Schmaltz of the Foulers

I honestly don’t know how to read today’s strip. Really, no idea at all.

I suspect TB wants us to take Cindy’s overly maudlin metaphor and Funky’s seemingly-pleased reaction to it at face value, something that is rather difficult to do if you have a history of reading this strip. Funky and Holly are fairly amicable ex-es these days, but simply knowing that they are ex-es opens this up to interpretations such as Cindy rubbing her new beau in Funky’s face or Funky’s “So Mason’s the one?” being delivered with sneering sarcasm (“I was the one once too…” he mutters under his breath). Understanding that this takes place in the thoroughly unpleasant Batiukverse makes these alternate interpretations seem even more likely, as they fit the generally sour mood of this strip.

I’m actually more interested in the conversation going on at the other side of the room. Presumably, Mason is complimenting Holly on the Christmas decorations she bought at Dollar General 5 years ago, but maybe he’s just really excited about seeing a flat, printed cut-out of Santa Claus. Perhaps he is showing her the pose he does on the Starbuck Jones movie poster. Or maybe I just start inventing background stories when TB’s writing doesn’t hold my interest…



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

18 responses to “Schmaltz of the Foulers

  1. Rusty Shackleford

    Uggggghhh. Nobody talks to their ex like that. Another WTF Batty.

  2. bayoustu

    Sheesh- “Beaky” Winkerbean, more like!

  3. Epicus Doomus

    How many more f*cking times is she going to make another dumb annoying wisecrack about how old and washed-up she is now? I mean enough already.

    “Do you, Cindy, take this man as your lawfully wedded husband?”

    “Well, in light of how old and hagged-out I am now and due to the fact that I’m not getting any younger, I really have no other choice but to say, yes, I do (smirks),”

    When Funky is alone or interacting with people in the “real world”, he’s a miserable complaining wretch. Yet right now he seems to be pretty much the most popular guy in town and would probably be the most easily delighted person in town too if not for his positively ebullient wife Holly. It’s like he’s two entirely different characters.

  4. I’m just going to ignore the yawn-worthy dialogue today and point out that I love how Christmas decorations in this strip are inevitably an inky black. Ironic holiday trappings are hardly Funky’s style, so it must be that the dark, dreary garland, randomly festooned with lumpy ornaments, is the most cheerful thing he can think of.

  5. SpacemanSpiff85

    Man, I hope she doesn’t waste away and crumble into dust before the ceremony. It’ll be a close call.

  6. billytheskink

    Given how nauseating this week has been, I’d say that Cindy’s pursuit of happiness is WAY past its expiration date.

  7. Merry Pookster

    This is where stationwagon Susan returns to Westview and goes after Mason Jarr….. later he muses to Funky & Crazy & Less that he actually has 2 women attracted to him and everyone laughs

  8. I guess she has no living relatives to spring this news on (including her younger sister Sadie who, probably succumbed the last time the bubonic plague ravaged Westview). Why else would she visit her ex?

  9. I just love the image of Mason pointing at Santa’s crotch. I imagine him giggling, and every now and then saying “Ha ha ha. Pee-pee!”

  10. Rusty Shackleford


    You know those broken down old ornaments reek of cigarette smoke, pizza grease, and urine from Funky’s last drunken bender.

    Gotta love the Tucan nose though. Though sad not to see the scotch tape holding up the garland.

  11. Rusty Shackleford

    So, Mason. Wanna get busy? Sure Holly, but only if you put on a Santa suit.

  12. I am not sure how to read this. Are we meant to assume that yes, Cindy IS too old to be doing this or are we being told that she only thinks that she is because she’s vain and dim?

  13. Chuerlopp

    This whole stomach churning story line is so believable because most Hollywood working actors are looking for practically jobless 55 year old women to marry.


    Every Funky Winkerbean character’s happiness expired in 1992.

  15. Everywhere else in the country, they’re saying that 60 is the new 40. In Westview, 60 is the new 90.

  16. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Cindy’s constant bellyaching about being so old and over the hill is especially annoying with her being drawn to look about 20. Someone reading this strip for the first time, or someone unfamiliar with the back story of the characters, has got to be thoroughly confused.

    It’s not impossible to draw a woman who is over 50, yet still attractive. And it can be done without making her look 20. (On days when Batty is really trying hard, he’ll make Cindy look like a SLEEPY 20 year old, and say, “See? She looks old!”) Problem is Batyeech has only three settings for his female characters: Fat Old Blob, 14 Year Old Boy, and 20 Year Old Hotty.

    Meanwhile, in the background, Mason Jar The Hollywood Movie Actor points and asks, “Miss Howwy, dat Santa??”

  17. Ah, yes. 1992. The year when Batiuk’s reach exceeded his grasp. We should still be dealing with high school hijinks, not this lame attempt at relevance.

  18. Rusty Shackleford

    You it is not unreasonable to think that even Cindy would feel down about her looks. Batty could use this to discuss how shallow our youth obsessed culture is, but no, he wastes space on improbable dialog.