Punch Me to the Moon

Link to today’s strip

Yeah–that sounds exactly like the way publishing must work.  Let’s take a book that’s already completed and put it aside for a book that’s barely begun, and might take (agonized) years to finish.   In the meantime, the folks who put literally moments into illustrating the first book will wait patiently to be paid.  This is as close to real as it gets, folks!  After all, if top-of-the-bestseller-lists author Les Moore isn’t handled properly, and given all the time he wants to mediocretize, he might skip to another vanity press!   Heavens!

Notice how in just one day, the focus has switched from Darin’s Californian Adventure back to Lisa.   That Pulitzer nomination must be the bitterest flavor Tom Batiuk has ever tasted.  Notice, too, that Cayla shows up just now so she can be further humiliated and placed at the back of the bus so Lisa can ride up front.  I find it very difficult to feel sympathy for her, however, as this is a bus she chose when she fought to get Les as a prize.

I take it back.  The failure of the Pulitzer committee to notice that Tom Batiuk had married his most wondrous character ever to a black woman–that taste must be bitterest of all.

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32 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

32 responses to “Punch Me to the Moon

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Oh boy, Cayla looks thrilled to learn that her anniversary gift will be a mere “Lisa’s Story” epilogue. “And after Lisa died, I met two other chicks and settled on Cayla. The end”. In fact she’s so upset her entire face has disappeared! Not that he’d draw it right anyway, but nonetheless.

    A “Lisa’s Story” prequel? Sure Tom, whatever it takes to keep on re-living those glorious Lisa arcs of yore, right? Because if we forget about Lisa, we might also forget that you’re a big serious grown up comic strip writer now and not just some goofball looking for cheap laughs. “Take me seriously because I broke new ground in the past”…OK, message received, again.

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    What Les is saying makes zero sense. An epilogue is a section at the end of a book. A prologue is a section at the beginning. So “The Last Leaf” is going to be the epilogue? And “How I Met Lisa” is going to be the prologue? To what? Is he just being stupid and saying they’re both going to be the prologue and epilogue to “Lisa’s Story”, like a trilogy? “The Fellowship of the Ring” is not the prologue to “The Two Towers”, so that’s not how those words work. Also, the way he’s saying it makes it sound like they’re just going to combine the two books into one, which is beyond idiotic, since they wouldn’t charge twice the price.
    I expect Batiuk to get simple things wrong, but I kind of assumed he wouldn’t get books and publishing wrong.
    Also: HAHAHAHA, Cayla’s book (and anniversary gift) has to wait until Les is finished with ANOTHER Lisa book. That is priceless.

  3. Tom “Writing” Batiuk has to go to Kent State University’s vanity publishing imprint in order to print any of his comic book collections (that no one wants to buy, even in his own backyard).

    So yeah… like he would have any sort of idea how the world of book publishing works.

  4. That can’t possibly be the real strip created by a Pulitzer-nominated cartoonist, can it?

  5. Batty Winkerbean

    So chronologically speaking, the individual names of this “trilogy” would be:

    Les’s Story
    Lisa’s Story
    Cayla’s Story (AKA Les’s Story Part 2)

    Find me the audience for these books, because I have some bridges and swampland that I’m looking to sell quickly.

  6. I’m not sure if this is annoying because it’s yet more proof that Cayla is little more than an afterthought in Les’ life (not that the Anniversary of the Grand Romantic Gesture fooled anyone for a second), or because this is an obvious tie-in for Batiuk’s planned double release of Before the Last Leaf and How I, Les Moore, Graciously Allowed Not-Lisa Into My Life Even Though She’s, You Know, Not Lisa.

    But then, who says I have to choose?

  7. Epicus Doomus

    Batiuk is just so far removed from reality. “Honey, remember that graphic novel I wrote as a special gift to you? Well now it’s part of a trilogy devoted to my dead former wife!”…said no husband, ever. A Lisa trilogy…jeez, talk about not being able to get over yourself. You’d think the cancer book was the pinnacle of human achievement or something and not just a collection of previously-published comic strips assembled in book form.

  8. HAnzMFG

    How does one possibly draw Les like this without feeling the utter contempt to have the character punched in the face at some point?

  9. And besides all that, WTF?! This is why people are so disgusted with this strip. Smug Les awhile back decided to pay more attention to his wife by writing a graphic novel about his second romance, with a hinted story to seeing it printed in China, only now for the strip to take a backseat to ANOTHER story about Lisa? Good Lord Batiuk! There’s no way this is a serious strip where we’re supposed to like these characters. Silently, Cayla is sitting there, thinking to herself, “oh…you’re not going to publish that story about us after all? Huh. Guess I’ll wait a few months after the next anniversary you’ll forget to find out how the publishing of Lisa Wars: The Cancer Menace is turning out.”

  10. DOlz

    That’s it I’m out. I’ll see you all in couple of weeks cause I just can’t take this drek anymore without a break.

  11. Epicus Doomus

    When you think about it, a straight Lisa biography would be pretty wild. If you take everything that happened to her in the strip and just spell it out in chronological order, it’s quite the ride. Just getting blown to bits in a post office explosion would be fodder enough for plenty of people, but with Lisa it’s only one chapter. I think that at first it’d be met with incredulity, then after it checked out Lisa would replace that park ranger who was always getting struck by lightning as our “go-to” hard-luck caricature in American pop culture.

    I think Boy Lisa’s suggestion was the story of how Les & Lisa met, which I can assure you was a very stupid, hackneyed and boring little piece of twaddle (and little did we know at the time, the death of the strip). They kissed and their braces locked or something, I kid you not. Lisa was actually the drabbest character in the strip until Act II when she morphed into the model of wholesome-but-empowered vision of comic strip femininity, at first she had all the personality of a clod of dirt. But I’m sure he’ll retcon something.

  12. ComicTrek

    “After all, I WAS the first comic strip character who wrote a book about his dead wife who was the first major character in a comic strip to die of breast cancer. (*super smirk*)”

  13. What makes “Here’s how standing around like a shivering pillar of shit while all this insane crap happened to Lisa made me feel” and “Here’s me, being too stupid to get on with my life because I’m too dumb to understand sarcasm” all the worse is that we’ve just been reminded that if Les had the chance to prevent any of it, he’d bolt in panic because someone asked him to make a decision for once and thus put him on the spot.

    Simply put, he’s inventing new ways to make me despise him and wish that Cayla got him an anniversary present: a gunshot between the eyes.

  14. Charles

    I thought Lisa’s Story was about Lisa and Les’s relationship, from their high school days and their absurd string of tragedies, leading into her getting breast cancer, having Summer, and dying.

    But now apparently it’s:
    This is Lisa.
    Lisa has cancer.
    Lisa is dying.
    Lisa is dead.
    The End.

    Yeah, that’s a story that’s sure to change the fate of the planet. That’s surely something that people just can’t get enough of, so they need two supplementary materials.

    Christ, and Cayla is further marginalized as pretty much every single thing Les gave her for their anniversary has now been pushed off into a vague possibility. Except that sexy kimono, (Way to stick with the “Chinese” theme, Tom Batiuk, you worthless racist) which sure has hell isn’t going to see any use now that Les has vividly demonstrated that he doesn’t give the slightest shit about her. She’s been degraded enough. If she’s shown later trying to instigate sexy times with this useless elephant’s taint, someone needs to go to Batiuk studio and break all his pencils.

  15. 1966tvbatman

    Every character (Aside from Wally, Buddy, and Kili) in the strip is just… fucking…hideous. I think I give up too. Maybe I’ll check in around Christmas.

  16. Charles

    Yeah, Darrin’s face in panel two looks like some kid’s unfortunate papier-mache project that’s been left out in the rain and is starting to fall apart and decompose.

  17. A HREF

    Well I thought after Sunday’s strip, we were going to be treated to not-deaf deaf Dinkle and still has but one arm Becky and band camp shenanigans with Corey the 21 year old HS senior.

    But now we get another dead dead Lisa arc. Did Lisa die? Has the strip mentioned that?

  18. Rusty Shackleford

    @nathan. And KSU press probably only publishes his work because he gives lots of money to the university. Of course, his gifts are designed so that he gets publicity from them.

  19. Just wait until Boy Lisa’s wife, Jessica Darling – the daughter of My Father John Darling Who Was Murdered, collaborates with St. Les the Righteous Smirker for that long-awaited sequel to “Fallen Star: The Story of the Murder of My Father John Darling Who Was Murdered.”

  20. @Rusty: By extension (or by default) it’s the idiots at the Hearst Corporation (specifically Brendan Buford) who give Tom Batiuk the money to donate to KSU. Unless he’s paid for those embarrassing puff piece softball interviews with the Elyria Chronicle-Telegram and Channel 5 Eyeball News.

    One kinda wishes that Batiuk graduated from the University of Akron, instead… as that place is seriously imploding under leadership that is truly Batiukian.

  21. Professor Fate

    Gad now a book on how I got lucky with Dead St. Lisa. And they are going to delay publication of “how got over the death of Dead St. Lisa by falling in love with What’s her name.” because of that – are they planning to sell it as a two volume set? how in any universe does make sense?
    I also like to think that the fourth panel show Cayla stabbing Les in the head with a Barbque Fork. Again, it’s the romantic in me.

  22. Wait, which one is Lisa again?

  23. billytheskink

    What is frightening is that this is just the beginning…
    While Fallen Star was Ang Lee’s Hulk, Lisa’s Story turned out to be Iron Man. Now Les, Ann Apple, and the KSU press have gone full Marvel Cinematic Universe and planned out novels, graphic novels, and other properties for release over the next half decade.

    Spring 2016: The First Shoe – Lisa Origins graphic novel

    Summer 2016: The Last Leaf – How I found new life and love but still titled this book “The Last Leaf” graphic novel

    Summer 2017: The Art of the Kill Fee novel

    Spring 2018: Suicide Squad – The Susan Smith Saga graphic novel

    Winter 2018: Lisa Moore, Attorney For All – The Case Of The Crusade Against Komix Korner part of a new young adult novel series, with foreword by John Howard

    Summer 2019: Time Pool graphic novel

    Fall 2019: Risen Star – A favor for the wife of the guy who illustrates my graphic novels whose father, John Darling, was murdered and had said murder solved in a book I wrote called “Fallen Star” which can be purchased on Amazon pamphlet

    Spring 2020: The Children Left Behind – Memoirs of a Westview life novel

    Fall 2020: Lisa Moore, Attorney For All – Called to Testify… before Congress with foreword by Holly Winkerbean

    Spring 2021: Lisa Moore, Attorney For All – “Rush” to Judgment at the Westview Post Office with foreword by “Crazy” Harry Klinghorn

    Fall 2021: Is the Wally Winkerbean Story interesting enough for a whole book? – The answer may surprise you! blog post

    Summer 2022: Lisa Moore, Attorney For All – Roberta Blackburn is pissed off about something again with foreword by “Lefty” Becky Winkerbean Howard

    Winter 2022: Time Pool 2 – The Reunion Reckoning graphic novel

  24. Jim in Wisc.

    Batty Winkerbean wrote: Find me the audience for these books …

    The same people who spend way too much time forwarding glurge emails.

  25. @billytheskink nailed it, except the Wally Winkerbean story could fit in a tweet: “Locked up for 10 yrs. #war #fail” I think TB rescued him only to use the Buddy arc as Pulitzer bait.

  26. Gyre

    My bet is that the writer realized that there wasn’t any time left in the year to have Cayla and Les go to Hong Kong for the printing, so he quickly decided to give this as the reason why.

    Strikes me that he could have cut out the class reunion and time travel dream plot. Or that one about the little band machine at Montoni’s getting repaired.

  27. I would add to Billy’s excellent list I Screwed Up–The Funky Winkerbean Story. A critical reassessment by Les Moore.

  28. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Prequels? Sequels? I had no idea there people out there begging for more stories about a woman slowly dying?

    “Hey Les Man it’s been years, when are you gonna spring to us some more “Dead Lisa” stories on us? You can’t keep your fans hanging!! I got’s to know more!”

  29. @Batty Winkerbean:

    Find me the audience for these books, because I have some bridges and swampland that I’m looking to sell quickly.

    The same people who buy all of Harry Dinkle’s 1,965 memoirs, of course. And Mary Sue Whomever.

  30. bigd1992

    I fear boy Lisa will move to Hollywood and Jess, whose father John Darling was murdered, will end up a movie star because writing.

  31. Rusty Shackleford

    @nathan

    I graduated from UA, and it is a shame what has happened to that place.

  32. Charles

    A Lisa trilogy…jeez, talk about not being able to get over yourself.

    Actually, when you think about it, since “The Last Leaf” is considered to be the final part of this trilogy, it means that “Lisa’s Story” was not supposed to be about Lisa. It’s about Les and his experiences. It’s not “Lisa got cancer and died”, it’s “I watched as my wife got cancer and suffered as she died”.

    And it doesn’t surprise me at all. Lisa stopped being a person to Les and became a thing to exploit emotionally and financially a long time ago.