Plenty of room at the Hotel Cali-Moore-nia

In a move that surely has Emily Post rolling in her grave, today’s strip sees Mason invite himself to an extra few days of Les and Cayla’s hospitality. I hope at least one newspaper runs this strip right next to the Miss Manners column.

In other events, a regretful and jealous Funky is regretful and jealous while Les seems to be confused about who Funky’s ex is.

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28 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

28 responses to “Plenty of room at the Hotel Cali-Moore-nia

  1. SpacemanSpiff85

    I would’ve really been interested in how exactly Cindy poured it on. All she did was say “No, you’re charmING.” If that’s all it takes to bag a Hollywood star like Mason Jarr the movie actor, I might have to start socializing with more actresses.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    So according to Funky, Mason would be better off dead than to fall prey to Cindy’s man-shredding she-talons? I see. That Cindy sure is one lucky lady, with friends like these who needs enemas?

    I gotta say, I never saw this one coming, that’s for sure. Yeah, it’s straight out of the Big Book Of Corny Sitcom Tropes, but at least they’re not talking about comic books for once.

  3. The Dreamer

    Isn’t Cindy a bit old for Mason? If she is Funky’s ex-, she too must be in late fifties and Mason is in early 30’s right? Cindy must be a cougar.

  4. Nathan Obral

    Some days, reading this strip is an endurance.

    What’s Batom®’s purpose with this? To make me feel bad for Funky? To make me feel romantic with Cindy and Mason go all lovey-dovey on us? To make me want to drive down to Medina and nail 95 grievences on Batom®’s front door in protest?

    Yeah, it’s not Starbuck Jones-related junk, but that would be akin to being called the World’s Tallest Little Person.

  5. Nathan Obral

    That second panel … I almost punched out my iPad in anger at the sight of St. Les the Righteous Smirker seemingly egging the Funk Man on.

  6. Rusty

    Batiuk brought Cindy back to Ohio just to hook up with Mason Jarr, the movie actor. Hopefully she leaves for LA, never to be seen again.

  7. Epicus Doomus

    It is pretty funny how Cindy is STILL Westview’s go-to “hot chick” even though she’s at least fifty and doesn’t even live in town anymore. I don’t remember a lot about Funky and Cindy’s split, although I do remember it was pretty much a Billy Joel song come to life. Lots of angst, pondering, wryness and such. I missed large portions of late Act I & Act II, particularly the years immediately after the first time jump when things really began to get absurd, so I’m not fully up to speed on how that whole saga played out. Too bad there’s not a Funkypedia where this information could be warehoused, but you’d probably need at least one fanatical fan for that to happen.

  8. Nothing like the sight of people happy and enjoying each other’s company to get the residents of Westview into a bitter snit.

  9. @TheDiva: Exactly. How come every little thing in this strip is about flashbacks of “bad” times? And besides, how many folks these days would even *remember* that Funky and Cindy were together at one point–unless they Googled it and/or and read some archived strips on the Internet? Before Lisa’s final cancer battle/Act III, almost everything at that point was always about dismemberment or war or whatever. How could you possibly keep track of everything at once??

  10. Funky’s statement was not made in jealousy. It was made from pity. “Kill him now, Les, spare him from the cornfield.”

    “Spare him, Funky? Spare him? And who should take his place, then, dear Funky?” (SMIRK and dramatic swell of the music) “You know as well as I that the cornfield’s hunger can never be sated.” (SMIRK) “You do know as well as I, don’t you, Funky?” (SMIRK)

    “Yes…yes, Les. I know. God help me, I know.”

    (Pause and SMIRK) “Once again, I will forgive your blasphemy, knowing that the reward will be so much sweeter.”

  11. Hadda Mae Kapupe

    But… but… but… Butbutbutbutbut… What about the COMIC BOOKS??? Oh, dear GOD! If he doesn’t read every one of them, how can he prepare for this role???

    He will fail miserably. Even a bent nail won’t save him. The studio will fire him. This will leave only ONE person who could possibly save the epic Starsuck Jones movie!

    “Get me Les Moore on the phone! NOW!!!”

  12. Hadda Mae Kapupe

    …that is, unless he’s going back to Cyndi’s apartment to look at HER Starbuck Jones comic book collection.

    Naah. Who we kidding? He’s gonna bang her so hard, her airbags will go off.

  13. As I recall, the whole mess got touched off because Cindy did something evil, scary and wrong: she insisted on being treated like a human being when she was just a woman. Batiuk can’t cope with the idea of women being really equal because he has mother issues. Mothers, you see, say hateful things about how comics are trash and how he has to apply himself to something useful and not comic book related.

  14. Is it too much to ask that Les should slide under a gas truck and taste his own blood?

  15. Nathan Obral

    @oddnoc: “Is it too much to ask that Les should slide under a gas truck and taste his own blood?”

    Leaded or unleaded?

  16. Nathan Obral

    Considering the real-life turmoil that a certain real-life network TV news anchor has found himself in over the past few days, this may be the timeliest that Batom® has ever been with Funky Winkerbean.

  17. billytheskink

    @epicusdoomus: “I don’t remember a lot about Funky and Cindy’s split, although I do remember it was pretty much a Billy Joel song come to life.”

    First, nothing I write over the next two weeks is going to top this line.

    Second, my top-of-the-head recollection of Funky and Cindy’s split and divorce. I may have misremembered a few things, but this is my best shot:
    About a year before the divorce, they began to be depicted as frequently in conflict (and Funky as increasingly alcoholic), but there were two big turning points around 2002. The first was Funky showing up drunk out of his gourd to the birthday party Cindy was throwing for him at Montoni’s, having shared drinks with an old girlfriend earlier that day. The second was Cindy being offered the ABC news desk job in New York and Funky finding out she intended to take it before she had the chance to tell him. I recall a strip in that story where Cindy returned to their home to find Funky angrily waiting for her, sitting in an easy chair, with a bottle of alcohol in his hand, in the dark…
    The divorce proceedings were initially very nasty and Cindy was very close to taking Funky (who acted like a real punk throughout the whole process) to the cleaners when she suddenly took pity on Funky, agreeing to a more even split of property and letting Funky keep the house and his stake in his beloved Montoni’s (the biggest reason he did not want to go to New York with Cindy, seriously).
    So… pretty much a Billy Joel song.

  18. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Uh, having a 50-something washed up newswoman on your arms is not really a good way to up your Q rating in Hollywood. Then again it’s not like TMZ or Variety would even set foot in Westview.

  19. bad wolf

    Here Funky relives the waning months of his first marriage, spent trying to satisfy Cindy’s cuckold fetish.

    This storyline is another missed opportunity for Gen 2.0 to be featured–RealLife Mason would be more likely to hook up with Maddie, Rana, or Keisha (not so fast, Summer) if he was in town for a few and wanted to sample the local talent. Seriously, thirtysomething actor meets: college age redhead (kinda nutty) or fiftyish blonde (kinda washed up).

    @epicus: you might enjoy the few pages available on Google Books from My Name is Funky, and I’m an Alcoholic.

  20. sgtsaunders

    Looks like Smoove J finally found a way to get out of Taj Moore-hal.

  21. Epicus Doomus

    “A bottle of this, a bottle of that,
    Oh my God, Funky sure got fat.
    He’ll meet you anytime you want,
    At his awful rest-au-rant”.

    Thanks for the Act II Funky/Cindy recap billy! Act II was just utter madness, just take a look at a few of those arcs and you’ll see how insane it really was. Just recently I took a look at the “Wally Comes Marching Home Again” arc and it’s nothing short of mind-boggling. And they were ALL like that.

  22. Jimmy

    Dare I say I prefer the current day FW to what was in that Funky alcoholic book? Act III may be incoherent and silly, but it actually is a bit more lighthearted than that maudlin crap.

    However, Les is a more sympathetic character in those strips, so that eliminates half the reason I follow FW at all.

  23. So, the question is, does this Cindy-Mason hook-up represent a big alligator moment, never to be mentioned again after this week, or is this the start of some long term relationship between the two? When do you think we’ll see Rocky and/or Cory again, after they were featured so prominently yesterday and are totally absent today?

  24. Captain Cab

    “Just shoot him now.”

    My thoughts exactly. Will someone just put this miserable, prematurely aged, petty, bitter, fat wretch out of their misery? Because Funky was *surely* referring to himself when he said that right? Right?

  25. Epicus Doomus

    bobanero: Good question. I suppose he could do a bit where the “Hollywood” sleazebag Mason pulls the old “hump & dump” with Cindy, although I doubt BanTom would go that way, as he shies away from anything that might inadvertently offend anyone. Or he could have them become a couple, although that seems pretty involved for a FW story arc.

    So yeah, that leaves “dropping the story like it never happened and never mentioning it again” as the most likely outcome. In fact I’d be surprised if it doesn’t go that way.

  26. @billytheskink: The problem is, as we see here, Funky still thinks of himself as the victim despite being a philandering drunk who saw betrayal that didn’t exist and being too stupid to see where a sane person’s priorities should lie. He reminds me of the imbecile narrator of Billy Joel’s Allentown: a pompous, whining, self-absorbed asshole who shot-gunned booze and Ambien so as to lay down and die instead of being like the quitters and traitors who moved the Hell on when the mills closed up.

  27. Regarding whom to shoot, and when.

    Les: Funky season!

    Funky: Les season!

    Les: Funky season!

    Funky: Les season!

    Les: Funky season!

    Funky: Les season!

    Les: Funky season!

    Funky: Funky season!

    Les: Les season! Shoot me now!

  28. Charles

    his storyline is another missed opportunity for Gen 2.0 to be featured–RealLife Mason would be more likely to hook up with Maddie, Rana, or Keisha (not so fast, Summer) if he was in town for a few and wanted to sample the local talent.

    I have a feeling that Funky would freak out just as much over that, but Les would be right there with him, meaning that it’s not what Batiuk wants. It would be a great twist though.

    I see this as Mason being Les’s proxy here. He’s Les’s special friend, who’s famous and way too cool/good/smooth for this ‘burg, but Les’s earnestness was enough to win him over. He’s basically in Westview because Les is just that great of a guy – a guy who he, sexy world-famous actor, views as a peer.. And now he’s going to be banging Funky’s ex. It’s about as close as Batiuk can get to having Les bang Funky’s ex, as well as the hottest woman of their generation, as he can get without making Les a cheater.