Take The Long Box Home

Link To Today’s Strip

Oh brother. DT and Sam are actually using a WPD vehicle to deliver comic books? Another example of Westviewian tax dollars at work. Nice jawline on DT in the last panel, you could chip ice with that profile. I don’t have a protractor handy but that looks like a 90 degree angle to me. And Holly looks like the world’s worst female impersonator today, especially in that last panel. Yikes.

But as shoddy as the artwork may be, it’s nothing compared to the incomprehensible dialog, which makes no sense whatsoever. First of all, Holly isn’t selling the comic books, Komix Korner is. Second, I don’t recall Holly “learning” anything at all during the Comic-Con arc, as all she did was stand around confusedly while looking stupid. And I’m 100% certain she knew how to do that long before she went to San Diego.

The best line of all, though, is DT’s bit about the “shadiness” of comic book geeks. For a guy who loves comic books as much as BanTom does, he sure has a negative opinion of, well, pretty much everyone else into or involved with the hobby. I guess what he’s trying to say here is that even though they may look and behave like a bunch of filthy disgusting morons, it’s the comic book memories in their hearts that truly matter…or something. I’m not really sure and at this point I’m WAY too sick of comic f*cking books to ponder it for even a millisecond longer. And anyhow, if the guy writing the story has no idea what it means what chance do I have of figuring it out?


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

41 responses to “Take The Long Box Home

  1. bad wolf

    Panel 4, with the featureless silhouette calling someone “shady”, may almost qualify as a joke in a Tom-Swifty way (‘ “Who turned out the lights?” Tom asked darkly’ ).

  2. Rusty

    I was in the “Batiuk should draw but stop writing his strip” camp, but today’s effort is making me re-think that. Holly is definitely suffering from potato head.

  3. “It’s all about what you like…not what you’re like.”

    What…WHAT the hell does that mean?

    So, if you like Gardner Fox/Carmine Infantino Flash comics, and you also dismember schoolkids, you’re okay?

    That has got to be the DUMBEST philosophy of all time. I’m thinking Freddy Kruger has to be one of Tom Batiuk’s heroes, because he liked silver age DC comics. (A fact I just made up…fair is fair.)

  4. SpacemanSpiff85

    I kind of think the “point” of this strip must be something along the lines of “Wow! Look at how cool comic books are! All Dick Tracy does is lug them around! And he, a guy who deals with terrorists and mobsters all the time, thinks comic book collectors are pretty shady! Read Starbuck Jones comics and Dick Tracy will think you’re a badass too!”.

  5. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Wait a minute, didn’t Holly just buy all $50,000 worth of these comics for the two shadiest jokers in town? Whoever’s been writing this shit all week isn’t playing with a full deck.

  6. Nathan Obral

    It’s easy to compare Funky Winkerbean in its current state to the last five years of Dick Locher’s lengthy tenure on Dick Tracy.

    But in Locher’s defense, he was starting to suffer from the onset of Parkinson’s and was forced to write the strip after lead scribe Max Killian died suddenly, and THAT was when DT started to go borderline insane. Oh, and Dick Locher lost his son (who was intended to be Dick’s heir apparent) suddenly and tragically in 1986.

    Batom® is simply ripping off King Features/North American Syndicate in a matter that is totally indefensible. Funky Winkerbean is not bad because of legitimate extenuating circumstances… it’s bad because of laziness, a writing skill set that is below fourth grade level, and a pitiful art style.

    Team Tracy embarrassed the Funky Felt Tip in a 100-0 rout this week. And I couldn’t be happier.

  7. DOlz

    Give Tracy credit, he’s correct that there were shady jokers at the auction. As a trained criminologist he probably picked out Crazy and Skunk Head right away. Now if only the next FW/DT crossover has them dying in a hail of gunfire something positive will have come out of this week of dreck.

  8. Nathan Obral

    **Mike Kilian, not “Max Killian.” Geez.

  9. SHUT UP, HOLLY. Just SHUT UP!!!

  10. Nathan Obral

    Batom® is starting to channel his inner Frank Bolle. The Immolate Holly Budd not only is suffering from acute hatchet face, but it starts to outright melt in the fifth and sixth panels.

    You… DO know how to draw someone of the opposite sex, right, Batom®?

  11. @Nathan Obral: Nope, I guess he doesn’t! Examples: Summer, Holly, Loathsome Linda, Jessica Annoying Darling, et cetera. In my opinion Lisa, Summer, and Becky are pretty when they’re drawn properly. But if you read the strip on any random day, you could almost *swear* that Summer is a boy. (Or Mopey Pete! The resemblance is uncanny!)
    Cayla USED to be pretty….but is now totally hideous. Tom didn’t win any awards or special recognition for the “interracial marriage” thing going on, so I’m guessing he just gave up on her.

  12. Nathan Obral

    And Staton and Curtis completely abandoned the crossover in DT, launching a new storyline instead with the current members of DT’s Rogues Gallery. I am not surprised in the least.

  13. SpacemanSpiff85

    It’s pretty telling if you look at Batiuk’s blog. All but two of the entries since last fall are really, really long discussions of old issues of The Flash. And of the two that aren’t, one is a preview for the upcoming FW book and the other is about a comic convention. It’s pretty obvious where his heart is. He really should consider taking a break, at the very least. Let someone else write the strip for a little. If the past couple years aren’t the perfect example of burnout, I don’t know what is.

  14. Jimmy

    Does the new banner mean we have Harry Dinkle coming our way again? Oh joy!

  15. Epicus Doomus

    I find it very difficult to wrap my brain around his weird comic book dichotomy. One one hand, they’re a priceless link to a simpler time, chock full of nostalgic magic, memories and whimsy. But on the other hand, acquiring them means you’ll be forced to deal with soulless profiteering scumbags and sadistic weirdos whose fondest dream is to rape and pillage your wholesome childlike innocent enthusiasm for a few quick bucks. These unholy black-hearted comic book scoundrels can be beaten but only by comic book fans who are pure of comic book heart, which is why John and Harry are terrified of the Geek and the Chiseler and Holly was not. John and Harry are in it for the money, while Holly is in it strictly for love. And fifty thousand dollars. It’s all a big stupid conundrum is what it is.

    What I think Holly means here is that you can’t judge a comic book scoundrel by their cover, which she’s proven many times. She shook down the scary The Geek by using her military connections. She broke the feared The Chiseler by threatening to destroy valuable Pete comic book artwork. Then she bilked the so-called “expert” Fat Tony out of rare issues he stupidly placed in the wrong bin then made a break for it as he keeled over with a coronary, thus finally completing the collection with a rare ashcan issue on the side. They were all feared within the local comic book community and she triumphed over them all with ease and may have actually killed one of them to boot. So her words actually ring true, I guess, except for the Comic-Con part which she is remembering totally wrong. It’s the consistency of the inconsistencies that makes it all so vexing.

  16. JerrytheMacGuy

    I can’t wait for the “Dick Tracy” / “Pearls Before Swine” crossover arc!

  17. Nathan Obral

    @SpacemanSpiff85: King Features/North American should have a policy enabling their talent to take sabbaticals if need be. Such a policy definitely exists with Universal Uclick dating back to when Garry Trudeau and Bill Watterson took lengthy leaves of absence, and United Features (now just a copyright holder) implemented a similar policy as well.

    Batom® really has no excuse here for not taking any time off.

  18. Yep, if there’s one thing a small comic shop in Ohio is going to be able to move easily into Westview’s struggling economy it’s a boatload of $600 comic books.

  19. Nathan Obral

    I never thought I’d see the day when I’m looking forward to another Goddam Dinkle storyline.

    Unless it’s Dinkle channeling Batom®’s obvious comic book fetish. Next thing you know, Claude Barlow will have been revealed to have written a few issues of Starbuck Jones…

  20. What irritates me is that his laziness is mostly why we never see anyone younger than forty on anything like a regular basis. Summer and her peers might as well have shed their human skins and hitched a ride on a comet for all Batiuk cares.

  21. Nathan Obral

    I’m only disappointed that Dick Tracy didn’t get a chance to read the Dick Tracy comic books that were in the collection.

  22. Given the various forms of assholery that crop up in every single fandom, I’d say that’s the least accurate philosophy ever.

  23. merrypookster

    Kent State women basketball (3-14) lost last night. Summer went 2-12 at the line and Super K was benched.

  24. sgtsaunders

    This Dick Winkerbean crossover has been a real snoozer, except for the revelation that Holly spent over $50,000 on several boxes of random comic books. Frankly, though, I can’t wait for the Plugger Winkerbean crossover. When Rhino Man, Dog Man and Chicken Woman hit Westview, man-o-man! Aside from several characters vomiting their Montoni’s at the mere sight of these creatures, we’ll see if Holly still believes that it’s not “what you’re like” that matters!

  25. “It’s all about what you like…not what you’re like.”

    And Hitler liked dogs.

  26. Hadda Mae Kapupe

    I googled that expression to see if BatSchmuck made it up or borrowed it. No hits. So those words of nitwisdom apparently came from his pointy little bald head.

    Wow. Just… wow. Are we supposed to understand what this means? Because all I can come up with is if you like comic books, it doesn’t matter if you’re a criminal, a drunkard, a wife beater, a drug addict, a serial killer, or a child predator. “We comic book lovers are just one big happy family, regardless of mental state or criminal record. And all I’ve ever needed to know about life, I learned at the San Diego, California comic dash con.”

    Tommy Boy, we already knew comic book collectors were the Bestest People On Earth. You didn’t need to craft an utterly ludicrous statement to tell us why.

    Meanwhile, great crossover, huh? Deeeick Tracy shows up, not to solve a crime, but to deliver… wait for it… COMIC BOOKS! Shaking my head. Garbage. F-. See me after class.

  27. Old Man Miggle

    Holly’s never looked more like her husband in drag than she does in that last panel.

  28. Hadda Mae Kapupe

    By the way, if this were a Foob Better or Worst vs Dick Tracy crossover, Dick Tracy would deliver Canaduh’s finest throw back your head, slam your eyes shut, stick your tongue all the way out laugh.

  29. Here, let me repair Holly’s aphorism. “It’s about what you like, not what you look like.”

    It’s. Called. Writing!

  30. bayou stu

    I would not have thought it possible for a character to be even more hatchet-faced than the (intentionally) hatchet-faced Dick Tracy. And yet that lovingly rendered drawing of Holly in Panel 2 proves me wrong. Bravo, BanTom®!

  31. @Hadda Mae Kapupe: After, of course, shooting the Delicate Genius and Blandthony full of holes.

  32. Look at that sad, sad expression on Holly’s face in panel three. Is she miserable because she has to sell the comic books, instead of John (which Tracy seems to be implying), or is she miserable just because she has to part with them? Personally, I think that’s the face of someone who has just realized they are a character in Funky Winkerbean.

  33. Hadda Mae Kapupe

    “Some of those jokers who were at the auction looked pretty shady.”

    Oh, yeah, big time. Nothing brings badasses, thugs, and organized crime out of the woodwork like the chance to score a fukkin’ COMIC BOOK. Jesus Christ…

  34. Apauled

    @ oddnoc: That’s what I thought it should be too. Not profound, but at least it would make sense. TB apparently can’t even write a bumper sticker, much less a comic strip.

  35. “It’s not how dumb you are, it’s how you are dumb.”

  36. bad wolf

    That sabbatical idea is great but in his case it’s not even necessary… the thing is, TB’s much-vaunted year ahead leadtime seems to be working against him, and without deadline pressures he has lost any sense of narrative drive that could make things seem more (any) interesting. Seriously, i can’t help but put some of the floundering-around quality at the leadtimes’s doorstep.

    He could literally take six months or more off, come back refreshed, and still be ahead of the game, if he wanted.

  37. @beckoningchasm: “It’s not how dumb you are, it’s how dumb you’re.

    Now, that’s called ritin’.

  38. Professor Fate

    Funky: “Honey I was looking at the bank accounts – what happened to the $50K that was supposed to pay for my dad’s long term care?”

  39. A HREF

    So has Comics Kingdom finally killed the comments?

  40. Nathan Obral

    You can still comment through ComicsKingdom.com proper.

    But it looks like you can’t comment if you read it through NJ.com (Cleveland.com killed off the comments a few months back) and that may have been a decision by the affiliated newspaper itself.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if they eventually kill off comments for Funky Winkerbean in a few months, if not but to protect Batom®’s precious little feelings.

  41. Apauled

    Comments are available at the Seattle pi site.