CRAAAACK heads

With a mighty CRAAAACK!, the Universe lets the assembled witnesses know exactly what Its objections are to this union—hey! Wait a minute!

All the guests are gone, delivering the inexplicable continuity failure I promised you. The director forgot to have the congregation congregate for the big lightning scene. Because it doesn’t make a lick of sense for the two principals and the officiant to hang out in the rain alone. No human beings would do that. I guess the Batominc Quarter-Inch Reality Generator Mark 4 is on the fritz again, because it really shanked the plot on this daily basis.

The Blonde Rachel Character Unit fails to see “any reason to leave now.” Yeah, well, I’ve got about a dozen, not counting the inclement weather, and—dollars to doughnuts, cancer to Alzheimer’s—they’re huddling at Montoni’s, wondering where the hell these clownbots are.

You’ll see.

17 thoughts on “CRAAAACK heads”

  1. Great, now he almost dies DURING his wedding! The indignities never stop for poor, poor Wally. Obviously they’re all running toward the only business in town that’s open…surprise!…and that means that the day after the wedding Wally and Rachel will be washing plates and cleaning up Les f*cking Moore’s chewed-upon pizza crusts as they begin their pitiful minimum wage lives together, wallowing in wry smirks and abject misery until slow, lingering death do they part. What a nightmare.

  4. Here’s hoping the presumably wood gazebo burns to the ground. Man, he loves to draw that thing.

  5. Only in Funky Winkerbean would a wedding get flooded out and the bride would still say “Nah, there’s no reason to take shelter…”

  6. Even the Supreme Ruler of The Universe is sick of this strip and these people. The angels say, “It’s the only time we’ve ever heard Him say He made a mistake, He shakes His head back and forth and keeps saying ‘Westview'”.

  7. TFH: Thanks, enjoyed that. He did a nice job capturing that faux-sincerity TB oozes during those puff-piece interviews of his. That guy had some serious snark potential, RIP.

    I used to think there was only one gazebo but now I think it’s a park filled with many gazebos, each gazebo serving a specific gazebo purpose. There’s the band concert gazebo, the love gazebo, the comic book reading gazebo, the pizza eating gazebo, the remebrances of things long past gazebo and probably a shitload more in all possible gazebo configurations. I mean I know the park borders the fabled Montoni’s district on one side but look out thar yonder toward that horizon. See all those trees? Those are the vast Westviewian forests, full of trees that are just perfect for gazebo-making. And judging by the intensity of this Westviewian weather, gazebo-making is possibly the third or fourth main occupation in town.

    Or I could be totally wrong and there’s just one that changes according to TheAuthor’s unpredictable approach toward continuity, I don’t know. I doubt he does either. I’ve been clamoring for years for an overhead map of Westview to no avail. I mean look at the character page on his website, that thing hasn’t been updated in ten years.

  8. Wow…just wow. The strip not only oozes contempt for Wally, it shouts it from the rafters. Probably the only character who honestly deserves our sympathy gets scorched earth from his creator.

    While Les Moore, easily the worst character in comic strips for fifty years, gets a pass on everything. The poor precious genius!

    Tom Batiuk, at long last, sir, have you no shame? Not even a little bit? Not even a smidgen, popped out from a mustard can long thought dried out and dead?

    “Funky Winkerbean” is not only the worst comic strip ever, it is rapidly approaching worst thing ever.

  9. Tune in tomorrow for Funky serving up a steaming plate of “I told you so!!”
    That’ll put a capper on Batiuk taking a creamy dump all over Wally.

  10. “Here’s hoping the presumably wood gazebo burns to the ground. Man, he loves to draw that thing.”

    In Westview, the gazebos are brontophiliac and fireproof.

  11. In the hands of a better, more optimistic author, we’d have an Aesop about how the marriage would HAVE to be more pleasant than the wedding or some such good-think. Sadly, we’re getting more thud and blunder from a man who thinks that Wally needs to keep on paying for some made-up crime forever. Perhaps Rachel’s new hair color is because she changed wigs……..

  12. Having recently been married, I can tell you that even the most cheapest outdoor wedding has some type of inclement weather plan. Some indoor location close by that the wedding can take place at. Then again., we are dealing with the guy that proposed with a piece of paper as a ring.

    Which leads to an intersting question…who is the wedding planner for Westview?

Comments are closed.