Cindy – Page 51 – Son of Stuck Funky

Gym-Nauseum

And as we enter the homestretch it’s “the WHS gym” making a TREMENDOUS run for the wire! Yep, it looks like we’re in for lots of sepia-toned “Les is stuck on the gym rope again” flashbacks featuring good ol’ Act I Loser Les! That’s right, folks. Way back when, before he was an award-winning author/martyr/smug obnoxious jerk whose wife tragically died, Les was a hapless dweeb! I know, I know…it’s difficult to believe, but it’s 100% true. In fact, you can visit the official FW archive site and take a gander at those old strips anytime you…oh, wait. Forget that last part.

“Six months ago”??? What? Does the reunion committee meet every two weeks or something? Why were they discussing a venue six months ago? And why didn’t they settle on one? Normally, a story starts making more sense as you add details…but not in the Funkyverse, where up is white and down is sideways and everything is coated with pizza grease, nonsensical developments and retconned nostalgia. And sometimes all the names are wrong too.

Why are there corner thingies in panel one? It’s just a flashback to six months ago, not a cherished old memory of happier days gone by. Either use them right or not at all, Author Guy! Retcon photo album corner thingies are a privilege, not a right.

A Load of Bull

Link to today’s strip when it appears.

I ask you–how could I resist a post title like that? Tom Batiuk must be a faithful reader here, and decided he was going to lob an easy pitch right over the plate.

I had no idea that Bull’s fantasy was to be a news reader, just as it came as a surprise that Ann Fairgood wanted to be a writer. I also had no idea how far he’d go to realize that fantasy (barring actually applying for the job). I mean, that looks damned dangerous the way he’s sitting in the back of the truck. Note that the desk is not secured in any way, so that if the truck goes into a curve Bull risks having his thighs crushed.

I also think yesterday’s answer has to be “joking.” There’s no way a second desk would fit inside that pickup truck. Heck, the desk itself barely fits. Sure seems like Les picked the most qualified person to oversee this task. (Okay, to be fair there’s probably a second truck, or some other vehicle since we saw three students and two teachers yesterday, and we’re missing at least one of each. However, being fair is no fun.)

The Joy of Sets

Link to today’s strip.

And just like that, we’re off on another storyline. Will it be more interesting than Planning-The-Coming-Reunion? Probably not–are you kidding? This is Funky Winkerbean–but we’re going to get it anyway.

You know, when someone simply pops in storylines only to abruptly drop them before they conclude, it makes it difficult for the readers to care. When anything can happen, and any story can get dropped for no apparent reason, then why invest any interest in them? Presumably, Tom Batiuk would like us to care about these characters and be interested in what happens to them. If Les and Cindy were attacked by a giant spider just now, I’m sure he would prefer that we be concerned about them rather than yawning it off. This isn’t the way to do it. Unless Mr. Batiuk is actually hoping to shed readers, I can see no reason for his current strategy.

So, anyway, Cindy offers her old newsroom set to the school. I assume she means the desks, and perhaps the backdrops; I doubt anything valuable like lights or a mixing board will be part of the package. Why desks and a backdrop would be things the school would covet, I don’t know, especially as the station is shedding them for something better. Last time we saw any “video journalism” at the school, it was just a face shot of Owen saying something stupid. Does he need a new desk for that?

Hairline Crack

Link to today’s strip. I’m not sure, but I think today’s strip is supposed to be a “joke.” You might remember jokes, they’re stories with a humorous climax (as Mr. Spock observed in Star Trek IV–a moment of silence for Mr. Nimoy, please). They’re also things that this strip abandoned because it wanted to say serious things about serious issues. And if this is supposed to be a joke, you can tell that Tom Batiuk has kind of lost his ability to tell them. For one thing, he should have made Cindy’s narwhal horn blonde, so it looks like her hair and not simply a printer’s error. Unless her narwhal horn is supposed to be pure white? Which begs another question–if you don’t know anything about Cindy’s old hairstyle, if you haven’t read this strip obsessively for 40 years, this joke will make no sense. It’s a joke for Tom Batiuk and no one else. If this strip had a lighter tone, something like this could work. There are strips out there that have a regular cast and use story arcs, but manage to remember that what readers want are jokes, or at least sincere attempts at jokes. Those strips could have a well known actor, let’s call him Leonard Nimoy the Movie Actor, fly across the country to watch old videocassettes in preparation for his role as ~~Lisa Moore~~ Mr. Spock, and the story could work without calling attention to how moronic and unrealistic the situation is, and we could all have a good laugh. Since this strip has made a fetish of being serious, such similar episodes call attention to themselves in ways that Tom Batiuk really resents. And his joke-telling ability has, as noted, atrophied. Who knows, though? Perhaps he’s great at parties and really livens things up. In his day job, though…. Finally, Cindy looks much younger in panel one than she does in panel two. Dear Mr. Batiuk, a 45th anniversary still indicates a pretty good run, and it’s only a couple of years from now. You might consider it.

In Memory Yet Gr

Link to today’s strip.

I’ve not heard of a memory board, and at first I thought it might be a “In Memorium” thing for all the students who died and thus were unable to attend. Look at that giant pile of photos, I thought. The high school must have been built on a toxic waste dump from an abandoned nuclear plant that was built on an Indian graveyard.

Then I saw that Cindy had a photo of Les, so I guess a memory board is just a “here’s what you looked like before you got old, fat, and bald!” poster. But then I went back to my first thought, and I wondered if this was Cindy’s way of saying she was going to kill Les! That would be awesome, go Cindy go! At last a character whose dreams and aspirations we can all get behind. Here’s to a new era in Funky Winkberbean!

Of course, back to reality–contemporary reality, of course, with its issues–we go. Look at Les in panel one. Oh, oh, oh, poor little unappreciated me. Oh, woe is me, no one is capable of understanding me. Boo hoo hoo. I cannot understand why his face isn’t tattooed with bruises from the rain of punches he must receive every day.