Greetings, fellow snarkers, ’tis I, BChasm, filling in for Fearless Leader. Yes, for the next week or two, I get to drive the garbage truck!
And what a load we have today. Look at that giant overflowing bag in panel two! Someone doesn’t know how to properly stuff a garbage can. How about, “The hard part was keeping it a secret from you”? I know, I know, the word balloon was drawn a year ago and the text to fill it was worked out only a couple of weeks back, but come on, man.
At any rate, it does give us a clue why Harry and Harriet are celebrating their anniversary at Montoni’s. Harry was only pretending to be cheap and pretending to be band-obsessed to fool Harriet into thinking he was cheap and band-obsessed. Which I’m sure he’s totally not, guys. Anyone who’s into art and drama and stuff could see that.
I have to dock Tom Batiuk a few points for failing to note which anniversary this is. Tsk, tsk, Mr. Batiuk. He failed to do that yesterday, too! Whatever happened to craftsmanship? Also, why is it that the characters Tom Batiuk clearly likes best are the most loathsome? I find this Harry guy a complete waste of time.
I’m going to give you guys a slight spoiler alert for tomorrow: if there are any local stores that have a good deal on brain bleach, you might want to stock up.
Son of Stuck Funky 
I’m TFHackett and I approve this message!
Ha, I had no problem believing Dinkle was a thoughtless jerk either. Then again, my expectations for these people are very low. Not as low as a wife of 50 years who’s bowled over by twelve people (and three of them are employees, btw) in a pizza dive, but pretty low nonetheless.
Seriously though, Tom, the party has officially begun: you can stop reiterating the premise now. Of course by that I mean I WANT him to stop reiterating the premise, not that he CAN stop himself from doing it. Because I quite frankly don’t think he can, not on his own. Prehaps there’s a 12-step group or something he can join…
“Hi, my name is Tom and I’m a premise re-iterator. I always reiterate the premise. There’s a premise, I’ll reiterate it. The Premise Re-iterator, that’s what they call me. Got premise? I’ll reiterate that for you, thank you very much. So like I said, I tend to reiterate my premises endlessly, like without end. I’m Tom, by the way. Thank you.”
“Gee, honey, thank you so much for throwing this surprise party at the least extravagant restaurant in town. Those crepe paper streamers must have set you back what, a whole five bucks? I tell you, this totally makes up for crying myself to sleep for a solid month because I thought you had completely forgotten our golden anniversary. Not a complete waste of the best years of my life, no siree bob…”
You know it’s the little things you notice in a bad comic strip. Things such as the fact that Frau Dinkle’s dress matches the balloons and decorations.
Now was this great forsight by Funky in this planning?
Was this some tender romantic gesture by Harry Dinkle for his wife’s favorite hue?
Was this some deep aristic symbolism by Tom Batiuk to show that life is much like party balloons –lofty, full of hot air and likely to burst?
Or is it just a severly underpaid colorist who couldn’t be bothered to find select electric blue from his pallette?
What exactly does Batiuk think “low-ball” means?
Batyuck needs an English translator and an editor.
Oh, and the image on the masthead…NIGHTMARE FUEL
Assuming the Dinkles are at least in their 70’s, Ma Dinkle there is pretty obese for an elderly person. It’s pretty difficult to outlive your life expectancy if you are that heavy. firedmyass is correct above: “low ball” does not mean to deceive, Tommy boy.
Beckoning (or whoever does the basic management of the site) I think you accidentally spoiled exactly what the brain bleach was necessary for on the site.
Anyway, we’ve got another one for the Batiuktionary:
Batiuktionary Low-balling: to mean “to keep something secret or hidden”.
Actual meaning of Low-balling: to deliberately underestimate or understate a cost.
TFH sez: Done deal. https://sonofstuckfunky.com/batiuktionary/#lowballing
Yeah, that panel two word balloon is like the trash-masher scene in “Star Wars”. One gets the feeling that perhaps at first he thought that balloon would contain some sort of deeply touching romantic claptrap but when it came time to fill it in he resorted to whatever drivel entered his mind first.
I also just noticed Beardo lurking there on the edge of panel three, yukking it up in the background, no doubt annoying everyone with his asinine puns and irritating wordplay. Such a dick. And why does Funky have to look at every old person with that sad look of forced whimsy, like he’s just humoring and pitying them? They all still look younger than he does.
If you look at her in last Sunday’s strip, it looks as if Harriet has put on 30 pounds or so. Must have been stress eating, what with her wondering where Harry’s been out low-balling with all week.
Also, no human being speaks in sentences that are over 30 words. Especially a man past 70. He’d be wheezing so hard trying to catch his breath throughout. Go ahead, folks, read that sentence out loud, and speak up, since you’re at a raucous surprise 50th anniversary party.
We’re you able to get that sentence out in one breath? If so, you’re in pretty good shape. If you’re Harry’s age, you’re lying on the floor.
Crap!
When Harry said “The really tough part was low balling everything …” my mind stopped reading. I didn’t realize TB was again using a phrase he doesn’t understand, but instead was seized by the thought that somewhere in Westview there was an even more inappropriate place to hold major milestone party. What would this hell hole of restaurant be like? Was this place TB condemned the characters who couldn’t make past the red velvet rope at Montoni’s to? As I was picturing a scene out of Dante’s Inferno my mind starting reading again and immediately lost interest.
Also Harriet good natured joy at this “celebration” would make a Stepford wife retch.
I don’t think Mrs. Batiuk is looking forward to their own 50th anniversary, considering that Batiuk had a book party at Luigi’s a while back just like Les did at Montoni’s.
Whatta cheap fuck…..and that goes for Dinkleberry too!
But at least this pizza-fest is more of a party then old Wally got as a returning POW held for 10 years.
This whole town should be given lethal injections
Over/Under on the number of words Halle Dinkle will get to say this week: 0.5
Place yer bets.
Halle Dinkle has already left the party in order to work on her fall classroom assignments. Summer breaks are like snow days, or something something.
You can see Halle in panel 1, Rusty, right under Funky’s schnoz.
“Oh, Harry, you SHOULDN’T have! I mean, you really, really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY!!! shouldn’t have!”
firedmyass: “What exactly does Batiuk think “low-ball” means?”
Before he tried using it in this context, I would have assumed he thought it had something to do with testicular cancer.
Wow, you guys are really good at this stuff…I thought “low-balling” meant “keeping expenses way down, so you wouldn’t wonder where all the money was going.” I was too busy struggling to translate the second part of that sentence (did he have an extra practice or was that a lie?).
But now I see that Tom Batiuk has indeed “pulled a Batiuk” on us. Well spotted!
Harry: “Well, I hope you’re properly grateful for all the suffering I went through to do this wonderful thing for you, Harriet!”
Harriet: “Grateful? Suffering? Listen, Harry, I know you did your best on this. And I like it. But…is the only reason you did this is so I’d owe you a favor? And feel guilty?”
Harry: “Well, YES!”
*record scratch. crickets chirping. Harriet’s eyes suddenly shimmer with unshed tears.*
Harriet: “Happy anniversary, Harry.”
*Harriet walks out of Montoni’s, cussing and muttering beneath her breath*
Harry: “….why did she leave?!? Now all the money I spent on the cake is WASTED! Yup, there’s three dollars I’m never going to see again! Oh, well…hey, what are the rest of you looking at? STOP GAWKING! Becky? Becky, come over here. I want to talk with you about my manhood!”
*the party deteriorates from there*
In re. to Beckoning (since I don’t know how to do quotes)
“Wow, you guys are really good at this stuff…I thought “low-balling” meant “keeping expenses way down, so you wouldn’t wonder where all the money was going.” I was too busy struggling to translate the second part of that sentence (did he have an extra practice or was that a lie?).
But now I see that Tom Batiuk has indeed “pulled a Batiuk” on us. Well spotted!”
I did consider the possibility that he meant it as “keeping costs down”, but that still would be an incorrect usage of the phrase. The phrase “low-balling” includes in it deception where one deliberately understates or underestimates something to deceive someone else. Harry didn’t do that. Our snark about the dubious quality of the event set aside, he was presumably paying full price and not trying to trick someone else into believing they were getting a better deal.
In other words, even the more generous interpretation still means Batiuk was wrong.
Batominc has clearly opened a second front in its Global War on Human Anatomy, which I’ll call the War on Noses. Look with me upon panel 1, f’rinstance. The Moai there is none other than the title character, Funky Winkerbean. I josh you not when I tell you that I identified him only by his red apron. That profile! That nose! The horror! The horror!
@beckoningchasm: If Halle is still there she will undoubtedly succumb to the charms of Mr. Moore.
—-@beckoningchasm: If Halle is still there she will undoubtedly succumb to the charms of Mr. Moore.——
—-and the late Mrs. Moore as well.
I’ve read panel 2 a dozen times and it still hurts. How can her print this trash?