A Lot Les

Today’s strip

BChasm here once again, despite what the byline reads.  Monday’s strip was not available beforehand, but I guessed that we’d continue with Holly’s attempt to amass a complete collection of Starbuck Jones comics to send to Cory.  And I guessed wrong!

Tom Batiuk goes back to the only character he truly loves.  I was thinking that if there are seven Starbuck Jones covers, that means seven weeks of Holly looking for comics.  I could not imagine a Funky Winkerbean arc lasting that long; I fear my eyeballs would shrivel in their sockets by week four.

I think that perhaps Tom Batiuk thought the same thing.  Or at least, he thought he couldn’t do without Les for that long.  Anyway, today we have Les, the World’s Greatest Writer, whining about how hard writing is.  I’m hoping he’s building a gallows so he can hang himself.  Hey, can’t hurt to hope, right?


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “A Lot Les

  1. Sweet Bippy

    Hang em high!

  2. Gyre

    You know all those mentions of Cory and how tough things were at his base and how people thought we were going to be seeing him and this Rocky person? Well how ’bout Les and writer’s block!

    Now, I will retract my criticism if the next two or three days are not related to Les, writer’s block, Lisa and the script. But frankly I think I’m not going to be forced to do that.

    Hey, fun game for anyone who’s got a complete list of the past ten years of this comic. What percentage of the strips after Lisa’s death revolved around her, Les, the book about her, her memorial race, the movie about her and the script for the movie?

  3. Epicus Doomus

    Starbuck Jones, meet DickFace Groans. Looks like SJ is on hold for a while as TB instead opts to pick up another loose end and drag it out for as long as possible. Today the bearded dick is dismantling the ol’ porch swing for winter (it was already gone in the DST strip a few Sundays back BTW) when Cayla pops in to compare Les’ laziness and procrastination to “war” (on Veterans Day, just saying is all) because, as we all know, “writing” is the most difficult task a man can ever undertake.

    Then we discover that over the last six or seven months Les has barely gotten past the “cover page” of his “screenplay”. The one that’s based on the book he wrote, lived and breathed for many years. In fact, his “writer’s” block is so bad that his delicate genius is on the wane and may even approach “mean” levels soon (and in Westview the “mean” re: writing ability is measured by homemade sign-making competence). Poor DickFace, poor poor DickFace.

    Gyre: I do not have such a collection, but as far as the movie script goes, if I remember correctly it came not too long after the incredibly long book-launch tour arc, which was like month after month of all Les all the time. It was brutal. He wasn’t “comfortable” with the “Hollywood” types looking to “option” his book so he ran off to the park to ask Lisa what to do. Then the arc kind of stopped right there and the movie option wasn’t mentioned again until earlier this year when suddenly Les had a check from some cheesy cable network and began working on his screenplay. That was as far as it got.

  4. Guest Page Turner Author

    Do people dismantle their porch swings for winter? What do they do with them?

  5. Charles

    Why is Les writing a cover letter? He’s not proposing or pitching anything.

    What’s pathetic is if they gave this script assignment to an actual professional, they would have had it done in a week. And it would’ve been something they could have used. Instead they’re going to get hack-work by an amateur that’s so married to the source material that it’s worthless.

    The indulgences everyone gives this goofball… and then he has the brass to whine about it.

  6. Must not say “Christ, what an asshole”… Willpower… fading… superpowers… waning… must… pun… “Heist, what a crass hole!”

  7. Sgt. Saunders

    The writing “war”? Relating Les’ epic dumbassery, total failure to produce, to keep on task and to have any discipline whatsoever to a war. On Veteran’s Day. In the immortal words of Johnny Pissoff, “that pii-ii-ii-iissssses me off.” Where the hell does that pipsqueak Batshit get off – OB, are you believing this shit?

  8. Sgt. Saunders

    PS – If anyone Googles Johnny Pissoff, you’ll need the term “Iliad” to get the proper reference.

  9. “I think I’m regressing back to the mean” far, far surpasses “in the main” as the douchiest thing any comic strip character has ever said. Les/Batiuk has outdone himself again.

    Many thanks and a hand salute from this civilian to our nation’s veterans.

  10. Howard and Nester

    And to think that our servicemembers have sacrificed so much to protect this lazy, entitled jerk’s right to whinge about his writer’s block regarding his inane and interminable.life.

    Happy Veteran’s day, everyone.

  11. merrypookster

    Tom you 1/2 ass lazy piece ‘ turd.
    Two semi-main character Veterans and it’s all about Les Writing Wars?
    Oh you use them irreverently to suit your needs….but just once could you give your own creations some respect?


    Okay, first let me get this out of the way. It is monumentally insensitive that on a day that celebrates fallen soldiers, that Batiuk compares Les writer’s block to warfare.

    Second, if they’re referring to the Lisa’ story screenplay…HOW EFFING DIFFICULT IS IT TO WRITE ABOUT A BOOK YOU ALREADY WROTE!!!!!!


    —-Do people dismantle their porch swings for winter? What do they do with them?—–

    I actually googled this to see if this was accurate and got this response on a forum. It’s so appropriate for this strip!!

    “‘m guessing you have a wooden swing. Depends if you want to bring it
    in. Some do, but a lot of people who have better things to do with their
    time leave it hanging but wrap it in plastic sheeting from the hardware
    store to keep the moisture from the winter rain and snow off it. It’s
    moisture — not temperature — that leads wood to a premature death,
    generally speaking.”

  14. billytheskink

    A big thank you to our veterans for defending our freedoms at home and abroad, and for defending TB’s right to draw Les with no neck.

  15. Howard and Nester

    TFHackett: “I think I’m regressing back to the mean” far, far surpasses “in the main” as the douchiest thing any comic strip character has ever said.

    What? So what did Les Moore’s peak combination of luck and skill result in when he wasn’t coasting on douchechill fumes? A trashy celebrity detective novel and a book that Lifetime would reject as ‘too jejune’? That…

    …makes a lot of sense, actually. Rock on, you smug jerk.

  16. What a coincidence, watching Les whining about how haaaaard it is to be a successful professional writer is making me mean, too.

  17. Professor Fate

    And once again a FW plot line wanders about like the victim of blunt headforce trama and then just stops. with this new arc it is as if Batuik as in old joke where the married man caught by his wife with another woman, is saying “What Starbuck Jones plot? There was never a Starbuck Jones Plot.”

  18. bobanero

    Didn’t we see Les crank out his home-run-sappy-lifetime-channel dialog months ago? As has been pointed out before, there are at least two characters (one of whom is part of the current arc), who would be perfect to include in a Veteran’s Day tribute. Don’t tell me he doesn’t know a year ahead of time when Veteran’s Day is.


    What truly makes this even worse, is that a couple of days ago, Tom Cruise referred to acting as war. Does anybody even take a glance at the strips before publishing them? Oh, yeah that’s right….they probably don’t think anyone actually reads Funky Winkerbean.

  20. Epicus Doomus

    Les is at his absolute most annoying when he’s doing his “writing martyr” schtick. The story is written, there’s nothing for him to get “stuck” on here. Batty has been spinning his wheels regarding this “Lisa’s Story” screenplay for years now which makes me wonder what the whole point of it is supposed to be. Is he doing ot just to give Les more complaint fuel or is he just too lazy to take the story to the next level?

  21. Gyre

    Epicus, a though occurs to me. Batiuk is not advancing the plot at all concerning Lisa’s script because he might not have any idea what he’s going to fill the strip with after that happens. Face it, even with his padding and delays, sooner or later he’ll have to just stop writing about her because he’s got nothing left. And what’ll he write then?

  22. Charles

    sooner or later he’ll have to just stop writing about her because he’s got nothing left. And what’ll he write then?

    I think you underestimate our dear Mr. Batiuk. There are a whole lot of journals and video tapes still left to uncover, and when he gets tired of those, there are innumerable people whose lives were touched by Lisa in some way.

    Is he doing ot just to give Les more complaint fuel or is he just too lazy to take the story to the next level?

    I look at this and I think that Batiuk genuinely has no idea what would happen after Les is finished with the script. I think he thinks he knows how writing a script is supposed to go, even if he really doesn’t, but for a film to actually go into production, he has no idea and knows he has no idea, because he can’t even imagine the first step.

    Or maybe he realizes that once that happens, Les’ personal involvement will shrink significantly, even if, again, he has no idea exactly how, and he’s not ready to do that yet. After all, Les isn’t going to direct the film, cast the film, construct sets and star in it.

    OR IS HE??

  23. And now, today’s Funky Winkerbean trope list. Feel free to yell “Check!” after you read each one.

    1. Tone-deaf strip on a solemn holiday.
    2. Batominc misuses a literary technique (in media res) by abruptly abandoning rather than starting a story arc in the middle.
    3. Les whining about how hard writing is.
    4. Batominc doesn’t understand something (in this case, regression toward the mean).
    5. Batominc’s character who is an expert on the English language mangles a common phrase (“regressing back to the mean”).
    6. Cayla’s worried that Les’s procrastination will prevent the big Hollywood checks from rolling in.
    7. Prominent falling leaf because it’s fall, y’all!
    8. Grotesque rendering of the human arm and hand (panel 2, Les’s right arm & hand).
    9. Way too many motion lines (does Les suffer from Parkinsonism?).
    10. Character Moai (Cayla, panel 2).
  24. Also, really, WordPress? That’s how you render an ordered list?

  25. Pingback: Today’s top 10 Funky Winkerbean tropes | oddnoc > 140 characters

  26. Beanie Wanker

    Why do you think he’s taking the swing down? He’s been in the same position for quite a while. And he’s quivering… Clearly, an invisible Dead Lisa is sitting on the swing delivering imaginary “oral pleasure” for Goatee Boy as he dangles from the chain in front of her.

    Either that, or he’s trying to figure out a way to hang himself.

  27. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Is it too much to hope that Les is attempting to hang himself from the porch swing chain, to cure himself of his writer’s woes? If we’re going to have a war on writing, then we really need a proper casualty.

    “I look at this and I think that Batiuk genuinely has no idea what would happen after Les is finished with the script.”

    He could finally take some time to get to know the new woman he’s married to, but, hey, that’s just me.