Son of Stuck Funky

Snowmageddon has hammered the farm. Heck, it’s hammered the whole country. Working at the gas station yesterday I had a steady stream of opinions from popsicle people of all ages on when winter was last this brutally cold and massively snowy all at once. We’ve got snowpiles at the end of alleys that keep climbing higher and higher like a Midwest mountain range of misery.

Had a mom saying her kids were sobbing in frustration looking at those tantalizing peaks from their windows, but stuck inside because of how ass-clenchingly arctic the temperature was.

So Cranky Awards season is, unfortunately, delayed. But between thawing cattle waterers and shoveling my way to the gas station, I did manage to whip up the spreadsheety goodness I know some of you crave.

Named Characters in Crankshaft in 2023, by order of appearance.

Continue reading “By The Numbers”

Apologies that the Cranky Awards are late, but Snowmageddon has hit the Midwest.

I hope everyone has been enjoying what seems will be an entire week of Crankshaft lying prone on the sidewalk while zoomers galk at him.

It’s nothing we haven’t seen before. Literally. Though this time the role of Pam was played by the Generic Long Faced Youth.

We used to get hilarious strips of old people slipping and falling on the ice more often, when Rose Murdoch was still alive. For example, back in 2008, when Rose was still living alone in a house based on Batiuk’s childhood home.

Continue reading “Slipping Away.”

While I’m undecking my own halls, and putting up with an endless series of Jeff smirks instead, thought I’d give you guys just a little arty stealy nonsense to tide you guys over. Happy Epiphany!

Happy New Year, all! The state of the Funkyverse is “still dead”. Dead as John Darling, Coach Stropp, and Bull. Not Lisa, as she never really died. But that’s a whole different story.

It’s been a year now, and SoSF is still here, and actually seems kind of solid. Thanks to all who made that happen, especially Banana Jr. and Harriet, who’ve gone above, beyond, and back again. Also, thanks to the commenters, who continue to adhere to SoSF’s very reasonable standards. Not a single reprimand or blockage in 2023. Well done, by all.

I still miss it. Not the strip itself so much, but the daily SoSF routine. It was always a mission to me, as my hatred of FW was organic, and personal. The fact that I only succeeded in fighting FW to a draw will never not irk me. And I miss the challenge involved with trying to make every daily FW strip funny somehow. It kept me on my toes, and got me through some hellish times. IMO, he ended the wrong strip, but then again, of course he did. What a jerk.

Speaking of which, while I’ll never stand for daily “Crankshaft” coverage, I’ve learned to tolerate it, as well as those who (gak) enjoy kicking it around FW style. And it’s the only remaining Batiukian game in town, so whaddya gonna do? So while hell will freeze solid before I start reading it, I’m giving the “Crankshaft” content my half-hearted blessing. I mean, everyone seems to like it, so what the hell. So carry on, and best wishes for a hilarious 2024, from your pals at SoSF HQ.

I’m in deep admiration of all the insane comments you guys here and on other platforms have shoveled out to shield us from the madness that is ‘Pete and Mindy Take Montoni’s’. While our gallant Ducky wonders if we’re reaching unsnarkable levels, I feel like this is a fascinating case study in how far the storytelling in the Funkyverse has fallen.

Continue reading “Copy-Pasta”