Move Toward The Light

Link To Today’s Strip

Hands up, everyone who didn’t see this coming a mile away.  Let’s see–that’s one, two, three–OMG, you people are going to have to see me after class if you have any hope of passing the mid-term.  Or that kidney stone.  I’ll let you choose which is less painful.

Of course, if, in a strip from next week, Cory returns home and, before it can land, that helicopter blows up, why, that would be great and I would personally buy Tom Batiuk a beer.   Of course, odds of that happening with the sacred cast are probably as close to zero as you can get without squinting.

Now if, as some have speculated, Rocky ends up dead or maimed, well…she’ll fit in nicely with Kerry, Carla, that biker dude who sold comics, and the rest of the anonymous horde who only serve to illustrate the troubles of the Funky Winkerbean cast in a greater arena before disappearing into their respective hells.   IE, it might be used to briefly illustrate a point, but then they and their sufferings will be shuffled quietly off-stage, never to be seen again.  After all, Les Moore, after all.

And before you ask, yes, I was going to call shenanigans on Holly’s surprise, since her cellphone probably flashed “Cory Winkerbean” when it rang, but…then I thought, perhaps Cory is using someone else’s phone.  Or perhaps the Winkerbeans never store anything in their contacts, or use different ring-tones, or any number of other stupid reasons why I hate writing about these people.  It is, after all, evil technology(R)(C), use of which is prohibited.

The wrap-up, here, of this arc (I am being optimistic) illustrates one of the major problems this strip has–it’s so static.  Nothing ever really changes.  Oh sure, Khahn moves away, Dopey Pete moves away, Cindy moves back…but those are all relatively trivial.  Since the death of Lisa, Tom Batiuk seems to have decided that this strip is just going to drift along on weak wordplay, smirks and depressive smacks to the head until someone in quality control notices what they’re paying for.  I guess payments for Funky Winkerbean are like the paychecks for Milton from Office Space.  Someday, someone will fix the glitch.

Perhaps I’m just someone bummed out because my favorite character, the Pouncing Darkness, is brutally dispatched over the course of today’s offering.  Farewell, Darkness!  I’ll–I’ll never forget you!  And I’ll vote for your Pulitzer!

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10 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

10 responses to “Move Toward The Light

  1. crm114

    Damn am I depressed. My tears fall like a torrent. Cory isn’t dead. Damn.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    This arc began with a helicopter crash that killed sixteen people (a possible single arc FW record, BTW), then we watched as Holly and Funky worried that the Corporal might be dead. Then he wraps the whole thing up with yet another “aww shucks, Ma!” gag (Cory’s entire post-enlistment personality, BTW) and that’s all he wrote, folks. Weird and lazy, FW in a nutshell.

    As BC eloquently pointed out in his post, it’s the kind of drivel that seriously makes you wonder how and why FW continues to exist at all. Clearly it must somehow be generating a profit for someone but who? And how? It’s a question that’s long confounded me. There’s this form of entertainment that isn’t entertaining at all, nor is it well-written, well-drawn or “iconic” in any way yet it has continuously existed for over forty years. And it isn’t that I want to put a stop to it or anything like that, I just want to understand it. All common sense and logic dictates that it shouldn’t be there, yet it is.

  3. This is the way the arc ends,
    not with a bang but…well, it’s not even a whimper.

  4. Mr. B.Lumpkin

    To paraphrase the great Archie Bunker, “This is Cory Winkerbean calling from the grave. Wish you were here!”

  5. Howard and Nester

    This is the way the arc ends,
    not with a bang but…well, it’s not even a whimper.

    You’re thinking of the sound of a whoopie cushion.

  6. Now let’s find out if Cory is now missing a limb, paralyzed from the neck down or horribly disfigured.

  7. Orbiter

    Death takes a holiday.

  8. Merry Pookster

    Batiuk must have some weird masochistic animal porn pictures of Brendon Burford in order for King to continue FW under contract.

  9. bayoustu

    Based solely on Flunky’s pose in Panel 2, I expected his dialogue to be more like: “By gum, Maw! Well, ain’t that just dandy! Wait ’til I tell the fellers down to the barber shop!” And all this over an obnoxious, hateful little git he (like us) despised…

  10. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    “Fine” is such a relative term in the Funkyverse. “Fine” could mean anything from Corey is only missing one limb to “Life in Taliban prison camp, is not as bad as they say.”

    Still holding out that Rocky, the female soldier, is horribly disfigured. Which actually still might make her more attractive than 90% of the Westview female population.