Do They? Do They Really?

Today’s strip portrays the exchange of “I dos” at Montoni’s, because of course they ended up at Montoni’s, the only reliable social venue in the wretched town of Westview.

I promised you a non-sequitur, and Funky delivers it. His bad Winkerbean vibes having dissipated, and with a smirk that shifts his mouth half way to his left temple, Funky opines: “They don’t call Montoni’s ‘the wedding chapel of love’ for nothing!”

Never mind that he just subverted Wally’s wedding to do a promo for his business. They don’t call Montoni’s “the wedding chapel of love” at all. Also, how does that not dislocate his jaw?

Meanwhile, the weeping chef in the background is playing the old “I’m crushing your head” game.

I crush your head, then I cry!
I crush your head, then I cry!

Meanwhile, some random boy has been hanging around with Funky during the entire sequence.

A smirk and a random kid.
A smirk and a random kid.

Who is this kid? It hardly matters, as I expect Batominc will send him to the Corn Field of Discarded Characters, just like all these others that Epicus Doomus so kindly enumerated for us recently:

Frankie, Lennie, the gay prom dudes, Art Teacher, Jarod Posey, Dr. Patella, Radio Ron, Closeted Gay Prom Rock, Mallory the Perfect Human Genome, Rachel’s kid, Kili the cat and that annoying Dan guy, Cell Phone Girl, that tall blonde girl that was always on whatever team Summer was playing against, Travel Agency Woman, Plantman…


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

17 responses to “Do They? Do They Really?

  1. Epicus Doomus

    “Chapel of love”??? More like the church of chumps, the temple of tripe, the synagogue of shame, the altar of asswipes and so on. What a pathetic collection of guests too, aside from Rachel’s kid (I’m assuming that’s who that is) and Buddy, who was given nothing whatsoever to do. Just imagine having to get married at your job, then imagine that job is at a low-rent pizza shack. If the PTSD won’t get him, the deep feeling of shame certainly will. Even his inevitable divorce will be more fun than this hapless wedding was. Another single-paneler too, definitely one of BatFail’s weakest arcs of the year (a really crowded category, BTW).

  2. CRM114

    Agreed, this arc is so weak and bad that my powers of snark have left me. I mean, all of the guests ran for cover leaving those three to stay? Sure! And the rain didn’t wash the blond out of her hair? Really, this is the classic definition of “calling it in”. Batiuk must laugh on the way to the bank. He insults everyone at other sites but doesn’t give a damn about even trying in the least to come up with something of any quality; what a jerk!!!

  3. Rembrandt36

    Okay – I know Funky has been working out and actually, actually has just the slightest glimmer of his former younger self in this drawing; that will change tomorrow of course. My question; how the FUCK did his wife lose all her weight? Look at that neck! W.T.F?

  4. So basically the Dark God of the Funkyverse showed his displeasure at someone daring to hold an event anywhere other than Montoni’s, but now all is right with the world and the clouds will part until the next time a week of “hey, it always rains at the Battle of the Bands!” strips is required.

  5. Rick Brooks

    Who invites his ex-wife and her current husband to his second wedding?

  6. Rusty

    Whoever called Wally and Rachel returning to Montoni’s to finish their shifts wins a prize. If that really is Rachel’s forgotten son, do they keep him in a closet in the dump upstairs? It’s more likely her ex has custody, even if he is incarcerated or deceased. He can still provide a better standard of living.

  7. I think Funky called Montoni’s “the wedding chapel of love” during the Dinkle Anniversary Torture Session Arc from last year. I only remember that, vaguely, because it happened on my beat.

    TFH sez: Right you are, BC! July 18, 2013:

  8. DOlz

    That’s no random child, that’s Les and not Lisa’s child. Don’t you remember where Les’ car broke down and not Lisa had the kid in Montoni’s delivery van? No, oh that’s right we’ll be seeing that story in flashbacks at some point when TB decides that they had a kid to make a point. A sand dune has better permanence than this strip’s continuity.

  9. carriekube1

    The gazebo didn’t start on fire and horribly disfigure the bride and/or groom? Bad Batiuk. Imagine all the “adoration” you could’ve gotten for handling the treatment of burn victims.

  10. Ah, well. At least now we can get back to something less painf….
    I can’t even finish that sentence because everything is going to hurt.

  11. Epicus Doomus

    Wally really has fallen in the Westviewian pecking order through the years. Wally was at the center of some of TB’s most over-the-top and outlandish arcs ever back in the frenetic Act II days. He even got a few lengthy Act III arcs a few years back. But now he’s fallen so far he had to ask Jessica to film his wedding…and she bailed halfway through. That’s the second project in a row she’s quit, by the way. So sad on so many levels.

    I’m pretty sure that’s Rachel’s unnamed kid. Who knows why he felt obliged to give Rachel a whole moronic back story but let’s just be thankful he never really went anywhere with it because really, who gives a shit? It only took him thirty-plus years to realize that you don’t always have to create an entire fictional universe for every single character featuring more and more new characters you never have enough time to ever get back to in any meaningful way. Look at the official FW webpage’s “cast” drawing, there are at least five or six characters there who haven’t been mentioned in years if not decades. Kevin Brown, Mooch, the pizza chef, the basketball coach and etc. So sad on so many levels.

  12. This is awful even by Batiukian standards:
    Holly looks like Cindy – or is it Cindy?
    Bride, who has been depicted as a readhead, is now blonde.
    Ohio doesn’t always have shitty weather.
    Melon-headed mystery boy.
    Short shrift given to wedding vows. because weather!

  13. Holly looks good – meaning TB lost her character model sheet a year ago.

  14. bigd1992

    This happiness must be balanced by tragedy, so someone is going to choke to death at the reception, or the mystery boy gets hit by a car.

  15. Odd how they have Boy X and not Wally Junior or Rana in the wedding party.

  16. Spode

    Rather callous of Funky to forget that Wally had already gotten married at Montoni’s once before – in a double ceremony with Funky and Holly. And we know how that turned out.

  17. Charles

    Who invites his ex-wife and her current husband to his second wedding?

    Especially when you consider the relationship between Wally and the new husband. Actually, Wally seems fairly oblivious to what’s going on in that relationship, but that doesn’t explain why Gross John decided he’d like to go.

    What’s sadder though is that they are two of the seven people who came to the ceremony/reception, and of the five remaining guests, Les and Cayla are two of them. It shows just how little regard Batiuk has for his strip. He gives such insufficient consideration to which guests Wally and Rachel would want that he inserts Les and Cayla into the scene, who have demonstrated no in-strip relationship whatsoever with the couple. Les is basically there for no other reason than he’s the main character of the strip, and Cayla’s there because she’s his wife. That’s it. It would have made no less in-strip sense to have Holly’s mother be there..