And Boy, Are Her Arms Tired

 

Link To Today’s Alleged “Comic” Strip

And I had no idea that everyone was actually on the second floor of this building…go figure. So where are the bricks? Or is that some sort of earthquake risk Out West? It’s so strange to see such a blank wall in this strip, isn’t it?

Boy Lisa’s big black chin dimple and epically Winkerbeanian schnozz-ola and Jessica’s Fingerpoke Of Doom and reckless 80’s rocker hair aside, there isn’t a whole lot going on in this piece of crap. TheWriterGuy always tries for the whole cute bubbly adorable thing with Jessica but he always goes too far and makes her seem ditzy, annoying and idiotic instead. He needs to wry the character up by like 40% or so, she’s way too chipper and upbeat. Why, if it wasn’t for her father being murdered she’d barely have any pathos in her life at all.

And I’ve always assumed that she must have some sort of blandness fetish or something, as she likes Boy Lisa way, way too much to be believable. You know what they say, different strokes and all. If she indeed does go for bland guys then it all makes much more sense, as she really hit the jackpot with Darin, The Least Interesting Man In The World. Drying paint gets bored watching him. He’s so boring you could use him to dig tunnels. And dull, boy is he ever dull. Like kindergarten scissors dull. And that’s pretty dull.

Speaking of that nose…LOL. Look, I’m no artist and I don’t regularly mock the artwork but come on, that’s just absurd. Is it really that difficult to draw different noses? It this some sort of labor-saving trick or something?

Advertisements

18 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

18 responses to “And Boy, Are Her Arms Tired

  1. In panel two, you could Pete’s hair there, and the image would be….uh…I’m pretty sure I’m sorry I said anything….

  2. “I had no idea you were coming!”

    Oh man, Jessica. Looks like you married the dumbest man on the planet. My guess is you married him for his looks, which by Funky Winkerbean standards for men must be extremely good.

  3. billytheskink

    Yeah, TB struggles with noses at times, but he makes up for it by drawing far-and-away the best fuse boxes on the comics page.

  4. Rusty Shackleford

    More of nothing from Batty.

  5. Maybe Jessica Darling, Daughter of My Father John Darling Who Was Murdered will say something totally earth-shattering this week… like how she had a birth father, named John Darling, who was murdered.

  6. SpacemanSpiff85

    Jessica definitely goes for bland guys. She threw herself at him, over and over and over when they were in high school, before he finally got the message. Because yeah, most unpopular high school dorks totally are reluctant to have the hot, popular girl (boy, has she fallen far) in their class want to be with him. Batiuk sure seems to like writing nerds getting seduced by hot girls.

  7. Of course Boy Lisa the Fair Good somehow was able to afford the world’s worst nose job after getting a MBA and not getting a job. It was written into his contract once Funky hired him to make that breakfast pizza app that no one downloaded.

    Someone needs to go on Wikipedia, find the article on laziness, and insert Tom Batiuk’s picture as the cover photo.

  8. All that needs to happen is for DSH, Crazy Harry, Harry Dinkle, Living St. Les the Oh Lord of Language with his Dead St. Lisa the Cancer Chew Toy of the Misdiagnosed Mammogram Who Was Cremated tapes, Mason Jarr, the Movie Actor Bi the Way and Holly Budd teh Rampaging Comic Book Maniac to all congregate in the same room with these three nitwits, and the nWo is reunited!

    Every day in Funky Winkerbean is an oversold Fingerpoke of Doom.

  9. Bobby Joe

    Durwood really isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. How did that guy get a Master’s degree?

  10. Great. The bland leading the bland. Also, terrible Ahia pizza is to be treated like manna from heaven so they can have a bad taste of home.

  11. Merry Pookster

    “Jessica… where’s the baby?”…. “Oh, I left him with Crazy since he is so good with kids.” (getting rid of them)

  12. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$$

    Is this a “come/cum” joke? I think it is. I don’t know whether to give Batiuk credit or throw up. I guess those things aren’t mutually exclusive.,

  13. I had to read it 4 times to make sure I wasn’t missing some subtext or something. Soon my mind began to drift… To an alternate Funkyverse… Where… TB writes porn, so the boys are there doing the script for a porn company… “Starbuck Bones vs. the Nymphos of Uranus”… Jessica, with her 80s porn star hair, coyly invites both of the lads back to the hotel to “go over the lines”… Hmmm…. (sound of my hand slapping myself out out of my reverie) Sorry folks, must have drifted off for a sec. Has the new strip been posted yet?

  14. @Fred Blurt: By Rule 34, there should be Funky Winkerbean porn, but if there is any mercy in the universe, this must be the exception. Oh, please, let this be the exception!

  15. Spacemanspiff85

    @oddnoc:
    There already is. Ghost Lisa watching while Les and Cayla make out, and then the dreary house exterior while Les and Cayla slept together (and presumably Ghost Lisa watched). That’s as sexually charged as anything related to this strip could ever get.

  16. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$$

    Amazingly there is no Funky Winkerbean pornography………….and now with that statement it suddenly dawns on me that now there will be.

  17. Professor Fate

    Since they are in Hollywood I must note that this is the sort of cutting dialogue that would make Howard Hawks rise from his grave, go downtown, buy a gun and shoot himself.