Charming the Angry Cliff

Hey, everyone. SpacemanSpiff85 giving it a shot today. All week I was afraid I’d get a full panel of antique Starbuck Jones memorabilia drawn by whoever Batiuk last cornered at a con, so I’m glad I actually have something to write about today.

So…Mason just sat on the window sill like that? And not just while he was watching Cindy on the balcony, but even after she went inside Anger’s apartment and talked to him, which probably took a little while? He didn’t wonder if maybe he should be concerned for her well being? While he had Funky still on the phone? And Pete just stood there awkwardly in the hallway, probably daydreaming about how the old Batom writers used to break into people’s apartments through fire escapes, back in yesteryear? As dumb and typically Batiukian as all this is, it is kind of great seeing Mason’s sad little expression as his fiancée’s ex-husband basically says he still finds Cindy attractive. And who doesn’t Funky have the hots for? Not Holly, as far as I can tell, but his fitness instructor, ex-wife, and his son’s fiancée clearly do it for him.

And the multi-cellular organism bit is another dumb bit of what Batiuk thinks qualifies as wordplay. Single celled organisms don’t find her charming? Plants and mold and lichen do? I kind of wonder if Batiuk originally had something along the lines of “Who wouldn’t?” or “Him, too?” but thought that was too creepy and unfunny even for him. Or maybe he just thinks “multicelled organism” is impressive science talk, like “anti-matter brownie” or “time pool”.

And finally: is she a hag or a seductress charming her way into stranger’s apartments with her beauty, Batiuk? I’m sure in a week’s time she’ll be moaning over how she’s far too worn and decrepit to be the Vera Moon to Mason’s Starbuck.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

19 responses to “Charming the Angry Cliff

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Batiuk spends two days on Cindy using her charms to convince Anger to open the door, but she gets no dialog whatsoever, as he has two other characters talking about her on the phone while this is going on instead of actually showing it. Just amazing.

  2. Now, now, Epicus, if we showed Cindy’s perspective she’d actually have to talk, and writing dialogue for women that doesn’t involve complaining about being old and ugly and unhappy isn’t Batiuk’s strong suit.

  3. spacemanspiff85

    There’s the Bechdel Test, which judges works on whether female characters talk among themselves about something other than a male character. Batiuk avoids that completely by not even showing female characters talking.

  4. MJ

    So instead of the normal routine of people sitting around talking about something that happened, he actually has two people talking about something as it happens. Such variety!

  5. billytheskink

    “Cliff Anger has apparently succumbed to Cindy’s charms.”

    Or her chloroform…
    But those planaria really dig her.

  6. Yeah. Because keeping the crazy woman from leaping to her death is succumbing to her mysterious feminine wiles. God, what an idiot Batiuk is.

  7. paypahclip

    Spoiler: Tomorrow we find that Mr. Anger died of a terror-induced heart attack in the preceding three minutes (which has taken TB about a week to draw out) so Cindy Meltface, M. Jarr Action Star and Mopey P. steal the SJ memorabilia, talk about it endlessly for the next eight months and keep complaining that the screenplay isn’t getting finished.

  8. Jasper

    If they go in there and Cliff is sprawled out in his Barcalounger with his arms and legs akimbo, and his tattered old man robe at half mast, we’ll know what charms he succumbed to.

  9. Mr. Anger is conspicuously absent in these panels . . . I like to imagine the big reveal tomorrow shows him bound and gagged, with a big knot swelling on this head. Or instead of a gag, there’s a pen jammed between his teeth, with a contract on the table before him.

  10. Imagine if Cliff Anger had said “Sure! Come on in!” on Monday.

    Here’s hoping he doesn’t offer each of them a jar of pickles, and Cindy can’t open hers…I mean, that’s gotta be a month’s worth of material, at the very least. Maybe even two.


    Cliff Anger is naked inside isn’t he? That’s the only reasonable scenario here.

  12. Professor Fate

    I’ve heard the rule show don’t tell but this is more like ‘don’t show, have people talking about what’s happening’;

  13. Jimmy

    Really, the only reason to read at all is to see HeyItsDave’s parody strip.

  14. Unrelated to anything but just wanted to share this interesting find.

  15. How much filler does The Author think is necessary before he advances the thin plot?

  16. HeyItsDave

    @TFHackett – YOU FOUND IT. I’ve found several “Eliminator” strips from Act I, but that was the one I’ve been looking for…I remembered reading it back in the day and this retconned crap has always really bugged me.

    If T-Bats hired a GOOD writer, a story line based on Donald the Eliminator now being a transgirl named Donna could be interesting, deep, and – dare I say it? – even worthy of that Pulitzer he didn’t get.

    But it will never happen. Bats doesn’t understand how computers work. He doesn’t understand kids or how they think. He made a half-assed attempt at a storyline about the gay students going to prom. I really don’t think he has the chops to handle a well-told story about a transgirl.

  17. HAnzMFG

    Oy. I remember the “Eliminator” storyline with the “Samus is a girl” big reveal.

  18. billytheskink

    What a ridiculous retcon, TB.
    Defender was released in 1981. The Act I cast graduated in 1978. Get it together man.