Dys-Funktion

Link To Today’s Strip

OMG that’s f*cking disgusting. I seriously think I’m going to vomit. Just thinking about it makes me want to retch. Seriously man, that’s the most frightening Funky profile I have EVER seen and I’ve seen them all. Man alive, is that a terrifying drawing or what? If you go from panel to panel it’s like the evolution of early man.

So Les can’t sleep, eat or get erections (bluuurgh) and he hallucinates talking cats who like to chip away at his self esteem. It’s so reassuring to know that Tombat can still relate so well with the everyday people who read his strip, you know? I think it’s safe to say that her comments today pretty much cement Cayla’s status as the least realistic character in the history of fiction because…well, I think it’s pretty obvious why. Nice to see that Montoni’s is as busy as ever too.

Coming next week: “Defenders Of The Faith” starring Les Moore as Tom Batiuk and you beady-eyed nitpickers as “Hollywood”! Cheer for Les as he defends the cancer book’s honor! Weep with him as he recounts the tragic sequence of contrivances that led to her horrible death! Come for the puns…stay for the wordplay! (Remember folks, “Lisa’s Story…The Other Shoe is still available wherever fine books collections of old comic strips are sold!)

 

 

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27 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “Dys-Funktion

  1. Gyre

    Why, oh why, would she ever tell them that? And wasn’t she the one who flatly told him when he expressed interest in sex that she wanted him to write the script? It’s called ‘continuity’.

  2. Rusty

    It’s clear that Batiuk engineered the last time jump so he could wallow in his generation’s physical decline. Even though Funky and Les are purportedly about 53 now, he writes them to be his actual age, which is mid 60’s I believe. And fading fast.

  3. The only thing I want to hear about Les Moore is that he was “brained by a piece of masonry.”

    (Now that I think about it, though, that particular Odgred Weary story is right up Tom Batiuk’s alley…if he had taste and ability, that is.)

  4. Guest Page Turner Author

    Holy Shit! As if it wasn’t pathetic enough, now this loser can’t even get a boner! And his wife is discussing it with their friends! I wish him dead.

  5. Guest Page Turner Author

    Her too

  6. Guest Page Turner Author

    Her even more than him.

  7. More proof, as if we needed it, that Cayla comes a distant fourth in Les’ life (after Lisa, Les’ book about Lisa, and Les himself).

  8. To lift a phrase from John Green: This strip has robbed me of my ability to even.

  9. Howard and Nester

    @Epic Doomus:: FYI, the TMI and the Funky and/or Les tags are redundant.

    Stop grossing us out with your butt pareidolia, Funky. Stop talking about your prostate all the time, Funky. Stop talking about you gross little pizzas now and then, Funky. And for heaven’s sake, stop making that face at the customers. They’re trying to eat–oh, sorry.

    As for you Les, stop doing everything. Everything involved with you is TMI, even when you stand silently in the background.

  10. Smirks 'R Us

    Oh dear god. Someone please pass the brain bleach.

  11. What annoys me is not just the fact that Afro-Lisa said too much about a subject that no one wants to think about OR that Les is a whining narcissist in the depressive phase OR that Funky is devolving. What annoys me is that yet again, Batiuk can’t speak colloquial English to save his life. Overshare is yet another failed approximation of the English that young adults like Funky and Les actually speak.

  12. @TheDiva:

    You sure she isn’t somewhere in between liquid paper and pizza?

  13. Today we learn that Les, who is married to an attractive younger woman, can’t get it up. That is certainly a contemporary issue affecting young adults, if by young adults you mean people in their 60s.

  14. bayoustu

    Oh, fer cryin’ out loud! Less is supposedly a “writer”; he’s a published author, he’s made money off of his dreck, Evil Hollywood is going to make an Afterschool Special based on his cancer tome, he’s flying to Californy on his summer vacation, mind you- and he can’t eat, sleep, or have sex!! I should have such problems! (Well, except for the no sex part…)

  15. He’s lost interest in everything? Even this?

  16. The only thing I’m interesting in about Les is his death, which I hope is slow and painful.

  17. DOlz

    @dougputhoff, I have a slight disagreement with your statement. Go with fast and painful, and I’m on board.

  18. @Dolz, Nyahh, I want him to suffer as much as I have.

  19. Sgt. Saunders

    OK, so Les’ plane is still in the air and Cayla’s already trawling for a threesome at Montoni’s. Sheesh.

  20. bigd1992

    Les committing suicide would be a “contemporary issue affecting young adults” that could be handled “in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner.”

  21. Charles

    If it helps any, just imagine that Funky has that Crankshaft nose rather than his normal aquiline beak because someone punched him in the face.

    The thing that’s sad about this is that it demonstrates how shallow a character Cayla is. She has no friends. When she drops her later-life husband off at the airport, she immediately runs off to his haunts to talk to his friends about her problems. She has no friends of her own, and apparently never did. She is beholden to him for everything in her life.

    It’d be an interesting little bleak subplot if we were to find out that Les chased off all of Cayla’s friends and family after she married him, and demands that she associate only with people of his choosing, but that’s not going to happen. She doesn’t have a life of her own because that would be too much of a hassle for Batiuk to consider. So obviously, Les’s values are Cayla’s values. What he defines as important is what she considers important.

  22. @Charles: At least Lisa had a personality of her own…..annoying as it might have been. Cayla’s function seems to be exactly what you said it was: to serve as Laserbeak to Les’s Soundwave.

  23. Epicus Doomus

    Charles: IMO the only reason Les eventually married Cayla is because Batom was afraid (or didn’t know how) to split them up after the “interracial dating” arc ran its predictable course. She’s the epitome of the affable doormat, always in the background grinning stupidly and more than willing to put up with whatever nonsense the bearded dick with ears inflicts upon the earth. Being an African-American woman is her ONLY distinguishing feature, especially since Tombat “whitened” her hairstyle by around 200% or so.

  24. Charles

    IMO the only reason Les eventually married Cayla is because Batom was afraid (or didn’t know how) to split them up after the “interracial dating” arc ran its predictable course

    Well, I think it developed a little differently and because of that he didn’t realize exactly what he was doing and appreciate the implications of having Les potentially leave her for a white woman somewhere down the road.

    Les started going out with Cayla because the standard story was that Les did things that upset or embarrassed Summer, and nothing was more upsetting and embarrassing than dating the mother of Summer’s bitter rival in basketball. I think he decided to do this after he had established the black Keisha as Summer’s rival, (because basketball!) and thus her mother was black as well.

    But then he realized how bad it would look if he had Les and Cayla break up and have Les hook up with a white woman who he would eventually marry. And no matter who the white woman was, each potential story was problematic. If he leaves Cayla and takes up with Cindy, (the only remotely plausible established old-time woman) well, that just underscores how incestuous his world is. If he hooks Les up with Susan, Les has split from a black woman to take up with a crazy white woman in a relationship that reeks of inappropriateness and bad decision-making. Again, that this might be viewed as a “better” option than Cayla is problematic. Finally, Batiuk could split them up and hook Les up with a white woman who was pretty much created for just that purpose, but then his uncomfortable motives become just too obvious.

    So he whitens Cayla and decides that he can deal with Les marrying her, especially since she really doesn’t have any character that might otherwise offend his sensibilities.

    Of course, he could just have Cayla reasonably leave Les because it’d be best for her, because his inability to get over his first wife’s death was reaching comic proportions, but Batiuk would NEVER make light of such a thing. Les isn’t too hung up on Lisa. Les is just as hung up on her as he should be.

  25. Epicus Doomus

    Charles: Awesome post. Over time he just gradually “lightened” her while turning her into the most generic female character he could, even going so far as to basically write their daughters and that whole dynamic out of the strip, more or less. This Batom guy is a certifiable weirdo.

  26. Rusty

    It’s getting late in the day to comment again on today’s shitshow, but some of the above have me thinking how odd it is that a formerly single mother, Cayla, who understandably would be incredibly close to her only daughter, hasn’t been depicted with her or at least communicating with her for months. Kent State must be an incredible place.

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