Book of Excuses

Off book” is when an actor or actress no longer needs their script to rehearse a play or performance piece, having memorized the work.

Thankfully nobody involved with the Starbuck Jones movie has invoked any kill fee, and the project has made it to the rehearsal stage. This affords Mason the perfect excuse to blow off The Coming Reunion. Cindy, love Mason though the does, is perfectly fine with not having to compete to be the center of attention, as you just know she’s been at every other reunion.

Les’s brother Wes Moore makes a cameo appearance in today’s strip!

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16 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

16 responses to “Book of Excuses

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Wes Moore (shudder)…man my heart almost stopped when I saw that guy. I also see that Cindy is still a gigantic narcissist, which is at least in character for her, a rare example of Batom actually recognizing the history of the strip.

    For a guy who hates Hollywood so much he really loves the lingo, you know? Another weird Batiuk contradiction.

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    You can tell that Batiuk desperately wishes the internet never happened. “Off book”, “kill fee”, “vendo”, “Lewis and Clarking”, “solo car date”-without the internet, a newspaper reader might see those words and just think “Huh. People say that in Ohio? Weird.”.
    Now somebody can look these words up in less time than it takes to read the strip and realize how incompetent and/or careless Batiuk is.

  3. Once again we have a timeline that’s so twisted it would give M. C. Escher a headache. So it was like two weeks ago that Mopey Pete got flown out to Hollywood to re-write the crappy Starbuck Jones script, and already the script has been wrapped up and they’ve gotten to the point of doing off-book rehearsals? And what about Durwood? Wasn’t there one day where Pete was suggesting hiring him to draw story boards or some shit, never to be mentioned again?

  4. Epicus Doomus

    SpacemanSpiff85: Yeah and it opened FW up to criticism that didn’t exist prior to that, criticism he was pretty much immune to over the decades. The strip managed to exist for years in a kind of shadowy anonymous underworld where he was free to indulge his rather strange whims and nutty fantasies without anyone noticing. Now that people do notice, you can feel the bitterness just leaping from the page. Twitter tots, internuts, crappy start-ups, the horrors of Ebay and so on. He tries to cloak it in a shroud of nostalgia and “remember when?” but we know the real deal.

  5. John

    Cindy: “….wait, what -are- you rehearsing next week? Because neither Les nor Pete have written anything yet. Nor have they officially been hired, despite CME footing the bill for Pete to fly out just to shoot the breeze.”

    Mason: “Too busy! Busy, busy, busy! Man, there’s just not enough TIME!”

    Cindy: “…wait, is the film still in pre production? Is it actually LENSING now? Did nobody take time to actually peruse or approve the new script before re-starting the movie?!?”

    Mason: “Say, have you noticed I’m suddenly balding, saggy, and older than you?”

    Cindy: “Yes, yes I did. Your point being?”

    Mason: “That’s -also- why I’m not going back to Westview. That place smacks everyone with the Ugly Stick!”

  6. Nathan Obral

    Frank Bolle is an expert at drawing melting faces in “Apartment 3-G.” But Frank’s diminished skills can be justified in that he is also a nonagenarian… and the putrid writing doesn’t help.

    There is no justification for Tom Batiuk drawing ‘Wes Moore’ with a silly-putty face and a badly misshapen neck. That’s the sign of a guy committed to submitting nothing but unreadable trash until March of 2022 and hoping no one notices.

  7. SpacemanSpiff85

    @Nathan Obral:
    I have a feeling before too long every single character is going to blatantly be drawn as either Funky or Les. Les will be dancing with an identical copy of himself on New Year’s Eve. Les/Darin and Funky/Jessica will be pushing around Funky in a stroller.

  8. We see the same desperate need to not be called out on producing crap and pulling things out of one’s rectum in a lot of comic strip people. Lynn Johnston, Brooke McEldowney, the idiots who make Zits…..they’re all angry that this awful thing that exposes their ineptitude and apathy exists.

    Anyhow, tune in next week as Nitwit Narcissist Cindy loses her shit because Les put HER reunion in the stinky old GYM like SHE was some boring, ordinary person. It matters not that the imbecile forgot to book a hall for it, it’s Les’s fault for not magically finding some place where she doesn’t have to contemplate the EVIL LIE that she’s just some vain imbecile who thinks she matters more than she does.

  9. Saturnino

    Cindy: “….wait, what -are- you rehearsing next week? Because neither Les nor Pete have written anything yet. Nor have they officially been hired, despite CME footing the bill for Pete to fly out just to shoot the breeze.”

    Really means:

    Cindy: “….what’s her name?”

  10. Saturnino

    OR this classic line (from a real life story):

    Mason: “When I was in the Army in Iraq, I was in a SECRET unit and now we’ve heard that AQ is stalking us so next week we’re all getting together at a secret place”

    Cindy: “…what’s her name?!?”

  11. I admit I’m not very well-versed in the filmmaking process, but I’m pretty sure it’s not “like a play, only more so.”

  12. @SpacemanSpiff1985: That “Huh. So that’s what they call that where he lives” trap myself. It took me quite a while to realize that we’re dealing with a dialect of one. In any event, we’re at least going to be subjected to something Batiuk actually knows about soon. Granted, I don’t expect to see the reunion proper because we could be in for more of Mort Versus Dinkle or Funky versus Weightloss next week but he does have some idea of what’s involved with that deal.

  13. Jim

    The Other, Other Wes Moore!

  14. billytheskink

    Mason didn’t specifically say what he has to be off-book for by next week. It could be a Mentos commercial for all we know.

    “Mentos, the freshacre!
    Dang
    Mentos, the threshmaker!
    Dang
    Mentos, the fleshtaker!
    Ugh… Well, at least I’ve got an excuse to miss Cindy’s high school reunion.”

  15. bayoustu

    Boy, for someone so “old” that she lost her last 2 gigs and is now adrift and friendless in the world of water-toting, bike riding internuts- and considering how she’s endured naught but humiliation and degradation the last several years, she sure remains delusional AND arrogant! (Much like BanTom his ownself!) A winning combination!

  16. Charles

    How much would you bet that for all of Cindy’s desire to make a “Big Splash” at the Coming Reunion (when does it become “The Looming Reunion”?), when the actual even takes place there she’ll be in her standard plain, nondescript shirt (pink, most likely), with her usual limp hairstyle?

    At least she’ll be more glamorous than Holly, I guess.