The "Batch" -elor

It’s like spring break for band directors…” And for retired band directors, and for the spouses of retired band directors, I guess. Rather than accompany Becky to Columbus, John takes advantage of her absence to “batch it”. Thanks, Inkwell, for looking it up; I was afraid John stayed home to “run a batch“, which actually sounds a lot more in character.

Does Montoni’s even make pizza without pepperoni?

36 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

36 responses to “The "Batch" -elor

  1. BeckoningChasm

    Is there supposed to be a joke in this episode? The last panel is sure framed as if John is saying something witty, but whatever joke might have been in there obviously fell out. It probably slid off the tray, like that cake in Mary Worth.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Thank YOU Mr. BatGloom for finally giving everyone a break from…whatever THAT was supposed to be. Whew.

    So DSH is “batching it” tonight, eh? I bet he is. Love that awesomely awkward sentence in panel two as well. “She went to the…convention with the Dinkles”…and there you are, fixed in a way that represents how actual humans actually talk. He needs to fire that alleged “editor” of his and replace him or her with someone who sometimes shows up for work here and there.

    Panel three really captures the spirit of FW, doesn’t it? A bloated weirdo with bad hair shoveling a greasy slice of pizza into his smirking face. Well done.

  3. Merry Pookster

    and so we bid so long to the fairgood family saga as TB spirals downward even further….for any story line about the Dinkles is like asking to dig ones grave an extra foot deeper….dead story telling is still dead.
    I hope TB continues to enjoy the view of life that he shares with Fred/

    Meanwhile… today Wally should burst out from the dishwasher and smack DSH around…maybe ask him what he has done with Wally jr…..”Batchin’ you freak…where’s my son?”
    sic ’em buddy!

  4. “Batching it” sounds like a euphemism for masturbation. Which is probably DSH plan for later tonight anyway, and you’re very welcome for THAT mental image.

    In other news, Harry Dinkle has officially put in more time for the band during his retirement than he did when he was actually getting paid for this.

  5. Rusty

    Everybody has hit the high points already, and it’s only 4 posts in. Worried about Fred? TB may check in again in about 18 months, meanwhile: Batchin it at Montoni’s guys!

  6. I took a good long look at panel 1, trying to figure out what “batching it” meant. The reliable source that is Urban Dictionary tells me it means acting like a bachelor while your spouse is gone.

    (It defines my first name as “a bitch who doesnt care about anyone but herself she snd ugly girl”, how can it be wrong?)

  7. S.P.. Charles

    Regarding the “crossover with Crankshaft”: since FW’s timeline is about ten years ahead of Crankshaft’s, I’m guessing Crankshaft is already dead. Fred dies, and Crankshaft is driving the bus to the Great Beyond. Fred is about to board the bus when Crankshaft, being Crankshaft abruptly shuts the door and speeds off, leaving Fred to chase after the bus.

  8. My life was never better than when I read the words “Crankshaft is already dead”. I could die and go to heaven, but I’m scared I’d join him.

  9. Beanie Wanker

    “Batching it?” Another term for pounding his pud? Or does that mean he’s having a fresh batch of underage boys delivered to his house? And just what Old Meat Face needs – Stuffing more pizza down his yap.

    I thought Dinkleberry was long retired. Very interesting that Hairy Dinkleberry takes his spouse on these boondoggles but Lefty doesn’t.

    And am I the only one who can’t imagine for even a second how Seaweed Head’s daily routine is any different when Ol’ One Arm is away from when she’s home?

    Welcome to Ahia — This week, a 70% chance of snow, 100% chance of boring shit involving comic books and pizza.

  10. O.B. Dan

    Waiting to see today’s strip…

    Oh, yeah…like you missed something…

    Crankshaft is already dead

    Not yet…we haven’t seen Masky McDeath come to do the escort thing…

  11. Charles

    Not yet…we haven’t seen Masky McDeath come to do the escort thing…

    That was only reserved for Saintly Lisa, almost everyone else will get a gross doorman,

    Other than that, I got nothing. WHAT DELIGHT DOES TODAY’S STRIP PORTEND??

  12. Sgt. Saunders

    Is this not a rerun of some sort? I have this vague feeling that Beckers has schlepped off to a convention before leaving Dead Skunk Onna Head to fend for himself at Mongreasy’s. It wasn’t funny then either.

  13. Chyron HR

    FUNKY: So Becky’s not home tonight?
    JOHN: Nope… I’m batching it.

    FUNKY: And what are your kids having for dinner, Mr. Bachelor?

    (BEAT)

    JOHN: My what now?

  14. Flummoxicated

    If Fred the Beloved Adoptive Father and Principal got treated to a character assassination with a stroke, this knucklehead should be in for a wild ride.

  15. Helskor

    I’ve never seen anyone hold a pizza slice the way John does in panel three. Try it right now at your computer with your mouse pad to see what I mean.

  16. Duane

    As someone who grew up about 90 miles from Akron, “batching it” is a phrase I have heard my parents use, but never anyone under the age of 55.

  17. Señor Tortilla

    The fact that the pizza doesn’t collapse instantly means that there’s something wrong. Either it’s burnt to a crisp on the bottom (thus preventing sagging) or it’s been heavily adulterated with cardboard.

  18. billytheskink

    Does Montoni’s even make pizza without pepperoni?

    Nope. Not even on to eliminate the trichinosis risk of their infamous gazpacho pizza.

  19. The pizza being burnt to a crisp on the bottom would explain all the soot on the walls, I suppose. Or is all that shading meant to represent the Black Miasma of Gloom and Death that pervades Westview?

  20. bad wolf

    I like the assumption that if we didn’t see pepperonis on it, we would have no idea what the triangular things being shoveled into character’s mouths while sitting in an Italian restaurant (Funky’s apron is clearly legible) could possibly be. Speaks to the self-confidence of the artist, i suppose.

  21. Who knew that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was an expert pizza judge? 

  22. Sgt. Saunders

    I remember now – last time Beckers went off to a convention, DSOH was bitchin’ to Funky about his lack of sexytime. That was not so long ago. Looks like Mongreasy’s will take away the urgins’ – he ain’t bitchin’ about it now, is he? Or maybe Crazy Mailman satisfied him. GAAAAAHHHHHKILLMENOW!!!!

  23. Helskor

    Harry D. looks way too happy in the latest SOSF logo, so he’s obviously marked for debility or a slow, mawkish death this week.

  24. John

    Funky: “So, with Becky off to go celebrate a job she hates, does this mean you’ll skip hanging out in that awful upstairs shop and spend some quality time with your children?”

    John: “Cody and Owen haven’t dropped by the store in a while. I assume they found lives. Traitors.”

    Funky: “Um, no. Your CHILDREN. You know?”

    John: “….the boy (or girl?) in the hoodie vanished months ago, Funky.”

    Funky: “Forget it. FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.”

    John: “…’kay.”

  25. Señor Tortilla

    Yes, as stiff as the pizza is, it IS pizza, and Tom Batiuk hasn’t been taking lessons from the Mary Worth School of Drawing Indistinguishable Foodstuffs.

  26. I can’t believe Batuik managed to forget that this couple, who he spent so much time building melodrama around in the past, have children. Next Funky’s going to come home single, alcoholic, and still injured from that car accident.

  27. BeckoningChasm

    Gazpacho pizza? Gazpacho soup is, I think, served cold.

    Eating cold pizza is definitely batchin’ it.

  28. Flummoxicated

    In Tampa, “to run a batch” means something a bit rude. So in that regard, today’s Funky Winkerbean was actually funny, albeit unintentionally.

  29. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Typical lame set-up for the rest of the week’s “story”. Therefore, I’m guessing this is the last we’ll see of John this week, unless Becky comes home early and catches him in the act of batchin’ things up. Which would be funny, except for the shit-lousy way I presume Batiuk would draw it (given the mangled way John holds his pepperoni pizza, I don’t think we’ll ever be ready to see how his artist portrays him handling sausage).

  30. Jeffcoat Wayne

    (…especially the Vienna variety.)

  31. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$

    Huh, So what happened with Fred the Invalid, Fishtstick Annie and Male-Lisa, & Creepy Kerrie?? I mean, for chrissakes, he led us on this stupid morbid plotline and he just ditches it on the side like tire-stomped, rodent. Learn to finish plotlines, before you start another, Batiuk!!!

  32. Comics Kingdom Reader

    Didn’t you see yesterday’s brilliant coda to m-the Author’s award-winning (hopefully!) arc? The fragility of human joy, the meaning of pain, Fred, forever denied any pleasure by his stroke. I suppose such genius is lost on you. Anyway, since none of you are NATIONALLY SYNDICATED CARTOONISTS, none of you should even be judging it in the first place! It’s called WRITING, people!

    Fred is obviously being cared for by Darin, Ann, and long-lost character (The Great Character Find of 2013! Haw! I read comics so I -get- that reference, you plebes!)

    Maybe you beady-eyed nitpickers should stop your pedantic, hidebound thinking and just leave m-the strip be!

  33. Sgt. Saunders

    A factory will usually have a sign with a running total of accident-free days. We need a Lack-O-Les Meter to keep track of the days since the last sighting of the Grounded Delicate Genius One. That might mitigate some of the ongoing horror that we’d endured for the last two weeks.

  34. Duane

    Sgt Saunders, how about a sign with a running total of laughter free days.

  35. Merry Pookster

    I vote for a running recap of the Golden Flashes 2013 season…but until then here is where the KSU women’s team stands as of Feb. 10th.
    Kent, Ohio – For the full 40 minutes, Sunday (Feb. 10) afternoon’s contest looked like it could be Kent State’s (3-20, 1-9) next win. However, Northern Illinois (7-16, 2-8) was able to make shots when it counted to come out with the 52-47 victory.

  36. Epicus Doomus

    Duane: A simpler idea would be a “times FW intentionally made me laugh” meter. It wouldn’t need to be updated nearly as frequently.