Solo Car Cup Date

Many thanks to DavidO for guest posting lo these last two weeks! A new mystery guest poster steps in Monday; stay tuned!

It must be the beer goggles kickin’ in: teenage Lisa looks sorta cute as she gamely chugs her Iron City draft and Frankie looks on approvingly. Her hair, while still frizzy, bears less resemblance to a poodle cut; she’s been given a chin, and her lab safety eyewear is replaced by stylish frames.

20 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

20 responses to “Solo Car Cup Date

  1. flappy

    wow ! kool kids wore vest an starwars tshirts at baihacks high

  2. Senor Tortilla

    Well, apparently Our Sainted One was fully conscious and remembered fully what happened. Is Bathead gonna just keep driving his retcons in, or is there going to be a weird twist?

    “Suddenly, the next thing I saw was Mr. Fairgood over me. He zipped up his pants and went on his way. Frankie was drunk, he wanted to punch Mr. Fairgood, but he knew he couldn’t hit me, nor the hippies that came out to gawk.”

  3. Jeffcoat Wayne

    I didn’t realize Frankie was in his 40’s when Lisa dated him during high school. Or that he dressed like Kevin the comix store midget.

  4. Rusty

    It’s photo album time, let the raping begin! He has no idea how bizarre this looks.

    “Everyone at the party was drinking, except some guy named Les Moore. He was standing in a corner masturbating and quietly weeping. I grabbed a bottle of Boone’s Farm and got busy.”

  5. Bill McNeal

    After the game tonight, Tom Batiuk took me to a party at the home of one of his friends. Everyone was drinking, so he felt free to retcon as no one would probably notice. First he inexplicably aged Wally overnight from a baby to a teenager. Then he changed him from Funky’s nephew to a cousin. Then he changed my simple teenage pregnancy to a savage rape. Now it’s being retconned to what? Dead Skunk Head as the father? A statue in the town square of me was created in my image. Then Wally was retconned back to Funky’s nephew and then back to his cousin again. Residents of Westview were told to bow to the statue and deliver offerings and tithes.

    A great harvest was was delivered that fall, plenty corn and plenty starch. Those who disobeyed lost limbs, aged unaturally, and died horrible deaths. Then those things were retconned as well. Suddenly Batiuk had the statue destroyed and appeared on top of Montoni’s, shouting “you don’t understand” and “it’s called writing” to the mob. Citizens of Westview were forced to buy copies of Lisa’s Story and lavish praise on “the great and wise author”. In retailiation of their betrayal of the wise one, citizens of Westview were aged to look at least twenty to forty years older than their actual age. After this a great harvest was delivered again.

  6. sourbelly

    I agree, Lisa looks ever so fuckable today. And of course, Frankenbadguy looks like he’s ready to do whatever he wants to do to her in that bizarre-looking van of his,

  7. Epicus Doomus

    “Lover’s Lane? Yeah, sure. You stay on Misery Parkway ’til you see the exit for the chemo center. Stay right and merge onto Suffering Way. Go four or five blocks ’til you see the huge pile of rotting band turkeys, then make the next left onto Tragedy Blvd. Right past the abandoned bookstore you’ll see an alley, that’s Lover’s Lane. Watch out though, a lot of nosy weirdos around that neighborhood.”

    It wasn’t Frankie’s hunky good looks, the football letterman jacket or the ever-present sneer. Nope, it was that awesome mid-1970’s Yugoslavian van that Lisa just couldn’t resist. And really, who could blame her? Look at that thing, who wouldn’t want a ride in that? Dig that way cool “Star Wars” shirt on the dude in panel two, better watch out there Batom because I hear that Lucas guy is a real dick re: trademarks.

  8. Well, who knew! Lisa is the Girl in Lover’s Lane!

    Now if we could just get Joel and the ‘Bots in here to teach Batiuk a thing or two about good retconning…

    “What would happen if the nice restaurant woman lived!?
    “You think it even occurred to them?”

  9. The one good thing about this storyline: since Lisa is the Perfect Saint Who Can Do No Wrong, hopefully the point won’t be that it’s the victim’s fault for drinking.

    I may just have to skip this storyline. I’m going to turn into one of *THOSE* bloggers where every sentence is a mini-PSA.

  10. DOlz

    I owned and drove vans for years, starting with a 1968 Dodge Van. That thing TB “drew” is nothing but a cardboard box with holes cut out for the windows. I mean I know he hates the internet, but could he have broken down and done an image search so he could have had some idea of what he … was … doing … oh never mind I forgot who we were talking about.

  11. O.B. Dan

    …So here I am, diggin’ on a 2 hours and 49 minutes continuous track of live STS9 stuff, and it’s gettin’ kinda mellow trippy…then I click the link for “good retconning,” thinking there might be such a thing, though not here…and suddenly some sucky band called MST3k 509 butts in with some weepy-assed shit…

    It sucked…they sucked…but then again this storyarc sucks…this whole strip sucks…so I guess it fits…

  12. O.B. Dan

    And Batiuk’s retconning sucks…probably sucks more than MST3k 509, or this story, or this whole f***in’ strip, or my crappy post with the italics…

  13. Chyron HR

    Unable to afford clothing with the actual Star Wars logo on it, Jimmy settles for writing the film’s name on a blank shirt in magic marker.

  14. John

    Mystery Science Theater 3000. “509” was the episode number.

  15. John

    As far as today’s strip goes, I can only echo what was said earlier by others that this sounds nothing like an actual teenage girl’s journal. While (in general) I’ve noticed young women tend to be slightly less in the moment and self aware than young men (again, speaking in general) it’s not to this insane degree of narration.

    Trust Tom to only make an effort at storytelling when it actually -weakens- the story he’s trying to tell.

  16. billytheskink

    Comparable as Hearne, Texas may be to Westview, you can bet the “Lovers Lane” there isn’t located in the alleyway between the “rough” HUD apartments and Carquest.

    That’s just awful.

  17. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    ..Where’s the Zodiackiller when you really need him?

  18. J.R. Clark

    Sung to the tune of “Ohio” by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young (Music performed by the Harry Dinkle Orchestra):

    Lisa’s tipsy and Frankie’s coming,
    Tom Batyuck must want an award.
    This summer I hear the snarking,
    Retcon in Ohio.

    Gotta get used to it
    Snarking is bringing Tom down
    Even though it happened long ago.
    What if you knew her
    And found her spread in the van
    How can you be aroused when you know?

    Ba ba ba ba ba ba batyuck
    Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
    Ba ba ba ba ba ba batyuck
    Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

    Gotta get used to it
    Snarkers are gunning Tom down
    Should have been done long ago.
    What if you knew him
    And read his crap every day
    How can you be honest when you know?

    Funny comments and Batyuck’s fuming,
    He’s finally all alone.
    This summer I hear the snarking,
    Retcon in Ohio.

    Retcon in Ohio

    Retcon in Ohio.

  19. John

    As a rule, isn’t it a fact that women generally don’t look right into their cup when drinking?

    I can’t help but wonder if this was a deliberate choice. And if so, why?

  20. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    –As a rule, isn’t it a fact that women generally don’t look right into their cup when drinking?

    I can’t help but wonder if this was a deliberate choice. And if so, why?–

    They have roofies back then? Not that it would make a difference with Bat-Hack, here.