Westview HS Band – Page 13 – Son of Stuck Funky

Natepicking

We’re exactly two weeks away from the “Holiday Concert” teased in Today’s strip. Wait, it’s not just teased, like February’s “Winter Concert” was, it’s actually relevant to the strip that it is in! Crazy! This is, perhaps, the Westview High School Scapegoat Sign’s first relevant appearance since Act II.

Typically level-headed (for the Batiukverse anyways) and hands-off principal Nate Green decides his first principal-y action since reading the student handbook before the 2012 prom will be to meddle in the concert Lefty’s band has surely been rehearsing for at least a month.

Hmmm… A holiday performance? A public school official? Changes demanded? I wonder what topic TB could have possibly chosen to cram into his gag cannon this week? I wonder… but I cannot blame you if you don’t.

Pitching A Snit

Hey, have you ever wondered what goes on with band kids in the summers, before Lefty gets ahold of the big-and-brassy, loud-and-flashy, Westview High School Scapegoat marching band? Well then, today’s strip is for you! Turns out there is no “before”, as Lefty asserts year-round control of the extracurricular lives of several dozen high school students.

Looks like Owen is still a member of the band, entering what I think is his fourth senior year at WHS. To the surprise of no one, he still has not gotten any better at playing or maintaining his trumpet.

But, unfortunately, it is Dinkle who is the focus of this strip. I do not like these characters in the least, but I do think the punchline is a step above terrible. What is not, however, is the entire set up, which is utterly destroyed by a small piece of artwork.

It makes next to no sense for Dinkle to be so upset that Lefty’s multifunction battery-operated device (smartphone) can perform the function of his single-function battery-operated device (pitch tuner). That small box he is holding, with its clearly discernible button and speaker grate, is a fairly accurate depiction of an electronic pitch tuner. This is “old-fashioned”? No. No it is not. NOT. AT. ALL.

What would be “old-fashioned” would be a tuning fork, or one of those little round harmonica things that telegram messengers in movies from the 1940s blow into before they sing. Had TB drawn either one of those, this strip would have been a far less infuriating read.

Anyways, thanks for putting up with me for a fortnight. BC, I believe, takes over tomorrow. No, not that one, the funny one.

I’m All Ears

Link to today’s strip.

So, here’s Tom Batiuk’s actual “Black Friday” joke…if “joke” is the right word. Selling books instead of turkeys is hilarious? In both cases, the terrible odor from the unsold items would be intolerable as they fester.

Note that with a little change of tense (“didn’t have” for “don’t have”) he could have run this on Saturday and had something a little more traditionally holidelic on Thanksgiving, but when you’re giving Harry Dinkle a soapbox, well…priorities, baby, priorities. Thanksgiving Day comes and Thanksgiving Day goes, but Harry Dinkle is interminable.

Whenever Harry Dinkle appears, you can be sure the boredom will come thick and fast. He basically short-circuits his own content by being so utterly obnoxious that he’s his own heckler. If you ask him what time it is he’ll give you some insufferable response that boils down to “find a clock somewhere after I finish regaling you with irrelevance.” Actually, the only question I can imagine asking Harry Dinkle is, “Do you want me to punch you again?”

What’s really striking in today’s episode is Becky’s left ear. Look at that thing–has her face been torn open at the back? (We can always hope so!) I cannot imagine how, with her face positioned the way it is, that her left ear should be visible at all. Once again, I am guessing that Tom Batiuk had a bit of gold ink on the brush and didn’t want to waste it, and that meant drawing an ear to hold that earring.

In a strip drawn as badly and as lazily as this one, Tom Batiuk at least manages to draw his avatars–Les Moore, John Howard and of course Harry Dinkle–with a loving consistency. The other characters not so much, but this…this is kind of a landmark.

Below C Level

Link to today’s strip.

Now, the proper response from Ms. Lavender would be, “Actually, I’m afraid I’m going to have to smash your f***ing face in, you self-inflated old sack of garbage!” Of course, she’s dim enough to want the book, and Harry’s dim enough to assume he knows how to spell her name, so this encounter is obviously meant to be. There really aren’t a lot of ways to spell “Jim,” or “Mary,” or “Dave” but when there are variants, it’s a good idea to, you know, ask “How do you spell that?”

It is possible, with a certain amount of charity that I’m not prepared to give, to assume that Harry is joking in panel three. His expression sure doesn’t offer any clues. His face looks like someone who is monumentally pissed off that his infallibility was questioned. Leading me to assume that his book is filled with nothing but events where Harry Dinkle was disappointed by those around him, and let them know in no uncertain terms that his fury over their incompetence is barely contained.

That is probably my main issue with Harry Dinkle–he lacks any sense of humor, especially about himself. Oh, sure, he makes stupid puns, but that’s like saying he wears pants: everyone in Westview makes puns. He just seems mean-spirited, grouchy, cheap, one-note, and easily offended and when he appears, he sucks any possible fun out of the strip. (Yeah, I know, I know…)

Just think how easy it would be for Harry to make a real joke about his mistake. “To Kathy, with a C! Stay C#, Cathy!” See, it’s even musical, something with which Dinkle is supposed to have some familiarity. It would actually make Dinkle come across as somewhat charming, instead of the “insufferable” Tom Batiuk decided was more his style. Just as his style also meant that Becky would have to loom somewhere in the background, contributing nothing. Seriously, why was she drawn in today’s episode? Did Tom Batiuk not want to waste the bit of ink still on his brush?

And people actually wonder why we make fun of this strip.

Where the Emphasis Goes

Link to today’s strip.

Bleah, more Harry Dinkle. Becky no longer mentions the “volume three” part, as it no doubt made (potential) customers say, “Three volumes from that old shriveled husk?! Why, he must be even more of a pompous windbag than he looks! He must talk non-stop, when he’s not clutching a book with his teeth!” Of course, even at one volume it’s still the story of a pompous windbag, so (like yesterday) I’m guessing from that stack that sales are not brisk.

I like thinking they’ve sold absolutely no books at all. “I’d rather the whole school close down forever than buy that book. That book is so awful that throwing it in the garbage is the highest critical praise it’ll get,” is probably the usual response. Other responses: “Sorry, I don’t have a table that has a short leg, and I don’t have a toddler who needs his booster chair augmented.” “My birdcage is lined with quality newspaper, thank you very much.” “How well does it work to get my fire started? I thought so.” Followed by SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! etc.

Hey, does this week’s story mean that Harry is now on a tour promoting his book? He gets more and more like Les all the time!

Another thing I like is how the falling leaves look like Harry is surrounded by flies seeking his rotting, purulent flesh.

The best part of this one is imagining how Brad DeGroot from Luann is pronouncing his sentence. “I thought you’d be selling a turkey,” with the words going down in pitch from “thought.” In other words, “this is a very bad thing you want me to buy, and it isn’t even edible. Its one use seems to be to neutralize the arms of that horrible old man you’re with, and I don’t have a horrible old man, so get lost before I shoot you with my 38 special and then burn your bodies in the yard and consider my Christmas wish has come true.”

Okay, maybe that last little bit wasn’t really implied in Brad’s sentence. Much. As the British say, “No ‘arm in tryin’.”