Another Pizza Your Heart Now Baby

 

Link To Today’s Thing

Looks like you could use a few folding tables or even a couple of old milk crates too there, Derwin. What a pair of brain-dead slobs. BanTom sometimes tries to pretend that Boy Lisa is just a “young guy ” who’s “just starting out” but remember, these people are in their late thirties at a minimum, which makes it all the more sad. The crooked lampshade is a nice touch too, it really gives the place that “totally hapless” look that explains so much regarding why Pete is still eternally single.

If they hate that awful Hollywood pizza so much, why are they buying so much of it? I’m assuming that the dry ice really locked-in that famed Montoni’s freshness and kept the grease from congealing too much during shipping, although how will they be able to tell? How many pizzas did she cram into that box? Did she just stack them on top of each other or what? I would think that after spending several years working there (and living directly above it) Darin would be sick to death of Montoni’s by now but I guess it’s in the blood now, like tainted heroin or some sort of incurable virus.

 

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20 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

20 responses to “Another Pizza Your Heart Now Baby

  1. SpacemanSpiff85

    I’m assuming that deliveryman works nights at Cable Movie Entertainment, and doesn’t even need to change uniforms for his roles.

  2. billytheskink

    Durwood has got bad, man. Not even Jess’ surprise visit nor the hairy curtains he “borrowed” from Les can assuage his homesickness.

    I do like the background of panel 2, where we see that Hollywood has neon trees, just like that band from the Buick commercial.

  3. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    The “UPX” driver puts down the box, clicks on a portable CD player, then goes into a wild, elaborate striptease dance, to the delight of Durgood and Mopey Pete.

    “And THAT’S your third surprise!” smirks Jessica Bighair, Whose Father, John Darling, Was Delightfully Murdered.

  4. Yum, cheap frozen pizza! Nothing says Thanksgiving quite like it!

    Still, it could be worse, it could be a band turkey jo-oh God, that’s the third surprise, isn’t it?

  5. SMHWTF

    Is that an official Montoni’s Pizza delivery box, or did Jess write that on her herself? Oh man, it’s pathetically sad either way, just the way we like it! And why didn’t she just bring that box of pizzas on the plane as a separate carry-on, instead of having it shipped via UPX? Or are we to assume that Jess also arrived via UPX? So much confusion! So much pathetic sadness! VIVA LA BATIUK!!

  6. Epicus Doomus

    SMHWTF: Good point. If she knew she’d be there when the pizza arrived, why would she scrawl “Montoni’s Pizza” on the box like that? And could Pete’s apparent all-pizza diet account for those terrible bags under his eyes? Might it account for Boy Lisa’s general dim-wittedness as well?

    If this job was such a step up for Darin, why a) is his family still back in Ohio and b) is he living in a craphole full of garbage? Les flew out to Hollywood to fix a script for a crummy made-for-TV movie and they put him up in a five-star resort hotel. Pete and Darin are working on a huge big-budget superhero film and they’re living in squalor. And they always have this Brady guy breathing down their necks and…ooops, wrong arc.

  7. Even assuming that the ingredients of Montoni’s Pizza are somehow unique (“It’s the pathos”), I doubt that the quality and freshness would be unscathed by the freezing process and an airplane flight across the country.

  8. Batiuk isn’t thinking about how the terrible pizza would be made more terrible by freezing it. He’s thinking about giving people in a strange place a taste of the familiar to make them feel good about the improbable squalor they’re living in.

  9. Saturnino

    “Even assuming that the ingredients of Montoni’s Pizza are somehow unique (“It’s the pathos”), I doubt that the quality and freshness would be unscathed by the freezing process and an airplane flight across the country.”

    This is the first beta test of the “delivery anywhere” function of Durwood’s pizza app……………………

  10. Rusty

    I will make the obligatory “Skylar is packed in dry ice too!” joke. Seriously though, what happened to the rug rat? This is the most emotion I’ve ever seen out of Jess, is she thrilled to get some Durrwood or just that she planned the greatest surprise ever?

  11. sgtsaunders

    I got to say, this action is pretty fast-paced for the Funkyverse where it can take a week for a basketball to enter the rim after being launched on Monday. I would have expected the same sort of time frame from the mention of Montoni’s Gut-Bomb(tm) pizza until that….gangster.. performed the delivery scene. Progress? You be the judge.

  12. I have finally achieved a higher form of consciousness, and within my relatively short time here, it is truly transcendent: I knew exactly what the strip would be based purely on the header (“pizza my heart,” bravo!) above.

  13. $$$WESTVIEWONCOLOGIST$$$

    “…delivered in person by Father Guido Sarducci.”

  14. Professor Fate

    Well one thing good comes from this strip – looking at all those pizza boxes made me decide to have a salad for lunch today.

  15. Saturnino

    “…delivered in person by Father Guido Sarducci.”

    and prepared by Cardinal Funghi

  16. Rusty Shackleford

    Why settle for California pizza baked in a real wood fired oven, thin crust, with fresh quality ingredients, when Montoni’s ships its bland, doughy, always frozen pre-made crust with Sysco foods brand sauce and toppings. Yum!

    And Funky still wonders why his pizza shop couldn’t make it in NYC.

    It’s a batty world….

  17. Tomorrow, Pete and Darrin discovery that Montoni’s pizza tastes even better to them when it’s been driven across country through rain, heat and swamp. “It’s so much more Westview!” They open up Montoni’s LA and it’s a big success with transplanted Ohioans and wannabe hipsters.

  18. “I met with an editor at DC Comics who ripped not only my work up and down but me as well for having had the temerity to show up at his office with it.”

    Tom Batiuk today in the official FW blog

  19. Wow, that’s just amazing, TF. Batiuk’s artwork at its best (Act I) was fine for the newspaper, but I can’t imagine it working in a superhero story.

    I admit I occasionally enjoy the little bits of his work, like the one pizza box that’s upside down, but on the whole he’s not even a Ross Andru.

  20. Hannibal's Lectern

    So the pizzas were first shipped from Ohio and only then packed in dry ice (probably when some serious fermentation got started)? Hey, that’s what Jess said. Expect some serious barfing in tomorrow’s strip!