I’m not sure if Tom Batiuk is being subtle or it’s just random, but it does look as if two people are bearing away a casket to be buried, doesn’t it?
Writing can be a difficult process, but I don’t see how Les is having problems here. As has been pointed out many times already, Les has already lived the story. He wrote the book. It’s not like he has to think up an ending. All he has to do is break it down into a script format. But–I don’t think he wants to anymore. I think he’s looking for an excuse, any excuse to say “Sorry, I tried, but I just can’t do what Hollywood wants.” This, you’ll remember, for a first draft overdue by several months, naturally.
See, I believe that he’s been re-reading the book, and he’s discovered something. He’s now thinking, My God, this book is terrible. What a really poorly written book. What leaden prose, what an insufferable narrator. This would make a truly dreadful movie. And he imagines his name on television, exposing his lack of talent to a much vaster audience than the book ever had. Lord, what have I gotten myself into? I’ll never be able to show my face again. I can’t believe anything this bad was ever published.
Us neither, Les. Us neither.
Son of Stuck Funky 
This is absolutely awful in every f*cking conceivable way. If after six/seven months of work Les is STILL toiling over the screenplay adaptation of his book that was based on his own life experience, he really is just a shitty “writer” who’d be best off sticking with being a shitty teacher instead. Every single time one of his “writers” (Les and Pete) has a job to do they wallow in misery, self-pity and whining about it, which begs the question: if “writing” sucks so much, why bother with it at all? Too bad no one ever bothered to ask Batom that question a few decades ago, eh?
There are only two ways this can go. Either he just spends the week whimpering and making unbelievably shitty jokes about his incompetence, or he somehow invokes HER. As bad as it’ll be, I’m praying for option one, as you should be as well.
Not only does Les have his own book and memories to work from, he even has The Holy One’s own diary now to refer to, possibly flesh things out from another perspective…. Is that where this week is going? Again, we have the problem of that being potentially interesting…
Wasn’t Les doing a mental victory lap a few months ago for having finished some of the most inane dialogue ever written for the screen? Guess the celebration was premature.
It’s been pointed out yesterday, but what kind of asshat feels the need to take a porch swing down and put it into the garage for the winter? Does it snow in lava form in Ohio?
The failure to be able to scratch out a screenplay is just TB mining more procrastination material, because that’s what he struggles with daily. Obviously.
Nice use of perspective today, however.
No excuse. None, Mr Battic (rhymes with “attiuk”) None whatsoever. You are a bad artist, a bad storyteller, and you make people with actual real-life problems feel worse about themselves and their families.
November 3rd’s strip, Les’ stupid swing already gone. I knew it.
Remember the smug look of asshattery on Les’s face when he was talking to his agent?
“*I* want to write the screenplay.”
Well, there ya go, sport. Wish granted. Unless you’ve got a million dollar life insurance policy I bet Cayla’s seriously regretting marrying “Mr. Hollywood.” now.
Okay, I hinted at this yesterday, but no, just NO. This isn’t how it works.
They would have given Les one month to submit a script. They would not have babied him and bent over to accommodate his delicate specialness. He would have had one month.
And when the script didn’t show up in a month, Les would forfeit whatever advance money he got for agreeing to write the script. Then the producers would have immediately farmed out the script to a professional who would have gotten it done in 3-7 days, and here’s the really nasty part for our delicate specialness: they would have made him pay whatever expenses they incurred in finding and securing a replacement for him.
People don’t fuck around like this. We’re supposed to believe that this producer has just sat around for several months waiting for this delicate flower to get off his ass and do what he’s contractually obligated to do, something that he himself demanded. Does Batiuk really believe that an average television producer has nothing better to do? That they’d be willing to have their schedule set by someone who can’t do his damn job in anywhere near a timely manner? That they’ll sit and wait like this when they could have put together two other productions in the time it’s taken this doofus to.. hell, he’s not even finished with it yet.
It might surprise Batiuk, but people plan their careers, and they can’t afford to just throw away several months of their career waiting for some dumbass to do his job. With Les waffling like this, they will have lost the chance to assemble a credible cast, or hire a competent director, unless they want to delay the movie another two years, because all the relevant people in the industry would already have taken competing jobs months or years ago. You have to plan when your crew is going to be ready to film, and you simply cannot afford to adjust that because doofus takes an extra six months diddling with the script.
I mean, damn, part of the reason why it took Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull so long to be released is because Spielberg and Ford had scheduling conflicts that extended out to half a decade. I mean, does he really think that when Matt Damon finishes principal photography for one of his roles, he just goes home and waits for the phone to ring again?
Charles: Just an awesome takedown of Batom’s completely idiotic screenplay story. He’s had Les waffle around about it for at least two or three years already, hard to buy that “Hollywood” wouldn’t have told him to go f*ck himself and/or just made up their own cancer story by now.
And let’s not overlook the fact that Les is a high school teacher and thus had the entire summer off, too.
“It is in hospice. Like my dead wife. When she was dying of cancer. Haw, I slay me.”
Heck. Charles, they would have most likely required Les to already have a properly formatted, copyrighted showcase script submitted up front just to establish his credentials as a screenwriter!
And if Les had -really- been serious about writing the screenplay, he’d have been writing and polishing a draft every week, every DAY for the past couple of years.
The problem is, to Tom, characters who actively pursue and desire things are automatically and innately evil. Good fortune is something that only happens to perfectly passive, perfectly self-fixated types like Les because only they suffer properly. Only they “deal with life”, whatever THAT means.
Bull, Tom. Load. Of. Bull.
@Epicus Of course the swing was off the porch on the 3rd. Les put it back though, to think about the name of Funky’s car.
Les is Tom’s Avatar…..Les has failed as a writer…..Tom is a failed writer.
Simple logic.
Charles I have to say bravo and well done indeed on your epic takedown of this silly Les writing the script arc. And for some reason Ed Wood came to mind here. He was a terrible writer but he was fast. Which as you point out so well is a big thing.
“It is in hospice. Like my dead wife. When she was dying of cancer, and about whom I wrote a book; but not like John Darling, who didn’t die of cancer, but about whom I wrote a book anyway.”
Lovely…
Charles is right about Hollywood not being patient about this screenplay. The screenplay’s writer also authored the book about a life he himself shared, so it isn’t like there’s a lot of verifying research to do.
Compare this to a sitcom writer, who can bang out something that’s interesting, relevant, and funny in like no time – and receive more praise for it, too…
@Charles – an excellent summation of the failures in this story. Y’all oughta be a guest host here!
Jesus F. Christ….C’mon Les. It’s only a Lifetime movie were talking about here. It’s not like he’s coming up with the series finale to a groundberaking HBO series or something!!!! Just have some overly sad moments, some boring platitudes and some pretentious melodrama and you should be fine!! In other words…write the screenplay like how your creator writes Funky Winkerbean.
My theory: TB is stalling in-strip because a deal to pick up his Lisa’s Story script in real life fell through. The plan was for the strip story and film production/release to coincide and cross-promote.
Perhaps TB could get The Asylum to release a Funky Winkerbean’s Homecoming film direct to DVD…
I’m going to actually be an advocate for the strip here, sorry everyone. I don’t think Les is still having trouble writing the strip. That was submitted months ago when he hit it out a the park.
I think they were referring to the entire project being shelved, but as usual, incorrectly and awkwardly written.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a go outside and gather my lawn gnomes to put away for the winter, as the sad majestic leaves of autumn swirl about me.
This strip is in hospice.
Nice try, GPTA, but yesterday’s strip disproves your assertion, I believe.
@GPTA – an excellent view, and ordinarily a very valid interpretation–however…well, no spoilers.
(How pathetic is it that one’s superpower allows one to travel into the future…but only to read Funky Winkerbean?)
@beckoningchasm – The living definition of, “It’s a gift and a curse”.
Sorry Guest Page, but it’s been confirmed for a while now that the script still hasn’t been written. Remember Les telling Funky that he wouldn’t be able to work at the store because of how hard writing the script was? That came months after that self-indulgent and arrogant ballpark scene.
If you need any more than that, just look at yesterday’s strip.
The way I remember it, this whole “Lisa’s Story-The Movie” thing began a little after the infamous book launch tour arc, which means it was maybe late 2010-early 2011. He met with a few shallow and weird “Hollywood” people and was deeply conflicted about selling his story to them. So he did what anyone in his situation would do: he completely ignored his living family and went to the park to discuss it with his dead wife. I believe that was Lisa’s last non-video/journal appearance, too, I don’t think she’s been back to the park bench since.
And then the arc mysteriously just ended, just like that. It wasn’t mentioned again until this year, when not only was Les going to do it, but he’d already been paid! Then he quit Montoni’s and presumably “got to work” on his “cover letter” and here we are.
Wow, I am completely wrong! He still is actually talking about the damn script! That’s what I get for trying to use rational thinking with these stories.
I feel so stupid, like such a fool! You guys can’t possibly imagine what I am going through, but at least I know you will always be there for me!
I wish I had a link to it, but my favorite moment of the first screenplay arc was when Summer said something about making “Lisa’s Story” a 3-D film. Yes, that’s right, Lisa’s own daughter wanted to watch her die in agony in full 3-D. If you missed that solid four or five months of Les, consider yourself lucky.
The way I remember it, this whole “Lisa’s Story-The Movie” thing began a little after the infamous book launch tour arc, which means it was maybe late 2010-early 2011. He met with a few shallow and weird “Hollywood” people and was deeply conflicted about selling his story to them. So he did what anyone in his situation would do: he completely ignored his living family and went to the park to discuss it with his dead wife.
Hate to tell you this, but you’re not remembering it right. The Hollywood people who looked like the fruitcake art teacher and Chien were both figments of Les’s imagination, as he was worrying to Lisa on their park bench about how terrible Hollywood can be, from what he’s heard. They proposed some typically inane ideas eg. “Does Lisa have to die?” (which wouldn’t be completely ridiculous) and “I’ve got it! Les and Lisa are Vampires!” They never did, in fact exist, and no Hollywood person was ever shown in the strip.
Instead, he had a huge laundry list of demands before he agreed to option “Lisa’s Story” and we never in fact got to hear how that went. Presumably they gave in to all of his ridiculous demands, made no demands of their own, and still optioned the novel.
“My theory: TB is stalling in-strip because a deal to pick up his Lisa’s Story script in real life fell through. The plan was for the strip story and film production/release to coincide and cross-promote.”
You mean like when someone had the bright idea to make a TV movie out of the “Peanuts” strip? Only this one wouldn’t have good/cute characters or an interesting/funny story? Boffo!
Charles: You are correct. I believe his agent told him there was interest at which point he started imagining all the ways in which Hollywood would degrade and ruin HER story. I may have confused the Hollywood scenes with his book launch tour interview with Radio Ron, which was sort of similar (lots of “insensitive” questions re: LS).
But I do definitely remember his scenes in the park and how the arc just suddenly ended out of nowhere and dangled there unresolved until earlier this year.