Hands up, everyone who didn’t see this coming a mile away. Let’s see–that’s one, two, three–OMG, you people are going to have to see me after class if you have any hope of passing the mid-term. Or that kidney stone. I’ll let you choose which is less painful.
Of course, if, in a strip from next week, Cory returns home and, before it can land, that helicopter blows up, why, that would be great and I would personally buy Tom Batiuk a beer. Of course, odds of that happening with the sacred cast are probably as close to zero as you can get without squinting.
Now if, as some have speculated, Rocky ends up dead or maimed, well…she’ll fit in nicely with Kerry, Carla, that biker dude who sold comics, and the rest of the anonymous horde who only serve to illustrate the troubles of the Funky Winkerbean cast in a greater arena before disappearing into their respective hells. IE, it might be used to briefly illustrate a point, but then they and their sufferings will be shuffled quietly off-stage, never to be seen again. After all, Les Moore, after all.
And before you ask, yes, I was going to call shenanigans on Holly’s surprise, since her cellphone probably flashed “Cory Winkerbean” when it rang, but…then I thought, perhaps Cory is using someone else’s phone. Or perhaps the Winkerbeans never store anything in their contacts, or use different ring-tones, or any number of other stupid reasons
why I hate writing about these people. It is, after all, evil technology(R)(C), use of which is prohibited.
The wrap-up, here, of this arc (I am being optimistic) illustrates one of the major problems this strip has–it’s so static. Nothing ever really changes. Oh sure, Khahn moves away, Dopey Pete moves away, Cindy moves back…but those are all relatively trivial. Since the death of Lisa, Tom Batiuk seems to have decided that this strip is just going to drift along on weak wordplay, smirks and depressive smacks to the head until someone in quality control notices what they’re paying for. I guess payments for Funky Winkerbean are like the paychecks for Milton from Office Space. Someday, someone will fix the glitch.
Perhaps I’m just someone bummed out because my favorite character, the Pouncing Darkness, is brutally dispatched over the course of today’s offering. Farewell, Darkness! I’ll–I’ll never forget you! And I’ll vote for your Pulitzer!