Dashing in Darin, Outrageously Blaring

SURPRISE!
Today’s strip features Mason’s evil twin, back from his supposed death at the La Brea Tar Pits.

Wait, sorry, that’s not right. HERE AS EXPECTED! It’s Durwood, who we should have expected because TB has taken a major interest in him this year. He’s been a major player in 6 story arcs in 2015 (based on mentions in SOSF’s excellent arc-by-arc summaries), more than Crazy, Lefty, Dinkle, Owen and Cody… as many as Summer and Cayla got combined, and they essentially shared two of theirs. Every single one of these appearances deals with essentially one thing, by the way, his ability to illustrate comics and storyboards. Yet, we have not once actually seen this ability in the entirety of Act III.

SURPRISE! Pop quiz!
When returning to your hometown for Christmas or some other holiday occasion, whom do you visit first?

A. The wife and child you left behind to move west for work, the former whom you haven’t seen in nearly a month and the latter whom you haven’t seen since August.

B. The parents who adopted you and raised you from infancy, one of whom is crippled and surely difficult for the other to take care of.

C. Your former high school teacher who was married to your biological mother and who allowed you to live in his house for quite a while when you and your wife returned to town. Your half-sister may or may not be there too.

D. Your former boss and landlord and his wife at their dingy pizza joint.

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21 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

21 responses to “Dashing in Darin, Outrageously Blaring

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Oh man, this Batom guy always proves me wrong. See, I didn’t think this arc could possible get any dumber and boy, was I off the mark. He gets me every single time.

    Not even one month ago Boy Lisa didn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out, now he’s hopping on flights to Cleveland to “surprise” his old pizzeria boss and his perpetually delighted wife for some inexplicable reason. No wonder this Starbuck Jones film never gets finished, everyone involved with it is dicking around at Montoni’s all the time. When did Holly and Funky become his family? Whatever happened to the Fairgoods? Why was it necessary to add his dumb boring ass to the mix?

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    Holly and Darin are having an affair, right? That’s the only way this makes anything close to sense.

  3. billytheskink

    Hey Holly, Sally Brown called, she wants her haircut back.

  4. SpacemanSpiff85

    I mean, seriously. “I see a couple in love and wish Darin was here.” And then she’s inches from making out with him.

  5. Epicus Doomus

    At first I honestly thought Batiuk was pretty much writing Boy Lisa and family out of the strip, sending them off Californy-way to work on them there movin’ pitchers and all. But now, suddenly, he’s getting all kinds of screen time. There’s no rhyme or reason to any of it.

    Also worth noting: an arc featuring two characters involved with the SJ movie will have less than nothing to do with said movie. And why didn’t Darin bring Pete home with him? Some pal he is.

  6. Rusty

    Pete can’t come back to Westview because of outstanding warrants for stalking teenagers.

    The return of Durrrwood truly is a mystery. And since Wally got his old job, he has disappeared from the Montoni’s scenes.

  7. “Didn’t some of us have kids at some point?”
    “I doubt it; why would we have anything to do with terrible young people?”

  8. Epicus Doomus

    I love the way he comes bursting through the door at that exact moment, flailing around like a spastic madman and bellowing in huge fonts. He looks almost deranged there. Then when Holly expresses surprise, Boy Lisa chops her down with a snide sarcastic wisecrack, like he’s so smart with his big city MBA and fancy new storyboarder job. Like step-bio dad, like son I suppose. It all so bizarre, like some sort of FW collage of weirdness and stupidity.

  9. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Seriously, I think Batnesia has mixed up Cory and Darshan. Wouldn’t it make a lot more sense for her actual son to burst through the door and surprise her?? Is this what Batty thinks he’s showing?

    This isn’t a completely crazy idea. Didn’t Mason Jar The Hollywood Movie Actor call Cindy “Holly” not long ago? Could it be that Batty is a candidate for an Eldercare Facility? He used to just seem lazy. Now he appears to be downright confused.

  10. Charles

    Hey, give Batiuk some credit. At least he realized that once he announced the engagement of two people in a relationship (again, the only thing he can think to do in this situation) and had Cindy lament how old and decrepit she is, he knew he didn’t have anything more to write about there. So he brought in this other dope, who’s no doubt going to whine about his own things now, so he didn’t have to repeat himself from earlier this week.

    I didn’t say it was any good. I’m just saying that we should give him some credit for that recognition. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.

  11. He might just think that he’s creating a sort of workplace sitcom. It doesn’t matter about plausibility, everyone’s supposed to go to Montoni’s.

  12. Chyron HR

    I guess LA proved too much for the man.

  13. I was going to remark that California apparently only sells one outfit for men but noticed that The Author troubled himself to make Darin The Clone’s Khakis about two shades darker side than those of Preserves Container The Movie Star.

    Like DSSS above, I’ve been wondering about The Author’s mental condition. Having Cindy and Darin treating Funky and Holly like family rivals the idiocy of the “Time Pool” reunion arc, the weird Dead Saint Lisa “Other Woman” arc, and last week’s truly pointless and unfunny pseudo-“War on ‘Rainbowmas'” arc.

  14. billytheskink

    Oh yeah, my uncle also called. Darin, he wants his Members Only jacket back.

  15. Hannibal's Lectern

    @Paul Jones: Somehow, “everyone’s supposed to go to Montoni’s” just doesn’t have the same ring as “Everybody Comes to Rick’s.” But then, Westview ain’t exactly Casablanca…

  16. I cannot get why Holly would want Darrin around. How the hell does Darrin make anything complete? Now, if she’d said “Cory” that would be understandable, since they’re actually related.

    I guess I’m just glad she didn’t say “really makes me wish Les was here.”

  17. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    What is this? The Lathe of Heaven? Why not just have Lisa come through the door too, while your at it.

  18. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Also, I’m completely confused about why Funky and Holleeeeee are wearing aprons. There are no customers in the restaurant. And the idiots gathering there aren’t ordering any food. I guess Batty wants to be SURE we all understand this is a greasy pizza joint, and these two fat slobs run it, and aren’t just loiterers like everybody else in the place.

    And as far as the quiz goes, when I understand why Darwad visited the pizza place (apparently) first, and alone, I think I’ll understand everything.

  19. Epicus Doomus

    Maybe on Sunday we’ll be treated to one of Batty’s hilarious Fred Fairgood strips, where he’s forlornly staring out his window, wondering what happened to his once-promising life. “Sigh. I wonder why Darin never visits anymore? And where is that mysterious daughter of mine??”

  20. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Sorry to have to correct you, Epicus, but at this point, Frd Frgddd even THINKS in hilarious mumbles. Therefore, his Thought Bubble should read, “Ssss. Wndrr w Drnn nvv vssstsss n’mrrr? N wwr th fffk zt mssstrrssss ddtrrr mnnn?”

  21. Jimmy

    I have to be honest, I usually drop into a Publix and get a sub when I arrive back in Tampa. They look a bit annoyed when I yell “Surprise!” upon entering.