Blink Once For “Yes”….

Hey gang, it’s your old pal Epicus, taking the SoSF reins for what promises to be a spectacular week of earth-shattering FW events and mind-boggling TB plot twists. Or banal TB idiocy and pathetic FW contrivances, with is probably far more likely. Special thanks to TFH for the opportunity to host the interweb’s premier Funky Winkerbean snark blog, it’s both an honor and a privilege! Likewise, props are due for our previous guest host, DavidO, for a job very well done! Now let’s leap right on in to this week’s edition of the big Frankie mega-arc and see what went on (shudder) in that hideous leopard-skinned van, shall we?

So finally, after approximately thirty-seven weeks of boring chatter and nonsensical developments, we learn the truth about that awful, awful night when the despised Boy Lisa was conceived. There wasn’t any rape or even any actual coercion involved at all! Nope, while a beer-addled Lisa tried to communicate her growing (and awfully sudden) revulsion for Frankie via deep, meaningful telepathic eye contact, she blinked, which he naturally interpreted as “green light, all systems go, let’s get bizz-ay!”. An honest mistake, as who among us hasn’t had a drunken blink misinterpreted as an invitation to wanton, reckless sex and unplanned parenthood? Good thing Lisa didn’t sneeze, as God only knows what sort of perversions Frankie might have unleashed upon her. In any case, several moments later Lisa was inseminated, beginning a series of events which would eventually lead to the ruination of an entire comic strip. Nice going there, Blinky.

Hopefully Summer takes her mom’s story to heart and remembers the sex-blinking code if she ever finds herself in some creepy guy’s van exchanging deep soulful stares, although we all know that’s highly, highly unlikely for any number of reasons I won’t go into here. It’s such a shame that Lisa couldn’t think of any other way to communicate her feelings other than through eye contact and telepathy. Maybe sign language or semaphore or something, I don’t know.

23 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

23 responses to “Blink Once For “Yes”….

  1. Rusty

    Anyone know what room Summer is in now? She’s the only contemporary teen in America with no technology within arms reach at all times.

    So I guess we won’t even get the “no means no” debate with Lisa. Instead, it will be “I was thinking about saying no, but my body said yes, yes, yes.

  2. Sgt. Saunders

    OK, which came first, blink or nekkid, nekkid or blink? I mean, goddam Son, if you’re gonna tell the TALE we will need to know these things. This is the worst Penthouse letter I’ve ever read. “Frankie was a subhuman, all right, in every possible way, but when he unsheathed his nearly 16 inch flesh club, all I could do was blink.”

  3. Well, I for one fully support the inclusion of the Weeping Angels in the Funkyverse.

  4. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    “in like”? What the hell does that even mean??? Does Batiuk think that’s witty word play? Seriously, try working that into a regular conversation with someone, and they’ll look at you like your some robot, alien replicant that has just learned the nuances of the English language.

    Also if this is a “witticism” why is Lisa using such fancy wordplay in her personal diary? It’s like Lisa knew this diary would be made in a bad novel in the future and wanted to provide enough literary heft to it.

  5. Jimmy

    I’m thinking Frankie was the one with actual regret at going all the way. I mean, seriously, wouldn’t HE have to the one who was intoxicated to even want to have sex with Blinky?

  6. merrypookster

    Wink Wink…Nudge Nudge.
    Know what I mean, Know what I mean?

  7. Gyre

    Why is Summer sitting in a chair? We’ve repeatedly seen her on her bed. Those are two very different things.

  8. Rusty

    Batiuk wanted to do a date rape storyline, but he blinked.

  9. All retcon Lisa could do was blink! The horror! If only she’d had a VHS camcorder!

  10. O.B. Dan

    I’m thinking Frankie was the one with actual regret at going all the way. I mean, seriously, wouldn’t HE have to the one who was intoxicated to even want to have sex with Blinky?

    Hey, I understand that…you start to sober up and wonder which would be least embarrassing – to tell her (and your friends) you were too drunk to “do it,” or to actually do it.

  11. Jeffcoat Wayne

    What is going on in Panel 2? Is Summer getting… excited? Oh wait, back to teary-eyed and sad in Panel 3. It just hit her that her dead mother saw more action in high school than Summer has achieved up to her first year in college. There aren’t any real men left in Westview.

  12. Helskor

    $$WO$$, that’s because she never wrote it. The detached, analytic attitude and the excruciatingly bad prose style point towards it being a clumsy forgery committed by Guess Who in order to rewrite the past for his own creepy purposes. A retcon within a retcon, so to speak.

  13. billytheskink

    If you guys don’t cut it out with the retcon hate, we’re gonna get a three week story arc of DSH lecturing Owen and Cody about the virtues of retroactive continuity 2 years from now.
    Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

  14. John

    “Well, I for one fully support the inclusion of the Weeping Angels in the Funkyverse.”

    Yeah, maybe we’ll get Amy and Rory back if they eat these clowns.

  15. John

    Lisa’s Diary: I realized that I had agreed to go out with, drink with, and kiss Frankie for no particular reason. I had no teenage desire to feel loved and attractive. No hormones or icky-yucky “desires”. Dopey me, huh? He had coerced me somehow, with his leather vest, his perpetual sneer, his splotchy seat covers! All acted as a poisonous love potion that took away my will.

    Summer: “Hmm. This reads a lot better now that I’ve left my room for the Azure Hair Chair. ….where did Dad get this chair, anyway? Did he skin a Muppet?”

    Lisa’s Diary: I looked him in the eye to let him know how I felt. I have no idea why this didn’t work.

    Summer: “I don’t want to be a victim blamer, but REALLY, Mom?!?”

    Lisa’s Diary: I don’t know if it was the beer or the fear, but I blinked, oh drear.

    Summer: “…wait…I think that last line was in Pop’s handwriting!”

  16. Smirks 'R Us

    @John — the chair is from the Pubic Hair collection, available exclusively at your local Ethan Allen Furniture Gallery!

  17. bigd1992

    “In like” is so “Friends” from 1994-1995. Just when did this happen? IN the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s?

  18. A HREF

    OK, so I read the title and thought that Fred Fairgood would feature prominently in today’s strip.

  19. Professor Fate

    and again we see here, as with everything else in her life – St. Lisa was a doormat allowing the world to have its way with her (literally in this case).
    And this, one needs to remember is Mr. Batuik’s perfect woman.

  20. firedmyass

    I wonder if all the pre-criticism has coerced Tom into back-tracking (Bat-Hacking) on the retcon?

  21. firedmyass

    Also, poor St. Lisa… her first sexual experience was creepy and regrettable, and her last was undoubtedly spongy and tepid.

  22. bad wolf

    firedmyass–well, he had a year’s lead time, but maybe he is furiously patching this crap up on the fly. Also possible: he didn’t quite remember it right when he gave his interview (he’d ‘done it’ months ago by that point, and obviously he doesn’t look back at things he’s done very critically) or he simply isn’t getting across to the reader the story that he thinks he’s writing (this would be my guess).