Bobbleheaded Booby

Link to today’s strip.

Okay, I’m genuinely baffled by what the Hell Buck is talking about.  I mean, I think I’m aware that there are “bobblehead days” for major league teams, where toys are given out in the likeness of one of the star players.  And he wishes he had that kind of fame.  I get that part.

It’s the “not with my own head” that seems to come out of nowhere…that, I don’t get.

If I had to take a stab at it, I’d guess that Batiuk has no idea at all what sportos talk about when they get together, so any errant bit of nonsense is good enough to mail off to the printer.   “What would sports fans do?  I’ll use Google.  Huh, ‘Bobblehead Day’?  That sounds interesting!  Let’s just click–oh, wait, time for Flash comics.  Oh well, it’s probably just a day where they take off their heads and juggle them.”

Now, if it was comic book fans, every utterance would be accurate down to the smallest detail (unless one of those details is spelling Joe Shuster’s name correctly).

All of the above makes me wonder what this arc is supposed to be about.  It’s clearly not about any of Batiuk’s passions; it seems too banal to be award bait; and it isn’t entertaining at all.  Is it supposed to be heartwarming and sentimental?  Because it’s nowhere near that.

That leaves the only remaining answer as “one more week of carp pumped out on the way to that 50th.”

Imagine if the last fifteen years of Peanuts had been panel after panel of Linus in a beanbag chair in front of the TV, Snoopy lying on top of his doghouse, and Charlie Brown with his head in his hands.  No dialogue; just those things, over and over for years.

I suppose it could always be worse.  Linda hands Buck a book.  “I think you would’ve wanted to have Bull’s autographed copy of Lisa’s Story!”  “Lisa’s Story?  Oh wow, I’ve heard that book is supposed to be entirely awesome, uplifting and kind of humbling, at the same time.  Oh, I’ll treasure this–and I can’t wait for the movie!”

The Helmet of DEATH

Link to today’s strip.

Is that the helmet that Bull was wearing when he died?  That seems like a remarkably tasteless gift, to be honest.

Of course, Buck’s line is rather tasteless as well–“I was one of the guys who gave your husband the CTE that killed him!”

I guess “tastelessness” is a characteristic; it’s certainly better than the boredom and uninteresting trivia we’ve been served thus far.   But you’d think Tom Batiuk would reach for something a bit more positive.  Hey, remember when he used to be funny?  Those days are rapidly receding in the rearview mirror, soon to be forgotten by all.

It makes me wonder why he decided to do this comic strip in the first place.  Did he really want to take uninteresting stories and stretch them to tedious length?  Because that’s exactly what he’s doing.

I honestly don’t know what the point is to any of this.  And really, I could say that about any Funky Winkerbean strip from the past few years, come to think.

The Buck Stops There

Link to today’s thing.

Hello, folks; BChasm back in the Box.  Shout-out to Comic Book Harriet, who as always did a stellar job of entertaining and educating us…things l’Auteur Glorieux feels are now beneath him.  Well done, especially with such poor material to work with.

Speaking of being back, guess who has returned?  That’s right, it’s nobody’s favorite smirker, Buck Somethingorother.   You remember, the guy who couldn’t resist smirking wryly to both Linda and Bull while reminding them about the latter’s impending death.  And speaking of impending death, Buck is getting his!   “I’m afraid that the news isn’t that good, Buck” says Doctor Flattop,  “You’re a character in Funky Winkerbean.”  Now, I may be stupid, and this strip may be making me more so, but I thought Buck played football.  Isn’t “layup” a basketball term?  Shouldn’t he say, “You always gotta throw the penalty flag, don’t you?”  I guess once you’re a sporto, you’re required by cosmic law to make only sports-related metaphors, even if they aren’t your sports.

I’d really like to know what’s going on with Doctor Flattop’s head.  In panel two, it looks like there’s a second head emerging from the back of his skull.  Is it Voldemort?  Because that could be an interesting development.

Oh, I’ve just killed it.  I used the forbidden word, “interesting.”

Same Brain, Different Damage

Link to today’s strip.

The expressions in today’s strip are really something.  Panel one’s Les looks like he’s ready to burst into a whine.  “I’ve been listening to you talk forehhhhhhhver.  It’s miiiiiiiiiiii turn!”

Panel two’s Linda counters with “Gad.  Why am I talking to this excrement stain.  I could be watching TV, or eating toast.”

I’ve no opinion on the NFL-as-monster issue, though it’s pretty clear Batiuk is saying they have blood on their hands because they won’t fund Linda’s post-marriage lifestyle.  “It’s not fair.”  Well, Linda, I’d say that if Bull never played in a game, his brain damage can’t be ascribed to the NFL.  Some players have a career in the NFL that lasts years, and I’m sure their brain damage would be far worse that someone who (apparently) got his CTE while in high school or college.   The NFL can reasonably say “We don’t know who this guy is.”

Fair?  Maybe not, but life isn’t fair.  Never has been, never will be.  The NFL is not, repeat not in the business of providing health care for its players.  It exists to make money through entertainment.  That’s an argument that ought to be applied to comic strips, but somehow never is.

1962 Called….

Link to today’s strip.

“And I mean I literally made sure to preserve his brain for study.  If you look inside this closet, you can see that I severed Bull’s head and put it in this photo-developer tray.  I attached some tubes to his head so it would look cool, but they’re just for show.  Oh, and you can see he’s got plumber’s tape over his mouth; that’s because he kept yelling at the big mutant in the other closet to break out and smash the place up, and I’d just vacuumed.”

So, is Linda’s dialogue (in panel two, blimp one) supposition, or did she find a note explaining Bull’s plan?  Because he could have been wearing his helmet because dementia.  Or because he forgot he had it on, or simply wanted to wear it.  The longer this arc goes on, the more apparent it is that there was no plan at all here, just another pathetic stab at getting attention.  A phishing attempt that somehow managed to snare the New York Times.

And if Linda did find a note, how many weeks will it take her to read it?  At one word per day….gee, are you sure ten weeks are enough?

Special Movie Bonus:  has anyone here seen…this?