Serial Momentum Killer

Link to today’s strip

At first I was excited, as it appeared that Pete was trying to vomit and Boy Lisa was attempting to kill him via asphyxiation. But alas, Pete was merely complaining again, as usual, this time about being cruelly forced to go see a movie. Will his woes never end? I also like how Boy Lisa has to ask permission to bring his wife along. Once a patsy, always a patsy I guess.

So they all flew out to Ohio from Hollywood to see an old Starbuck Jones movie at some nostalgic old theater in Centerville? Why didn’t they just ride a magical space pony to Starbuck Jones Land and live among the Klaxxons? It’d be exactly as plausible and just as many people would care. It probably wouldn’t require quite as much stilted awkward dialog either, or maybe just as much, I don’t know. But it couldn’t possibly be any dumber, as we’re at absolute stupid right now.

Not only isn’t the Starbuck Jones movie being made, now he’s introducing OTHER SJ movies into the canon. It doesn’t just defy belief anymore, it dropkicks belief from the edge of a very high cliff and laughs maniacally as it’s pulverized on the jagged rocks below. I can’t wait until we learn all about the campy 1960s TV version of SJ and the time SJ took on Andre The Giant on pay-per-view.




Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

24 responses to “Serial Momentum Killer

  1. With Pete’s constant complaining about how modern producers are ruining classic material, you think he’d be overjoyed to watch a movie made “back in the day.” He might learn how to write a script, since he apparently can’t. However, that would require consistency. And I haven’t seen any foolish hobgoblins lately.

  2. Oh, and Tom Batiuk? Stop trying to bring Shankcraft into this. No one likes Funky Winkerbean, but EVERYONE HATES Shankcraft.

  3. Also, as the script writer shouldn’t Pete either already know about this serial or, if he doesn’t, shouldn’t he be interested in how closely it followed the comics?

    Just another example of how unmotivated Pete is in his chosen profession.

  4. Epicus Doomus

    Somehow all those dedicated Starbuck Jones aficionados somehow missed the serialized SJ films of the 1950s. Which is weird, as TomBan NEVER forgets them. Bet you they have five cent cokes, pinball and penny candy at “The Valentine” too.

    I missed a lot of Act II Pete, was this always his thing? The endless complaining, I mean. It really is incessant now, it’s like Becky’s weary arm-less smirking or Lisa’s saintly grin or Cayla’s constant pandering or Dinkle’s malicious cackling or Funky’s huge ass or Darin’s blandness or Summer’s awful haircut and hoodie or Crazy’s nonsensical babbling or Bull’s total idiocy or Owen’s filthy hat or Les’ all-around detestability, his defining character trait. I know he’s always been mopey, but this is outright whining now.

  5. SpacemanSpiff85

    I’m cautiously optimistic (which I know I’ll regret, probably by this time tomorrow). This is finally an excuse to actually SHOW Starbuck Jones. It’s always amazed me how someone who writes about writing so much never actually shows the results of that writing.

  6. billytheskink

    So does the airport nearest to Westview have Chrysler LeBaron convertibles for rent, or does Mason keep a fleet of them in various locales around the country that he frequently visits?

    With a visit to The Valentine in FW coming so soon after it was the focus of a story arc in Crankshaft, one has to wonder if syndicate pressure and the shrinking comics page has TB preparing to merge the two strips.

    I missed a lot of Act II Pete, was this always his thing? The endless complaining, I mean.

    Pete was always a sad-sack, a human Eeyore whose attitude in Act II was, I guess, supposed to be justified by his suffering as an unpopular and academically average high school student.

  7. Epicus Doomus

    Billy: Crankybean? Funkyshaft? Or my suggestion…Worst Thing Ever?

  8. I can understand Mopey Pete’s desire to get a break from Starbuck Jones for once. Too bad that kind of rebellion is not allowed in Funkytown.

  9. SpacemanSpiff85

    So yesterday it really looked to me like there was still snow on the ground. At the very least, Les’s tree is completely barren still. And the ground is white and featureless, so I’m assuming it’s snow. Especially since Batiuk draws Ohio as a barren wasteland from October-May. So why are they speeding down the deserted highway with the top down? They’re all wearing coats, so obviously it’s cold. I get the feeling that Batiuk thinks being an actor means you’re legally obligated to cruise around in your convertible in sunglasses with a blonde by your side at all times.

  10. All this talk of a clunky sci-fi serial leads me to thinking of MST3K….particularly when they’re yelling “END! END!” at something boring like this. We got Mopey Pete whining about everything. We got Durwood. We got a Crankshaft crossover. Soon, we’ll have some other boring thing that appeals to only Batiuk. It’s like a Destroy All Interest thing.

  11. HeyItsDave

    I’m assuming that before Pete got stifled by By Lias, he was about to say, “Are you out of your fecking MIND??” If those SJ serials from the 50’s are as bed as the late 40’s Batman serials, the ride home in that cute little ragtop is going to feel twice as long as the way out there.

  12. Crankshaft just started telling the story of how Ed Crankshaft’s grandson is planning on buying the Valentine, which means that we’re being “tantalized” with yet another Funkyverse crossover. It was actually shaping up to be a cute story (and a blessed relief from one-note Ed), but since Crankshaft takes place ten years earlier (and yet somehow in the same present day as Funky), I’m starting to get nervous that we’re about to find out the ending before the story even starts. Great job, TomBat…

  13. Apologies, but… Still confused – Crankshaft takes place in 2006? Then what year does it become in a crossover, 2006 or 2016?

  14. Rusty

    My favorite Mopey Pete strip ever remains the one where he returns from NYC as a successful comics writer (basically the Pope of Westview) and tries hitting on high-school age Summer at Montoni’s. So cringe worthy.

  15. Rusty

    @Fred: As far as anyone can tell, Crankshaft is supposed to be 10 years prior to what we see in FW today, yet has all the smart phones and other technology in present time. So both are in present time, yet the events in Crankshaft and the characters are all 10 years younger. It’s called writing.

  16. bad wolf

    @Paul–speaking of MST3K, for a long time i’ve been thinking of Starbuck Jones as Rocky Jones, episodes of were combined into “Manhunt in Space” and “Crash of the Moons.” I guess we’ll finally see if it has that TV sci-fi look instead of comic-book sci-fi look–which, if this was a quarter-inch from reality, would be the version that the world would actually remember.

    @Rusty correctly describes why it would be almost impossible to re-merge the strips, and why having frequent cross-references comes off as just a cry for help. As they say, you don’t plan to fail but you fail to plan…

  17. Rusty Shackleford

    Well at least Batty captured the Cleveland weather scene accurately . A raging blizzard in one moment, and sunny top down weather 15min later.

  18. @Rusty – wasn’t one of the reasons Emily and Amelia transferred to Westview was because they hated their bus driver? The bus driver who’s in a nursing home hooked up to an oxygen tank, that is. There is no straightening out the two strips, which is why he should just stop doing Crankshaft.

    Gah, here’s a thought–what if he doesn’t intend to retire until Crankshaft gets to its 50th? Yikes.

  19. Spacemanspiff85

    I have a feeling that the only reason Batiuk dropped that storyline is that he pretty much draws Pete and Summer and exactly alike. Hitting on a high school sophomore he’ll do, but he has to draw the line at a guy flirting with his twin.

  20. That mock-up of the Crankshaft bobblehead looks positively demonic.

  21. Cancershaft?

    And wow that is one WALL of clunky text taking the top two-thirds of the panel. I mean we’re in Herb-and-Jamaal territory. There’s Exposition Ball and then there’s Exposition Cricket, which goes on for three days.

  22. Rusty Shackleford

    I went over and caught up on Crapshaft and the Valentine theater arc. More gold from Batty. I was surprised that they used Kickstarter to fund it. Thought for sure Batty would have something against that.


    Oh, for chrissakes…….. will you just merge the two strips already, Batiuk!!!! Just skip the time jump and just have Crankshaft appear as a regular character. You might as well since both strips are practically the friggin same at this point!!!!

  24. The Dreamer

    So when is Pete coming out as gay? Seriously the other characters are long married or have girlfriends, but in all the years Pete’s been appearing, he’s just a miserable workaholic comic strip writer. Never even looked at a girl. He’s gay. Mason and Cindy should set him up with a hot guy out in Hollywood- maybe Pete wouldn’t be so uptight and miserable if he got laid once in a while 🙂