Hey guys! SoSFDavidO dropping in… *sniffs* is that burning perfluorooctanoic acid I smell, along with numerous other chemicals known to cause cancer? Oh, wait, it’s just popcorn! It got mixed up because popcorn REALLY CONTAINS those chemicals that cause cancer.
You see, in animal testing, the chemicals cause liver, testicular, and pancreatic cancer. Studies show that microwaving causes the chemicals to vaporize–and migrate into your popcorn. “They stay in your body for years and accumulate there,” says some spoilsport, Olga Naidenko, PhD.
No wonder Les looks so happy. He’s already banking on his advance for “Cayla’s story.”
You see, Les is a Real Genius!
Son of Stuck Funky 
Coming soon on The Melodrama Channel….
“Life is so perfect! Laughter, friends and the love of my life, all playing a friendly game of touch football in the park…what could be better? Hey, what’s this lump????”
“What do you MEAN you “mixed up” her records????”
“I can’t fight this, Spanky…I…just…can’t….”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”
“Mon ami, meow meow meow!”
“What do you MEAN there’s “no hope”????”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”
“I am your bio-son! This letter proves it!”
“Sigh…..Lisa….my darling…yes, one large with everything please.”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
A man, the woman he loved, a disease, hope, then no hope….”Lisa’s Story…The Other Shoe”…coming in 2017. Starring Tom Sizemore as Les, Tara Reid as Lisa, James Van Der Beek as Darin and Wilford Brimley as Funky.
This is how movies work, you only have to write a script one time, never have someone from production even look it over, but if your wife likes it, you’re all done! Studios have operated on this system since day one… BatHack is such an idiot!
LES: Why aren’t you reading my script right now?
CAYLA: Jeez, Les, you sat on this thing for two years and then half-assed it on the day before it was due, and you expect me to drop everything to accommodate your deadline?
LES: NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW! NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW!
But she’s popping that corn in a pot on the stove.
Notice how we never see the lower part of Les’ right sleeve. That’s because Cayla cut it off and is using it as a potholder. So, points for continuity.
Also, how long has Les owned that checked shirt?
Bah, if everything they claimed would give us cancer really did give us cancer, none of us would live past the age of 45. Of course this is Westview, where everything really does give you cancer.
Good luck trying to pop corn on the stove the way Cayla’s doing it; you have to shake the pan back and forth or in circles to keep the kernels from sticking to the bottom of the pan once they start popping. And don’t forget to sprinkle some Xanax on it if you’re reading anything written by Les.
So he’s done now? And Cayla’s going to read it and then it’s sent to the producers? So we go from the agony of Les/Sisyphus pushing this script uphill to all i needed was snowy afternoon and now it’s done? Once again Batiuk proves the master of the anti-narrative.
Yes, because reading about about a woman dying slowly by disease is definitive popcorn movie moment! Why don’t you get some JuJubees and Junior Mints while your at it, Cayla.
Hey, maybe when it premiers you can get kids to dress up in bald caps and hospital gowns like Trekkies and Star Wars fanatics!!!
Batiuk weaves denouements in a manner reminiscent of O’Henry.
Had O’Henry been eating lead paint chips next to a power line.
@Howard and Nester
“Had O’Henry been eating lead paint chips next to a power line.”
Nope, even then I don’t think TB writes as well as a candy bar.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oh_Henry