Unless “just being Nordic” is a Midwestern idiom that’s too obscure to be found on Google, I’ll assume that Jessica is saying that Darin’s “just being neurotic.” Though if that is the case, I’m less sure whether Blondie’s joking or if she actually thinks “Nordic” is the correct term.

Whatever suspense Batiuk is trying to build here is undermined by a couple of things: mainly that he mentioned in an interview last month that Frankie would be returning. On the other hand, casual readers (as opposed to us beady-eyed nitpickers) may be hard pressed to connect the black-and-white-haired man we saw last week clutching a Beer in his huge hand with the black-and-blue-haired guy with the dainty hand, who’s just checked in for an extended stay at the Stveiw Motel.



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41 responses to “Nor-dick

  1. Maybe Frankie prepared for his big return to Westview by splurging on some Just for Men Touch of Azure hair treatment…

  2. Jim C

    Revealed! Frankie is the guy with the giant right hand from the Simpsons

  3. Merry Pookster

    “…contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner.”
    Oh ya? With Lisa dead some 15 years now…Frankie should be totally irrelevant to anyone in Westview today. Darin shouldn’t give two-shits about him..nor should Les. It’s only if they “let” him get under their skin will he have any affect.
    But will Tommy Boy try to exploit this into something it isn’t

  4. Wait… that mysterious Fairview daughter ONLY came into the story to have Darin talk about meeting his biological dad? I’m all for foreshadowing, but THAT IS THE MOST CONTRIVED THING I’VE EVER HEARD. Why not have that conversation with, I dunno, someone who already existed?

  5. BeckoningChasm

    Aren’t the Blondoids in their 30’s or thereabouts? What kind of trouble can Frankie cause? “I demand sole custody! Nya ha ha ha ha!”

  6. J.R. Clark

    I said this “comic strip” needed more Frankie The Rapist, and by God, Tom Batyuck delivered. I guess because I said it with a SMIRK(tm), Tom Batyuck thought I was being sincere.

  7. Jeffcoat Wayne

    “I hope nothing comes along to spoil it.” Gee, what normal 1/4″ from reality human being would ever utter such a phrase? — unless they already peeked ahead to Panel 3 and beyond. Only in Westview are people too afraid to be happy with any normal events in their lives, lest something godawful should happen as a result of their positive aura. So, presumably, Frankie has returned to Westview to seek some sort of vengeance upon Les, but will also settle a score with Darin? Or will Darin’s pregnancy be the catalyst that causes Frankie to have a change of heart about harming Les? Or will Retcon Bull be there to protect his favorite nerd with their time-honored fake pee gambit? Oh, my! Casual readers and beady-eyed nitpickers alike are just DYING to find out what happens next! Uhhhh…. really?

  8. Charles

    Whatever happened to him he comes back into their lives, disrupts them completely and then everything gets resolved, so in a way I guess that does involve Lisa.

    Because of course it does. And of course Frankie does, because Batiuk doesn’t know the first thing about nuance, much less how essential it is to drama. We can’t possibly have any character growth, even though more than thirty years is supposed to have passed since we last saw him.

    We find a journal of hers and we’re reading her journal so she kind of speaks to us from the grave.

    I don’t know why “we” have to find a journal of hers to do this. She’s been speaking to us from the grave ever since she, well, died. She’s spoken more to us as a dead woman in Act III than most of her daughter’s peers who, if they were not to be the strip’s focus, were supposed to be featured at least.

    Also, I think Nordic refers to the stereotype of Swedes/Norwegians/Finns being depressive and stoic. Batiuk may not know much, but he’s got some savvy when it comes to stereotypes!

  9. Epicus Doomus

    See, I thought she was using “Nordic” as a gentle slur, which is OK for her since she’s blonde too. Funny, but I don’t recall any Lisa Olafsson or Sven The Rapist in Boy Lisa’s past, so I have to assume it’s merely a woeful attempt at a “blonde joke”, sort of. Batom should be expecting tens of emails from offended Scandinavians any time now. Just terrible.

    I think I have FTR’s angle here figured out. He’s going to visit his old Westview haunts as part of the research for his upcoming book, “Lisa Moore: The REAL Story (The Missing Sock). He’ll be going all Kitty Kelley, digging and dishing ALL the dirt on our so-called “Little Dead Miss Perfect”, her annoying husband, who Summer’s father REALLY is and a whole lot more. About damn time someone took a hatchet to that halo, you know?

    Funniest thing about this: Westview has a f*cking hotel! “Free complimentary breakfast pizza between 8-10”. Service with a wry smirk, that’s their motto. Just a stone’s throw away from ALL of Westview’s several attractions, like the pizza place, the comic book store and…uh, the high school, I guess.

  10. Epicus Doomus

    Oh, BTW: “Nor-Dick”…brilliant, funniest post title of the week.

  11. S.P. Charles

    Okay, who the F*CK says “I hope nothing comes along to spoil it” when referring to his wife’s pregnancy? Even in Westview.

  12. S.P. Charles

    I think at this point we all know what’s coming, right? Frankie, aware of the book, knows that it’s appeal is based on the Saint Lisa myth, so he’s going to threaten to tell the world that not only was the sex not coerced at all, but Lisa was the school slut.

    And then Batiuk will take what could actually be an interesting storyline, and execute it so superficially and incompetently that it will lack the slightest bit of drama.

  13. S.P. Charles

    I keep thinking the title of the post should be preceded by “Neither balls”

  14. billytheskink

    Even as a Danish-American, I struggle to get worked up over the insult in panel 2. It just seems so insignificant, given how often FW insults the entire human race.

  15. Beanie Wanker

    Ruh-roh!! The last time these two pea brains were happy, Dildo said he hoped “The Universe” didn’t find out, because some thing bad would happen. Then BAM! Stroke-o-rama for Fred. So here we are again with the, “Oh shit, we’re HAPPY! We’re DOOMED!!” bullcrap.

    BatSlop really does need help.

    And it’s obvious that Bluehair McHairdye is someone up to no good — He’s talking like a 1940’s criminal. “Yeah… for keeps.” Yeah, seeeee?

    And OF COURSE Wankerview has a hotel. Right next to Wankerview General Hospital. But no post office.

  16. Sgt Saunders

    The Nordic reference from that Documentary Filmmaker bird comes from her weekly visit to The Westview Cinema of the Arts that has been in the throes of an Ingmar Bergman film festival since 1960, and true to Westview competency indexes, the only movie they have is The Virgin Spring, six screenings daily.

  17. MKay

    An urge has been unleashed. But don’t worry, I’ll be sweetish about it, den mark the issue as finn-ished. Sorry, I was bjorn to make bad puns.

  18. bad wolf

    Okay, who’s going to get raped first? Bets can be placed on…
    Jessica? 1:1
    Summer? 3:1
    Kerry? 5:1
    Ann? 10:1
    Keisha? 2:1
    Cayla? 1:1
    Les? 20:1
    Fred? 30:1
    Darin? 50:1

  19. Duane

    If he kills Les, there will be great rejoicing.

  20. Beanie Wanker

    “Being Nordic.” The BatDicktionary awaits. The Universe demands it.

  21. bad wolf

    Not “kills”, Duane. Rapes.

  22. John

    Panel 1: Her eyes tightly shut, her Muppet Mouth increasing by the moment, Ann tells Darin and Jess that they SEEM so happy. Darin glances at Jess with a look of mild interest. Jess glances at Darin with a look of sardonic detachment.

    Panel 2: Darin hopes nothing comes along to spoil their happiness, while invisible gnomes reshape his face into something Bill Maher-ish. Jess’ face begins sliding farther down her skull. Ann looks a bit nonplussed.

    Panel 3: The Westview Motel greets its first intentional guest in 30+ years. The Mysterious Man has the daintiest li’l set of deformed, non-functional fingers I’ve ever seen.

    This isn’t the start of a new arc! It’s rejected snaps from the latest Diane Arbus retrospective!

  23. BeckoningChasm

    I’m going to post this theory, because we know Tom Batiuk reads this site and I am hoping to short-circuit this potential resolution to the storyline.

    Les and Frankie meet, ostensibly so that Frankie can punch Les, but it turns out that Frankie is so awed by the sheer magnificence of Les Moore that he totally reforms.

    The other thing that I thought of was Les punches Frankie, and Frankie turns out to be a quivering coward who yells about filing assault charges. But then, who would he file charges with? I’ve never seen anyone from Westview law enforcement…largely because I suspect there is none. The citizens are secure knowing that Fate itself will quickly and severely punish any law-breaking (as well as happiness, but you know, eggs and omelets).

  24. A HREF

    Facts about the birth father coming back to haunt the adopted kid?

    It could be very interesting. In fact it was in this episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

    I am sure it will be boring and superficial when treated by Batuik.

  25. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$$$

    That’s not Frankie!! That’s D.B Cooper!!!

  26. Batiuk, as usual, is tone-deaf even with his stereotypes. The archetype for Scandinavians here in the Midwest involves some kind of comical tragedy befalling them (which is, admittedly, the Funkyverse’s bread and butter,) but the part after that is a shrug and a quasi-optimistic, “oh, ya know, could be worse,” not a shell-shocked expectation of everything getting worse forever until you die and escape the horrors of life. (The best phrasing of it I’ve ever heard is from this song: “The tornado takes the house, but the basement will remain.”)

    Anyway, I’d just like to know what the hell is up with Darin’s face. Has his jaw come disjointed and is now working its way down his neck? No wonder he’s so miserable all the damn time.

  27. Señor Tortilla

    The Westview Motel is a strange place: what kind of motel has their name in a shiny blue background?

  28. Beanie Wanker

    So this guy is just going to live permanently at the hotel? Well, “for keeps,” anyway. That’s what they’re saying in the last panel. If that’s called “writing,” it’s really bad writing.

    How about, “Yah, see? Until I can find a joint of my own, see? Yah. Yah, that’s it, see? Cuz I’m here for KEEPS, see? I been away, see? Yah, up the river. In Sing Sing, see? But I busted outta there, see? So don’t tell the fuzz, see? Yah, see? Cuz I’m not goin’ back to stir, see? Yah, seeeee?”

  29. S.P. Charles

    Beanie, clearly Frankie’s confused the Westview Motel with the Hotel California.

  30. Epicus Doomus

    Aren’t you just DYING to know how FTR ends up “spoiling” the pregnancy of a woman (and her husband) he’s never met? Or why he’s planning on staying in Westview “for keeps” (moron) simply because he’s heard that a book about a woman he knew 30 years ago is being made into (but isn’t yet) a movie? I like to think I have a pretty decent imagination, but I cannot for the life of me figure out where this could possibly be going, other than it being yet another excuse for Batom to drag Lisa out of her grave and parade her around again while furiously retconning her “story”.

    If you’re not too familiar with Lisa, word of advice: get those insulin shots ready because you’re in for a dose of sickening syrupy sap like you’ve never seen before. You have been warned.

  31. S.P. Charles

    TF, right now when you go to the official Funky page, you get a pop-up advertising The Complete Funky Winkerbean book and the pop-up doesn’t ever go away, rendering the page useless.

    I guess Batiuk does his own coding.

  32. BeckoningChasm

    SP – on Firefox at least, there’s a “Close Window [X]” at the bottom of the ad.

  33. S.P. Charles

    That’s odd: I’m using Firefox, and I just checked again, and definitely no X in the ad.

  34. S.P. Charles

    Wait, I lied, I’m using Chrome.

  35. Helskor

    In Westview, they read Scandinavian murder mysteries to cheer themselves up.

  36. DOlz

    I just checked out TB’s website and went to the blog section. With his usual pitch perfect timing the last post March 5, 2013 is titled “Groundhog Day”. And no it wasn’t a reference to the movie of the same name.

  37. J.R. Clark

    LOL at Batyuck over at Comics Kingdom, suggesting that we visit “Alley Oop” and snark on that comic instead.

  38. @DOlz: “And no it wasn’t a reference to the movie of the dame name.

    You sure? Considering that this is at least the third time we’ve been running through the Great and Tragic Tale of Dead Saint Lisa, it seems like a good fit…

  39. Epicus Doomus

    “Hello? Mr. Motel Owner, sir? It’s me, Creepy Front Desk Guy. Sorry to disturb you, sir, but…are you sitting down, sir? It happened again….a PAYING CUSTOMER…the SECOND ONE this year! No, no, not that Kerry woman again…some weird stalker-ish guy, says he’s staying a while too! I know, I know, I can’t believe it either! Congratulations, sir, you’re proving the skeptics wrong, there IS a reason to have a motel in Westview!!”