They say this Crankshaft is a bad driver… (shut your mouth)


When meeting someone for the first time, it is common to expand further on a topic in which you discover that you share knowledge. Even so, a crotchety troll of a school bus driver (who neither of you has ever actually met, by the way) would seem to be a topic of conversation that that both parties would want to avoid. Indeed, I intend to teach my children to go out of their way to avoid discussing religion, politics, and Crankshaft in unfamiliar company.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

21 responses to “They say this Crankshaft is a bad driver… (shut your mouth)

  1. SpacemanSpiff85

    Wouldn’t Crankshaft also live near Amy and Amelia? Unless they came from the other side of town to visit Lillian? It just seems like they’d refer to him as “the jackass that made everyone on the street weep tears of joy when they heard he died”, or something like that.

  2. Rusty

    Nate is wearing his pants pulled up to his sternum, which is an excellent t old fart look. And it’s glass half full Batiuk, get out of the house sometime.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    Batiuk’s hapless attempts at establishing f*cking Crankshaft as an “iconic comic character” are not only dismal useless pointless failures, they’re obnoxious and stupefyingly boring too. Shit like this could cost him half his daily readership, which will leave him with one and a half loyal readers.

  4. billytheskink

    “Cup-is-half-full, huh? ” Nate muses.
    “We’ll break her. It might take a little time, but we’ll break her.”

  5. HeyItsDave

    BTW, I’m assuming that Yankshaft “lived next door” until he was packed off to Bedside Manor by his long-suffering relatives, so the Doublemint Twins have no way of knowing his fate. Bet we get to visit him in the nursing home this week, though. This being a CROSSOVER from CRANKSHAFT THE OTHER DAILY COMIC STRIP.

  6. I expect an article to appear in the coming days, more or less explaining how Batom comics can no longer afford to sustain two very boring comic strips on a thin readership consisting primarily of ironic snarkers, and the characters will be steadily immigrated and phased into Funky Winkerbean. Nobody will notice when Crankshaft is dropped from comics pages across the nation and replaced with “Six Chix”

  7. Visiting Lillian woildn’t automatically mean that they knew Crankshaft or that they would know the was the infamously inept bus driver responsible for the drastic in enrollment in the Centerville School Dustrict. Crankshaft has never appeared in those strips.

    But even more inexplicable is the fact that Crankshaft shouldn’t be so unknown to the inmates of Westview. Before he moved in with Pam and Jeff he sold his house to Les and Dead Saint Lisa. It’s the house where the members of her cult (which now includes Cayla) still live. He apparently has bowled against Les on at least one occasion and has driven the Westview band to at least one competition.

  8. Epicus Doomus

    HeyItsDave: Awesome, if only Batiuk had the balls. Why are they pretending that a deranged dangerous lunatic merits this casual breezy banter? “Oh yes, the man who nearly killed all those children, he’s a colorful character all right”, while Nate grins like an idiot. Talk about gutless. If you’re trying to pimp Crankshaft then by God, work that shit, man! Who’s going to check out CS after reading this bland monotonous drivel? “Oh boy, I think I’ll check out Mr. Batiuk’s other strip, as I’ve been dying to finally see a strip about and old unique bus driver who everyone seems to vaguely remember!” said no one, ever.

    “Yeah, that murderous son of a bitch nearly killed my children!”… “I heard he drinks a lot”…”I despise Ed Crankshaft, that bastard should be in prison”…that’s a strip I might check out. I’d quickly stop after seeing it, of course, but at least I’d look and this arc would have a point. But nope, as usual he removes any possibility of any entertainment or amusement at all while throwing around his other comic strip’s name, like that’s enough to pique his reader’s interest. And on top of that he tries to play it all offhandedly in that annoying “wink-wink” way of his. It all just makes me sick.

  9. The really sad thing is that the people he wants to court aren’t going to realize he’s doing it. We know about the stupid son of a bitch (Emily was raised not to curse) but most of the newspaper readers who actually see this aren’t going to get the hint that they should look at a strip they probably don’t get.

  10. Also, what Batiuk loses sight of is that he’s already done crossovers BEFORE Phase III came online. Back before the features editor of our local paper was told “Please drop annoying strip about surly, incompetent bus driver who’s a fire hazard”, he tossed something valuable onto the curb like an idiot only to not be able to find it. Reason: Young, skinny Funky had taken it to Montoni’s to add to the decor.

  11. A HREF

    So its two girls and a half full cup?

  12. Cup is half full? I’ve honestly never heard someone say it that way.

  13. Enjoy a week of Emily and Amelia pestering Crankshaft’s neighbor with a week of clueless questions from last August, when they were ten years younger and their hair didn’t match. Starts here:

  14. bad wolf

    It’s a great week to promote Crankshaft since the main character hasn’t appeared, and it looks like a romance between his grandson and a coworker (“young adults, contemporary issues”?). Reel ’em in with false advertising, TB.

    Incidentally for all us obsessives, Jeff in CS is some sort of production assistant at a local TV station, which is a job that IIRC is TB’s son IRL has.

  15. Another day, another half-glassed comic strip.

    So, we are finally getting some new young characters in the strip this week, and the ONLY thing we know about them so far is that they met Crankshaft once, and it’s looking like the rest of the week is going to consist entirely of obtuse swipes at Crankshaft’s character combined with extremely weak punchlines. Welcome to the Funkiverse.

  16. sgtsaunders

    I think the “cup-is-half-full” line refers to a less-then-ample bosom and is passive-aggressive shade thrown at a daughter who refuses to acknowledge that Crankshaft is a sociopath.

  17. It’s amazing that some folks’ talent for boring filler is so great, it requires TWO comic strips to get it all out!


    My god the writing is especially terrible on this strip. I mean seriously. Say the lines of the strip out loud. The dialogue sounds like it was inputed by a 1980s Cray Computer using Atari speech synthesis.

  19. Professor Fate

    gad – can’t somebody start talking about comic books?

  20. Charles

    So Batiuk has a woman bring her two daughters to a new school that they’ll be attending. The principal takes time off from his schedule to meet with them. Rather than talking about the school, its classes available, its facilities, its programs or its activities, or even what the girls or their mom might be interested in, he talks about some retired bus driver from another school district: a bus driver whose very name he couldn’t remember.

    “So, did you find out about AP math for Amelia? Will they be able to accommodate her special ability? How about the art program? Will Emily get to learn about digital art design? I know she’s really interested in that. Will the girls be able to play on the soccer team?”

    “I don’t know. We talked about nothing but Ed Crankshaft for four hours, which is really amazing when you think about it, since the principal couldn’t even remember his name.”

    Look, Batiuk, I know you crawled up your own ass years ago, but you need to come out sometime. It’s not healthy, as a writer or a human being.