Stop Or Boy Lisa Will Shoot

Link To Today’s Action

Hey gang, it’s Epicus again, ready to steer the good ship SoSF through the treacherous waters of Boring Bay. Whenever I see I’m doing a Boy Lisa arc I shudder. Not a Les Moore shudder (shudder), of course, more like an “oh no, not THIS dullard again” sort of thing. He’s truly the Least Interesting Man In The World. And Mopey Pete isn’t exactly a bag of fireworks either, mind you. But when you see Darin you immediately know you’re in for a seriously boring ride, as pretty much every other FW character is like Action Park compared to Lisa’s bio-son. I’m surprised to see him getting this much “screen time”, as usually his infrequent appearances fizzle out after three days or so.

Anyhow, Jessica is in town to (guffaw) break the monotony and give these two idiots a respite from their incessant complaining and all-around dreariness. Good luck with that, Jess. Good thing she didn’t pop in on them while they were expressing any sort of satisfaction or happiness about anything, as it would have no doubt confused and disoriented her (as well as all regular FW readers). I assume she left that kid of theirs back home with the former Mrs. John Darling or maybe with those loveless frauds Ann and Fred, not that it really matters, as that kid is clearly destined for the same scrap heap where Rachel’s son, Wally Jr. and Crazy Harry’s missing brood currently resides.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

22 responses to “Stop Or Boy Lisa Will Shoot

  1. Epicus Doomus

    TFH: Superb. He hasn’t done a band turkey arc in a while, has he? I remember one involving Owen somehow but that had to be three or four years ago.

  2. Jimmy

    Excuse me if this is already worn territory (I’ve been out of the loop), but is Darrin really the artist and Mopey Pete the writer? This makes not a lick of sense whatsoever.

    For some reason, the Simpsons Spinoff Showcase popped into my head when I saw Jessica. Now that was a funny episode.

  3. Jimmy, yes this is the case.

    What makes this even better is that Tom Batiuk has never given us any proof that Boy Lisa the Fair Good can even draw, beyond those inane “Sophomoric Sightings” panels in Act II… at best a cross between Billy from “Family Circus” and Margret Schlock (okay… it’s Schulock… although she did participate in the slow execution of Apartment 3-G).

    The best part is, Tom Batiuk is doing this shitty endless fake comic book wet dream allegedly billed as a “storyline” while deliberately ignoring the simple fact that the AFTRA-SAG exists, making Mopey Pete Ricardo and Boy Lisa’s participation totally unnecessary and unrealistic.

  4. Mopey Pete immediately shoots Jessica, and shuts the door on her bleeding corpse. “NOW we can work the entire holiday weekend like we planned!” he says with a rueful smirk.

  5. If the other Funky Winkerbean characters are like Action Park, then Boy Lisa the Fair Good is like Chippewa Lake Park.

  6. SpacemanSpiff85

    Darin is doing storyboards. I can’t imagine this is how storyboards are done. It looks like he’s going along with Pete on each version of the script as he’s writing it, despite the fact that it’s not the final version. And storyboarding is pretty technical. It’s more than just drawing comics of what happens, which is what I’m guessing Batiuk is thinking. You have to take into consideration camera angles, lighting, special effects, etc. I get the impression Batiuk thinks it’s just “draw whatever you want, here’s your paycheck”. I think that’s how it is for him, but not for most jobs.

  7. Rusty

    Durwood is pissed about being paid handsomely for working at what is supposed to be a labor of love. Would he rather be slinging salmonella at Montoni’s?

  8. billytheskink

    Whoa-ho-ho, it’s Jess! With the power to make light switches disappear! And, uh, hair from the 1980s and… other traits. Yes.

  9. Batiuk has a ready-made excuse for his not actually knowing how anything works. Said excuse is smiling indulgently and saying that this is writing as if doing so makes the person who actually has some idea of how things work looks like the idiot. It seems to snow the “Where’s YOUR comic strip” squadron. Also, Jess comes bringing a wondrous gift for these sad souls being subjected to the torment of having to understand what the public wants: horrible Ahia pizza.

  10. Chyron HR

    I’m so old I remember back when Pete got this apparently horrible job for Derpwood as a favor.

  11. Merry Pookster

    Mason Jar dumps Cindy after he meets Jessica.

  12. @Paul Jones:

    Batiuk has a ready-made excuse for his not actually knowing how anything works. Said excuse is smiling indulgently and saying that this is writing as if doing so makes the person who actually has some idea of how things work looks like the idiot.

    Tom Batiuk has totally run out of ideas to write about for this comic strip. That alone demolishes his “writing” excuse.

    If that wasn’t the case, Owen and Cody would be led by Harry Dinkle and One-Armed Becky this week, selling band turkeys. Or Bull would be acting like a developmentally delayed individual while the Scapegoats keep beating up teams like Optimism High. Or Living St. Les the Oh Lord of Language, John Vonnegutchnick or Loathsome Linda would be acting like buffoons more that the one-shot groaner last Sunday. Or anything that the younger generation would apparently be doing in college, although they apparently have been retconned entirely out of the strip.

    At least Lynn Johnston had the decency to retire long before FOOB could have ever turned 50 (which would have been in 2027).

  13. Both of these guys got their current jobs not because of talent, reputation or past work, but through friends–Cindy got Pete hired, and Pete got Darrin hired. And all they can do is complain about it.

    Pete, as I recall, was just FIRED before getting this gig, and Darrin was in a going-nowhere job at Montoni’s. Both ought to have a slight amount of gratitude, but no, it’s complain-complain-complain “Those rotten producers, who have been doing this for years, aren’t letting my newbie, inexperienced ideas rise to the top! Oh, it’s TOO MUCH WORK!”

    I’m guessing the only gratitude expected of these characters is when Les does something for them–like when he graciously allows Jess to read his book.

    It makes me hate these characters even more.

  14. Jimmy

    Excellent points about these guys griping despite their fortune. If misery were a commodity, Westview would be Eldorado.

    I actually visited Action Park when I attended a New Jersey university. That place really was as dangerous as it sounds.

  15. @Paul Jones: Well in the strictest sense (the act of putting pen to paper and forming words or typing a sentence), The Author is correct. He is writing. Of course that definintion also would mean that I’m writing when I make up a grocery list.

    Seriously, though, the sloppiness of his work coupled with the defensiveness he exhibits is troubling.


    The nerve of people actually wanting to make sure the project their invested in is good! I think this is Batiuk’s feelings towards his editors and critics.


    Judging by the banner, I’m guessing Montoni’s is going to be blown up ISIS.

    (Too soon?)

  18. Epicus Doomus

    EVERY FW character suffers through EVERY artistic/sporting endeavor. Writing is torture, marching band blows, making documentaries is futile, basketball is a chore, jogging sucks, collecting comic books is hell…you name it, a FW character is suffering through it. Everyone hates their job too…Les, Bull, Linda, Klabincnik, Funky, Pete…all of them. Nothing is “fun” or rewarding, ever.

  19. @Epicus Doomus: Of course everything is a grueling slog that subtracts from what it means to be human. That way, Batiuk can show that he’s a SERIOUS artist. Meanwhile, there’s Colbert saying that cynicism is just stupidity sent to college. In Batiuk’s case, stupidity went to Kent State.

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