A Jarr-ing Announcement

Cindy and Mason’s reason for visiting Westview during the time around the winter solstice that is celebrated by certain faiths and cultures but not by others and all of these people are okay so please don’t sue the school board* is perhaps more clear in today’s strip.

Yes, she’s now engaged to a big Hollywood picture star and has come back to Westview to rub it in the face of her schlubby ex-husband at the very pizzeria he refused to leave in order to remain with her. Or maybe she hasn’t come back to rub it in and is just appallingly tone-deaf to how this looks to every person on the planet with common manners.

The real story today, though, is the mug on Cindy’s finance…

– I propose that every joke ever written about someone asking a horse “why the long face?” be modified to replace the horse with Mason Jarr.

– Mason Jarr once voiced an animated banana in a Dole commercial. Test audiences thought it was live-action.

– If you order Ronco’s 25 piece cutlery set in the next 20 minutes, you receive Mason Jarr’s face for free (just pay processing and handling).

– If Mason Jarr is seen in profile at an airport, he is confiscated by the TSA.

– When Mason Jarr played football, he would borrow Tony Zendejas’ helmet in a vain effort to better protect his chin.

* Also, kudos to principal Nate Green for supplying me with the student handbook-approved terminology for this time of year.

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13 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

13 responses to “A Jarr-ing Announcement

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Batiuk and his “options”. And this will be the third or fourth FW wedding (depending on Cory & Rocky) in the last few years (Les & Cayla, Wally & Rachel). It really seems like more than that though, doesn’t it? So what venue will she choose, the gazebo, Montoni’s, or the gazebo AND Montoni’s? It’ll be awful, obviously, but he’ll never top that Les and Lisa wedding, that was downright gross. Go ahead and look it up but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

    The Mason character doesn’t make any sense. He was supposedly an up-and-coming pretty-boy type who caught his big break when he was cast as “Starbuck Jones”, now he’s dicking around in Ohio all the time. He’d better watch it, once that pizza gets in the bloodstream he’ll be done for right quick. He’ll be typecast as “slow-witted miserable balding fat guy #1” before you know it.

  2. billytheskink

    Interesting metaphor for a marriage proposal, Mason, seeing as “picking up an option” literally means paying an additional fee for further action to someone you already paid a smaller fee to.

    Is it reasonable to assume Cindy has a kill fee?

  3. Epicus Doomus

    That Cindy drawing is pretty bad too. Creepiest comma eyes I’ve ever seen. Nice nose too.

  4. Great, with the wedding preparations we’ll all be stuck in development hell. (See, I can do barely suitable metaphors too!)

  5. SpacemanSpiff85

    I’m pretty sure Mason is already considering sequels and spinoffs.

  6. In The Author’s mind, I’m sure a Starbuck Jones-themed wedding in the Comix Corner with a reception in Montoni’s and transportation for the wedding party in a time-traveled (or not – heck, space-time is funny that way) bus driven by Crankshaft is already taking shape. Why get married on the beach in Malibu when the charms of Westview, Ahia beckon.

  7. Great. They can combine this tasteless farce wedding with that of Corey and Rocky. Since Cindy is stoooooopid, she can either get her tit caught in a wringer about sharing the spotlight with a gay wedding or puff herself up about being progressive.

  8. Rusty Shackleford

    @billy. Was thinking the same thing. I hope Cindy doesn’t exercise her kill fee option.

  9. Rusty Shackleford

    In a parallel FW universe, Cindy strolls in to Montoni’s and she is barely recognized. The plastic surgery she got to stay young looking has turned her into a duck-lipped alien looking creature. Holly finally recognizes her and throws a pizza at her, saying “stay away from my husband”.

    Cindy then gets drunk and posts nude selfies on Instagram. She calls the experience “empowering”. BuddyBlog picks up the story and it goes viral. In the last scene a bedroom door is cracked open and we see Funky’s backside. He is looking at Instagram and making motions like he was shaking a pen. Holly is seen peering in with a smirk on her face.

  10. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$$

    Jesus! Check out Funky’s eyes in Panel 2. He looks like his about to be told live threatening news. Like he is about to be told that his chances of ever getting back with his slimmer and relatively hotter ex-wife are over. And the man giving this news is the person most likely to kill said ex-wife in a bipolar rage.

  11. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    So many questions!

    Panel 2 — Is Mason Jar The Hollywood Movie Actor copping a feel on Holly with his left hand? BEEP BEEP! AOOOGA!

    Is Mason Jar THMA marrying Cindy for her Social Security checks?

    Why does Batyalp think people speak in work-related puns and metaphors when they are away from their jobs? Picking up her option? Really? Harvey Dingle is the worst offender with his 24/7 lame music puns.

    Do either of these goofs have any actual family or friends in Cancerland, OH? Back for the holidays? Two weeks before Christmas? Who are they there to see, other than Mr and Mrs Pizza Slob?

    We know Cindy is SUPPOSED to be in her 50’s (Ha! Seriously!), but how old is MJTHMA supposed to be? I remember him looking like a kid early on, back when Leslie was mentoring him on how to succeed in his acting career by salting bent nails. Looks to be in his 40’s now.

    Does Batyattic know how creepy this whole Mason and Cindy thing really is?

  12. @Double Sided Scooby Snack: He’s spent at least the last twenty years not noticing how creepy any of the stuff he creates is. He didn’t realize it when he had the super-important antidrug arc on Crankshaft that had one guy smoke a joint and wind up getting lobotomized. Awareness of the unsettling subtext ain’t in his wheelhouse.

  13. The Dreamer

    So Cindy, who still has her looks, is now engaged to a younger, rich, movie star. So what is the first thing she does? Drags her hot rich fiancee back to Westview so they can announce their engagement in front her dumpy old ex-husband and their friends. Cindy is cruel, she is literally looking to embarrass and shame Funky. Making Funky feel like a loser. “Look who’s done better since our divorce old man, I have a young stud movie star and you have fat old Holly”