Empunchable You

Link to today’s strip.

Greetings, BChasm back for another stretch driving the Funky Phantom.  In today’s episode, the most notable thing is another amazingly punchable face by Les in panel three.  It’s so punchable, in fact, that it looks as if Tom Batiuk beat us all to the punch (so to speak) and just kept punching.  I’ve never seen a visage as scrambled as that, outside of Beetle Bailey after Sarge scrunches him to the ground.

As to the “content,” why would Darin ask Les about his Hollywood experience?  I’m going to assume for the sake of argument that Darin actually wants to work on this movie, and to see it through to completion, thus possibly getting a good-paying job.    Les, you’ll recall, worked tirelessly to torpedo his movie and make certain that Hollywood would never call him again.  It’s hard to think of a greater example of non-success, or, to give it its proper name, failure.  Unless Darin is planning on doing the exact opposite of everything Les says, he’s doomed.

The feeling on my part is that the movie won’t be made anyway.  Given the absolute sacredness with which comic books are viewed in this strip, coupled with how Evil Hollywood always wants to alter the purity of the material it has been given, means that all the cast and crew will resign en masse in order to keep from sullying the wonder that is Starbuck Jones.  If it doesn’t come from Les, it’s not allowed to happen.

By the way, I think I’ve figured out what it is that I dislike most about the art in this strip as it appears throughout Act III.  It’s not the smirks, it’s the half-lidded eyes, the ones that seem to be carrying on their own conversation.  “You know, right?”  “Of course I know.  And you know, too.”  It’s that unspoken superiority to all things that is totally unearned.  It makes me want to punch Les all the more, although all the characters do it.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

16 responses to “Empunchable You

  1. SpacemanSpiff85

    I really hope tomorrow Les explains how a kill fee works.

  2. Didn’t he use this same joke at least once before, and it wasn’t funny the other times either.

  3. Quoting Hemingway (badly) doesn’t make you Hemingway, Les. Hell, killing yourself won’t make you Hemingway, although I’d sure love to see you try it.

  4. Spacemanspiff85

    I notice Les’s hair is blue now. As if the perpetual bands of gray weren’t enough.

  5. Epicus Doomus

    Asking Les for advice on how to succeed in “Hollywood” is like asking Boy Lisa how not to be bland and useless. Les was a complete dick while in Hollywood (everywhere else too). He complained incessantly, he was rude to his coworkers, he sulked and pouted a lot, he slept on the job then demanded to be paid after he abruptly quit before accomplishing anything. I mean why not just ask Funky for weight loss tips or Harry for career advice? At least that might be zany and ironically funny (in a weak way) as opposed to being enraging like this one is.

    Look at him there, proffering his sage wisdom like he’s King Of Showbiz or something, with that violence-inducing smirk plastered all over his obnoxious mug while Boy Lisa grins moronically (aka his default expression). I’ve never wanted to kill him more. And Les being Les, the only advice he has to offer his beloved dead wife’s spawn is a idiotic wisecrack about not even bothering to try, as you’ll just get eaten alive by those west coast parasites anyway. What. A. Dick.

  6. ComicTrek

    That must be how this strip is still being published.

  7. Charles

    Yes, there was an earlier strip where Les was talking to Dead Lisa on that park bench (I believe that sequence started the whole “park bench” criticism of Les) and said it to her as a punchline. Of course, at that point, negotiations for Lisa’s Story hadn’t even begun so Les was just being a pretentious whining douche, talking about something he hadn’t actually experienced as if he were some seasoned expert.

    “I absolutely have advice for you, Son of Lisa! When you first get there, make sure to be rude to everyone’s face, letting each one of them know that even though they’ve been professionals at this for years, they don’t know anything. Don’t worry about doing work, because no one will ever ask you to do any. Instead, spend all your time complaining to that blonde idiot wife of yours about how to spend that $5000 per diem they’re giving you. Only go to lunch with the most famous, best paid members of the production, that way you can leave before noon and just go home once lunch is finished. Make sure to humor them, because they’re all idiots who can only speak in platitudes that some dumb guy from Ohio thinks actors and directors use. Anyway, sleep while you’re on the job until you get tired of coming in each day. At that point, go to your boss and quit, but demand that your boss pay you the entire contract figure for the work you’re supposed to have done. Because they’ll respond like what some idiot in Ohio thinks they’ll respond, you’ll get all your money, which will undoubtedly be a huge amount because some idiot in Ohio thinks everyone who works in Hollywood makes millions of dollars. Make sure that when you walk out to gloat and act like a complete sour bitch, until you find out that the entire production has failed because the producers were the kind of stupid people who would hire an idiot like you instead of a professional. At that point, obnoxiously celebrate in front of all your coworkers who just lost their jobs.

    “I think that’s everything. Oh, and say some stupid shit about bent nails to the lead actress and she’ll be your friend for life, because world-famous actresses don’t have any friends.”

  8. And here is the other thing Batiuk does not understand about his strip and why so few people like it. It’s bad enough that Les is a whining coward who pissed himself when confronted with being responsible and a saboteur who destroyed the efforts of others out of pea-brained malice without his being a smirking jackass to people who actually want to accomplish things.

  9. ComicTrek

    @Paul Jones: Exactly. TB took that time skip and *totally derailed* his own characters’ personalities and what made them themselves. Any likability and quirky traits they’d possessed a year (or ten years???) previously died right along with Lisa. I never got that.

  10. @ComicTrek: I call it the Crankshaft effect. The idea seems to be that life is so randomly cruel that the only option is to become a jackass.

    Speaking of Cranky, we’re in for another week in which EVIL HOLLYWOOD is getting what one man called a scraping because They Refuse To Be True To The Source Material. Simply put, we have to watch Fist Magnet Les be a jerk because some poor fool asked Batiuk why it was necessary that Ed had no redeeming traits.

  11. Barf. Bring out the Killer Les Bees.

  12. @bobanero, @Charles: May 2011 was when Batiuk/Les first brought up the Hemingway quote:

    The actual quote is “You throw them your book, they throw you the money. Then you jump into your car and drive like hell back the way you came.” As they did last time, Batiuk/Les leave out the bit about the money; surprising when we think about all the money they threw at Les for a movie that never got made.

  13. Smirks 'R Us

    @TFH: Holy cow, that look on Less’ face in p3 with the hunched shoulders and hang-dog expression (no offense intended to dogs). Cue the sad trombone. Dick with ears indeed.

  14. billytheskink

    Is Les wearing a baseball mitt in panel 3, or did a wasp sting him on the hand?

  15. Professor Fate

    I like to think that Boy Lisa right after that piece of smug non advice is punch the living daylights out of Les. I’ve said this quote before but it still fits “its the romantic in me”