Not By The Hair Of My Chinny Chin Chin…

Hi gang! The SoSF 6th Anniversary Week kicks off with a very special contest: five faithful readers will get a turn in the guest author chair to vie for utterly worthless prizes! Three spots remain! If you’d like to play along, the details may be found here. Meanwhile, please enjoy our first Guest Author!

Hi, folks! HeyItsDave here with my Guest Author post (special thanks to TFHackett for the opportunity!)

With the help of that awesome people-finding search engine eBay, the Tin Man, Dorothy, and the Cowardly Lion have finally arrived at the Wizard’s palace, only to be turned away at the gate.

Look at that dejected look on poor Mason’s face. So far, he’s pretty much been depicted as a kind of goofy-but-well-meaning regular sort of guy. I almost feel sorry for him as he realizes that maybe he’s not such a well-known beloved celebrity after all (the hero’s welcome he got in Westview, America’s Heartland must have really jaded him.)

C’mon, Mason! You’re an action star! KICK THAT DAMN DOOR IN AND MEET YOUR HERO!  Or, you know, embrace your butthurt…

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26 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

26 responses to “Not By The Hair Of My Chinny Chin Chin…

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Yeah, most ninety year old people LOVE it when you bang on their front door out of nowhere then introduce yourself using an obviously phony name. Would YOU open the door for some asshole calling himself Mason Jarr? I’d be lunging for the bear spray and calling the cops.

    Mason appears shaken that a ninety year old man wasn’t familiar with his body of work, which as far as I know consisted of an unfinished TV movie where he was playing Les f*cking Moore. They’ve just stalked and harassed this elderly man for no reason other than to indulge their idiotic comic book whims and they’re already being whiny and obnoxious, two seconds after finding the guy. What did they expect, to immediately be invited in for lemonade and reels of old home movies? Just go to Les’ house if you want that.

  2. Look, Mason, Cliff here might have had that name forced on him by the studio system. You either deliberately changed your name to “Mason Jarr” when you got your SAG card, or you didn’t have the sense to ditch your lousy birth name for something better. You shouldn’t throw stones here.

  3. billytheskink

    “I’m Mason Jarr… the movie actor!”

    I’ve run across Jehovah’s Witnesses and encylopedia salesmen with better opening lines than this.

  4. Charles

    Hey you guys, it wasn’t Harrison Ford. =(

    Fortunately, I managed to stay out of jail when I agreed to stay at least 200 feet from the guy selling all that Star Wars memorabilia.

  5. SpacemanSpiff85

    “It takes an actor to really know how to hurt a fellow actor.” Well of course, because if you’re hurting a “fellow actor”, you kind of have to be an actor, literally by definition.

  6. Rusty Shackleford

    Wow, just back from a one week vacation and it appears I didn’t miss a thing at all. It is like the strip stood still while I was gone. Amazing. I wonder how Batty does that?

  7. Great. A solid week of them trying to get this guy to talk to them about something he wants no part of. There’s an issue affecting young adults handled in a thoughtful manner.

  8. Ray

    If he wasn’t already dead, I’d swear they were trying to talk to C. Everett Koop behind that door.

  9. It’s amazing that The Author sees nothing unusual or creepy in having his characters appear unannounced at a complete stranger’s door.

  10. HeyItsDave

    You’re doing it wrong, Mason-Jarr-The-Move-Actor.

  11. billytheskink

    If only this week would end with Mason being an unsuccessful encyclopedia salesman, then we could leave this Starbuck Jones business and get back to the actually entertaining elements of this strip…

  12. Once again, HeyItsDaye has done for FUNKY hatedom a service above and beyond the call of duty.

  13. FW: Ummmm… Why is it a shock that the grumpy old man never heard of Mason Jarr the famous actor who stars in movies made in Hollywood and is making the big-budget “Starbuck Jones” movie because Mason lives in Hollywood, since he’s and actor, and because he makes movies?? I thought it was pretty well established by now that Mason Jarr is a C-lister at best, since he can freely go anywhere in public and not get recognized and mobbed by ANYONE, EVER… Fun Fact: The only time Mason Jarr the famous Hollywood actor who makes movies was recognized by name, it was Kayla, Keisha and Summer swooning when Les invited him to stay at his house (yeah, because one thing millionaire Hollywood actors do is crash in the spare bedroom of someone they barely know)…

  14. Jim in Wisc.

    As an aside, if you want to see just how disturbed Tom Batiuk’s mind can get? Check out the first panel of today’s Crankshaft.

  15. @Paul Jones:

    Actually, we’re in for one week of Mason just trying to get in the door, another week of the dude confessing that he is Cliff Anger, and two weeks of flashbacks to Cliff’s heyday of dealing with micromanaging producers, ignorant directors, and other studio flunkies… Then we get a week of Mason asking him to be in the movie, and of course nobody by then will give a shit because the studio will have bankrupted itself with the production delays and cost overruns for a movie which is now two years behind schedule…

  16. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    So instead of calling him on the phone or maybe sending him a letter, ALL FOUR OF THEM COME TO HIS DOOR??!! This poor guy probably thinks the loan sharks have come by to finally break his legs.

  17. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Then again I think they may have stumbled upon where George Lucas is hiding out these days.

  18. Ahh, I see Tom Batiuk has discovered “lampshading”.

  19. Mason’s lucky he didn’t say “I’m Mason Jarr–I almost played Les Moore!” He’d get his throat ripped out.

  20. HeyItsDave

    @Jim in Wisc.

  21. Epicus Doomus

    BanTom is so hopelessly out to lunch that he has no idea how deranged this all is, in his mind the fact that Anger is a crabby old coot is front and center. And isn’t anyone over at CME (& Buddyblog as well) the least bit concerned that the lead actor and head writer are on the other side of the country badgering elderly people for no reason?

    And I normally ignore the repugnant “Crankshaft” but I see that once again “Lena” is the butt (sorry) of his witless “jokes”. Ha ha ha, look at the senile clumsy old coot, right? What a nut.

  22. SoSF 6th Anniversary Guest Author for a Day Contest Update:

    Hope you’re enjoying today’s guest author post! Due to a great response (and on very short notice! thanks), the contest will run through Saturday; voting begins at midnight EDT Saturday and the winner announced around 10PM Monday.

    Here’s who will be bringing the snark for the rest of the week:

    Monday — HeyItsDave
    Tuesday — Paypah Clip
    Wednesday — Rembrandt36
    Thursday — SpacemanSpiff85
    Friday — HAnzMFG
    Saturday — (reserved)

    If you’re one of those listed above and have not yet accessed the SoSF dashboard, hit me up here or by email. The last slot has been reserved by someone who contacted me @SonofStuckFunky and who I hope gets back to me soon.

  23. Professor Fate

    Again it would seem the use of the telephone is beyond these three.

  24. Saturnino

    “Actually, we’re in for one week of Mason just trying to get in the door, another week of the dude confessing that he is Cliff Anger, and two weeks of flashbacks to Cliff’s heyday of dealing with micromanaging producers, ignorant directors, and other studio flunkies…”

    Bat hack thinks he is Adam Smith or some other 18th century writer.
    1) I tell you what I’m going to write about.
    2) I then review what I told you I am going to write about.
    3) I then write about what I told you I was going to write about and what I reviewed what i told you what I was going to write about.
    4) I then review what I just wrote about.
    5) I tell you what I just wrote about and reviewed with you..

  25. I guess it’s asking way too much of TB to hope that Room 313 is some kind of cult sci or comix Easter egg he’s planting for us, his loyal readership…

  26. Tomorrow:

    • Panel 1: Pete Rzucidlo says, “Mason… Mason Jarr, the famous movie actor!”
    • Panel 2: MJTFMA says, “Yes, Pete Raquet?”
    • Panel 3: Pete Rivinius says, “I have a cunning plan.”