Yikes, by the third panel I was expecting it to start raining pizza. Starbuck Jones, the obscure and unpopular comic book with hundreds of issues that EVERYONE is talking about. Sigh. TB obviously couldn’t help himself here, much like I couldn’t help myself with today’s post title. Had to use it as it might be Mason’s last appearance…unless…no, I don’t even want to think about that possibility right now.
Why is the guy who just quit still hanging around the place he claims to despise? Likewise, why is Mason still lurking around the set? Is Batom ever going to bother to explain the “kill fee” nonsense he spent three days babbling about? Is panel three Les the single most annoying Les drawing ever or is it just me? What is going on here? Did he officially quit? Is the production cancelled? How is it possible for anyone to be this bad at telling a coherent story and furthermore, how is it possible to get paid for it?
Son of Stuck Funky 
Unseen Panel Four: Mason tosses Holly WInkerbean’s number in the trash, places an order for The Complete Starbuck Jones Vol. 1 on Amazon, and has a good laugh at Les’ pretentious attempts to be “helpful.”
Another grown man is converted to the joys of comic books. He’s going to have to sell his Porsche in order to hang with the Komix Korner Krew.
Oh for crying out loud, another random bigshot who just happens to be completely gaga over comic books after we just had two arcs about the joys of Starbuck Jones?
At this point, I think it’d be more pathetic if Batiuk was sincerely trolling the fanbase and satirizing the comic than if he honestly thought we’d be entertained by this.
With dread anticipation, we now await the dropping of the next shoe from TB’s 5th-grade corpus: the adventures of Spongeman & Absorption Jr.
Despite introducing these new characters, the Funkyverse continues to collapse in on itself. You’re right, Epicus–I’m shocked pizza wasn’t a part of today’s strip.
I expect future episodes of Funky Winkerbean will be three panels of people sitting around reading comic books and eating pizza. Every now and then, one of them will say, “You know, that Les Moore is a total genius and he’s really attuned to everything.” Occasionally, a cast member will go missing and it will be mentioned weeks later that he died.
Well, at least we now know what Batiuk does with his free time, His ultra-cool lifestyle consists of sitting in a low-rent pizza joint and reading Silver Age DC Comics with other old people whining about death panels.
But we were told Mason “was up for” the lead in the Starbucks Jones Movie, which at the very least implies he didn’t get the part… did the actor who got the part exercise his kill fee?
This conclusion is somehow less climactic than the end of a Neal Rubin-penned Gil Thorp plot. Hard to believe, sure, but it really does struggle in comparison to today’s Thorp strip, or even the legendary conclusion to the great Nutboy robbery.
“How is it possible for anyone to be this bad at telling a coherent story and furthermore, how is it possible to get paid for it?”
And how did someone this inept ever get nominated for a Pulitzer?
There is no particular satisfaction in being right about the “kill fee” jibba-jabba. It looks like it was nothing more that a set-up for a lame “joke”. There is apparently no more talk of a “kill fee” and the project goes on without Les and Mason Jar-Jar. Now Les can leave the Hollywood cesspool and return to Westview to begin his next book – “Cayla! Where’s Cayla?”
On another matter, Sunday’s awful comic book cover is coming into clearer focus – I am predicting a Starbuck Jones cover with Mason’s head on Jones’ body and Les lurking in the corner with Zombie Lisa, all relieved in their false belief that, like its heroine, “Lust For Lisa” is dead. Once the Sandler Project comes out, though, (are you ready for Salma Hayek as Lisa?) Les will be Westview’s favorite soft-core pornographer.
Comic books, Pizza and death. And above it all Lord Les smirks.
I assume that Starbuck Jones is like Fantastic Four, and the studio has to shit out a terrible movie every ten years or else they’ll lose the rights.
Dear God in Heaven…is this Batiuk’s way of attempting continuity????!!!!
I guess we should give him credit for actually learning proper writing technique. Baby steps,I guess…
@TFH–“almost” complete? i thought the whole point was that the collection was complete now. does looking at what you wrote last month count as “research”?
@oddnoc–so if his obsessions are from his fifth grade notebook, and his upcoming anti-bullying arc is his experience in grade school, maybe he’s just going in the wrong direction. Instead of (greatly) aging his characters, he seems to want to revisit their childhoods. Just jump back next time, TB.
I was eating pizza the other day when someone asked me about Batman.
“Well,” I said, pushing back my chair and smirking, “every time something happens…something else didn’t happen. So it’s important to keep your didn’t happens in mind, because there are so many more of them.”
He thanked me for my admittedly awesome insight, then asked if he could do anything for me. “DO anything?” I asked, using a different smirk. “Apparently you weren’t listening.”
“How is it possible for anyone to be this bad at telling a coherent story and furthermore, how is it possible to get paid for it?”
Indeed! I’m retired & could use some extra income — can’t draw at all, but I write much better than TB, so I’m probably over-qualified.
“I know how you like to research a character…”
The guy took you out to lunch once and asked you the so-cliche-it-must-be-bullshit question of “what’s my character’s motivation”. If that’s considered “liking” to do research, it’s no wonder Batiuk doesn’t understand how anything works.
You ask: “How is it possible for anyone to be this bad at telling a coherent story and furthermore, how is it possible to get paid for it ?”
Easy when you have those nasty photos of Brenden Burford at the last Christmas party.