Ah yes, the attic (they pronounce that as “bat-ick” in the mid-central Ohio valley, BTW)…where a Westviewian goes when they need to solve a mystery about or shed light upon a character who died many years ago. Of course John Darling didn’t expect to die so soon so his archives are probably a lot less thorough than Lisa’s were, but in any event it’s a safe bet that he left an explanation for his moronic last words in some sort of easily readable or watchable form.
Pretty classless how Jessica blithely shoves aside the widow John Darling (still in deep mourning if the black flowers are any indication) in her zeal to crack the mystery she’s been pondering for an hour or so now. Boy, is she easily distracted or what? I hope we get to see Boy Lisa’s reaction when Jessica reveals how she shot zero minutes of footage and spent the day fooling around in her parent’s attic while he slaved over a hot pizza app all day AND took care of that undeniably doomed baby while she was running around trying to solve rather obvious mysteries. He’ll probably be so angry he’ll barely able to break a smirk.
I could help but laugh at Batom’s helpful panel one recap, as if we needed a refresher after watching Funky take a three AM leak. We remember, Tom, even if you do not.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Jan “was” the Today Show producer when Less was on his mighty book launch tour.
What…. she lives in/near Westview and hardly sees her G-Son?
I’m on edge….sticking a pencil in my ear that is…it’d be not as painful.
You can tell Jan is well off because she has a plant in front of her big swoopy staircase, albeit a dead plant.
And her world is destroyed even further when she finds her father, John Darling’s, DNA on her old Barbies.
I’m sorry.
Maybe that is why he was such a jerk….he was simply in too big of a hurry to stop and consider the feelings of the people he was mowing down. Hmm. Perhaps if he’d never been spun off, he’d have been forced to slow down.
As for this, I would have preferred that she laugh in Mossman’s face and say “FOOL!!! I’m Barbie!!!” It would have been less painful than her doll collection making Daddy think the same wrong thing that Sailor Moon makes Ed Robertson of BNL think.
Jan: “Wow, um, you flew all the way here, unannounced, no greeting for your own mother, just to root around in a mold and raccoon dropping infested attic?”
Jess: “I drove, actually. Distance has no meaning when one is on a holy crusade for my father, John Darling, who was murdered!”
Jan: “…um…I -know- who your father was, dear, I’m your m-”
Jess: “What was that about RACCOON DROPPINGS?!?”
The fact that Jessica is replaying the conversation, and immediate heads to the attic tells me that she knows exactly who “Barbie” is. So, the question: is this going to be a revelation that John Darling was an even worse person than we’ve been told, or will this be something that will totally redeem him, at least in the eyes of Jessica? It’s not fair to point out that no one will want to watch this documentary anyway, despite the last-minute heart-felt finale. The purpose of the documentary from the beginning was simply to heal Jessica, who, as a member of the main cast is of course the only person whose feelings and interests matter.
Besides, it gives Tom Batiuk the opportunity to have Plantman laboring under a decades-long delusion that was his only satisfaction, and having that shattered that by a smirking Jess was simply too wondrous to pass up.
Please, Medina/Westview is in northeastern Ahia. The characters aren’t nouveau riche enough for “mid-central” Ahia (i.e., Klumbus) and they’re not hooked on Oxycontin enough for the Ahia valley.
Why does Jess need to be in a hurry? Is the attic going to be cleaned out in two days? Relax, say hi to your mother and go up the stairs like a proper lady. Man, everybody is a jerk in Westview.
“Why does Jess need to be in a hurry?”
Perhaps her attention span is very short, except for remembering her mantra, “My Dad, John Darling, who was murdered.”
(Organ Muisc up) What does her stuff in the attic have to do with her Father, John Darling who was murdered, by Pete Mossman and whose last words were “I love Barbie forever”? And what of the dead flowers in the vase? Tune in tomrrow when we hear Jessia’s Mother say
“Don’t say hello or anything. Really, you’re as self absorbed as your father, John Darling who was murdered. He couldnn’t be bothered to remember my name, kept calling me Barbie for some damn fool reason.”
That’s next time on Funky Wikerbean
This is Word Carr Speaking
(fade out organ music)
I just noticed that she seems to have made a point of putting DEAD roses in her foyer. I also know that her mother’s name IS Rose. Putting two and two together gives us a spoiler hidden in plain sight.
“I murdered John Darling, your father, who was murdered, and whose last words were, improbably, ‘I love Barbie forever,’ because I was compelled to do so by the angry god Batominc, so that I could be his instrument in illustrating contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner.”—Pete[r] Moss[man]
And now Jess also illustrates contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner by barging past her mother with a vicious elbow to the breast. Because, boo-hoo, her father, John Darling, who was murdered blah blah blah Barbie.
The only way this gets remotely interesting is if Barbie turns out to have been Klaus Barbie. Can we now invoke Godwin’s Law and end Funky Winkerbean?