Plantman – Son of Stuck Funky

Rudeness IS Hereditary

jess

Ah yes, the attic (they pronounce that as “bat-ick” in the mid-central Ohio valley, BTW)…where a Westviewian goes when they need to solve a mystery about or shed light upon a character who died many years ago. Of course John Darling didn’t expect to die so soon so his archives are probably a lot less thorough than Lisa’s were, but in any event it’s a safe bet that he left an explanation for his moronic last words in some sort of easily readable or watchable form.

Pretty classless how Jessica blithely shoves aside the widow John Darling (still in deep mourning if the black flowers are any indication) in her zeal to crack the mystery she’s been pondering for an hour or so now. Boy, is she easily distracted or what? I hope we get to see Boy Lisa’s reaction when Jessica reveals how she shot zero minutes of footage and spent the day fooling around in her parent’s attic while he slaved over a hot pizza app all day AND took care of that undeniably doomed baby while she was running around trying to solve rather obvious mysteries. He’ll probably be so angry he’ll barely able to break a smirk.

I could help but laugh at Batom’s helpful panel one recap, as if we needed a refresher after watching Funky take a three AM leak. We remember, Tom, even if you do not.

Barbie’s Scheme Louse

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“I love Barbie forever”…hmmmm, I wonder what THAT could possibly mean? We can rule out the possibility that JD was an avid Barbie collector, as everyone knows that Ohioians only collect comic books. There is no “Barbie” anywhere in FW lore as far as I know and the only character that even remotely resembles Barbie is…oh, I get it now. Pretty lame.

So will Jessica figure this out on her own or will someone have to explain it to her? I’m guessing the latter, as he’s going to have to drag this out for another week (at least) somehow. Plus it’d be very much in character considering that she’s a documentary film maker who left her equipment in a bag during the most compelling conversation she’s had with anyone in decades. He’ll likely have Boy Lisa or her mother John Darling’s wife Jan explain things to her while burying that “documentary” idea under so much sap and schmaltz it’ll never be heard from again. Then they will no doubt celebrate over some pizza while saying “John Darling” many times.

Still, all in all those are some pretty sorry last words. Pretty sorry “plot twist” too, but that’s to be expected. If he wanted to do a story about JD’s mysterious last words, why didn’t he just start with that instead of hacking away for two weeks establishing a premise he then just ignored? I mean last Saturday he did a whole silent strip featuring a nervous Jessica unloading equipment from her car, equipment she never even used. So why bother with the film premise at all? He could have just had Plantman send her a letter or something. It’s just so confounding and baffling (and stupid).

He Who Must Not Be Named (And He Who Always Must Be)

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I think I know who Plantman is talking about here. He’s referring to that smug, annoying, destestable and loathsome bearded dick with ears who first made it fashionable to use John Darling’s entire name every single time John Darling gets a mention. I f*cking hate that guy and his f*cking books.

So finally we’re almost maybe possibly almost near the “big reveal” where we find out what John Darling’s long-lost last words were. Even though this arc was orginally about something else entirely, but hey, something’s possibly about to happen and that in and of itself is noteworthy. If it’s anything like the rest of this arc (and the entire strip in general) I’m sure it’ll be absolutely gripping and emotionally devastating. And by that I mean cripplingly stupid and woefully unfunny. But you all already knew that.

And here’s hoping that after Plantman shreds Jessica’s remaining ~~delusions about~~ belief in her father (?) perhaps she could drop by Batom Inc. World HQ and shred any remaining arcs that involve John Darling. That would be a far more worthy waste of her time, unlike this idiotic film scheme of hers which is clearly going nowhere. After this arc, I feel she owes us at least that much.

This Is The Story Of Johnny Rotten

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Finally, our twenty-three year long national nightmare is about to come to an end as Plantman is at long last going to reveal the late John Darling’s very last dying words and (zzzzzzzzz). Me, I’m more amazed that TB finally drew a woman with normal regular-sized buttocks, which had to be a real challenge for him, what with going “off template” like that and all (and none of those weird pareidolia faces he sometimes does just to freak us out either, thank God).

So here’s the big twist of TB’s little John Darling victory lap story, eh? Forget the documentary, throw out the motive. Plantman has a world exclusive…JD’s very last dying words! What a great documentary film this would have made if only someone had thought about bringing a camera and…ooops, never mind. Anyhow, we can only guess at what these alleged “last words” might be, but if I know my FW history I can guarantee they’ll be something really stupid. Possibly pun and or wordplay based, maybe involving inclement weather, a chance of sentimental mawkishness as well but most definitely stupid. Just you wait and see.

An afterthought: why doesn’t “Plantman” speak in plant-based pun form? You know, like “leaf-ing so soon?” (credit: Jeffcoat) or “let’s get to the roots of the problem” or “enough of your vining”, stuff like that. Some arch-villain HE turned out to be.

Exit – Rage Left

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As you probably recall from her appearance in last year’s huge Frankie mega-arc, Jessica has no tolerance for scuzzy creeps with no moral compass, thus she is prepared to storm out of the prison in an indignant disgusted huff without asking a single question or filming a second’s worth of footage for her now long-forgotten “documentary”. Remember back when this arc was all about obsolete video cameras, new tripods, Eastern Bloc cars and adorable baby Skyler gags? Those were the days, my friends.

Her reaction doesn’t even make any sense. I mean was she expecting warm thoughtful conversation liberally sprinkled with trenchant insights about her dear old dad? From his murderer? And again, the idea that she wouldn’t have her camera running during this exchange is just inexplicable, he’s completely ignoring the starting premise of his own story here. And on top of that, he’s ignoring the premise that replaced the original one as well, which was supposedly Jessica’s desire to find out why Plantface killed her father. Unless yesterday’s strip where he said JD had it coming to him WAS the answer she was looking for, which seems ridiculous but is definitely within the realm of possibility in this comic strip. But it’s so poorly-executed, confusing and stupid that it’s tough to really tell what he’s doing here.

The indignant Jessica faces are hysterical though. Just like during the Frankie arc, that look of haughty revulsion, total disdain and disgust, the righteous fury, the wildly cocked eyebrows…great stuff. And the degree of detail given to the stubble on Plantman’s head nicely demonstrates that he clearly enjoyed drawing this more than he enjoyed filling in the dialog.