Uranus Is Too

Tony, damnit if you’re going to tell a 5th grader’s joke at least do it right!

Today’s strip is pale and watered down and pretty darned unfunny. I fear we’re in for a week of space-inspired pizza puns and that just isn’t fun for anyone.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

21 responses to “Uranus Is Too

  1. Epicus Doomus

    The Batiuk Pie: half-baked, the other half stale, smothered in moldy old cheese. A glass of distilled water on the side for dippin’.

    The Crankshaft: few know what’s on it and no one ever orders it.

    I mean if he’s pretending that Tony’s “serious” here, duh. If he’s just goofing around with these suggestions, sure, it’s awful but not particularly aggressively so. But as usual with FW I’m not really sure either way and by the time I find out I probably won’t care anymore. Sigh. I sorta used to like Tony but alas, now he’s just another pair of TomBat clown shoes. Oh well.

    The Funky: a mushy, doughy center and the cheese begins to sweat if you move the slice around too much.

    The Becky: 3/4s of a pie for those nights when a whole pizza is just a little too much.

    The Les: a custom job specially topped with everything you don’t like and nothing you do, served personally by our smuggest waiter in the most pompous manner possible.

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    Tomorrow’s strip:
    Tony: And we’ve got the Pluto pizza! It’s a meatball sub!
    Funky: But that’s not a pizza…
    Tony: Exactly!

  3. Funky Winkerbean is a reality-based comic strip that depicts contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner.

    And now featuring fart jokes from retired restaurateurs! There’s gotta be a Pulitzer in fart jokes, right?

  4. It was almost cute yesterday but if tomorrow, we have a pizza topped with chocolate bars in honor of the Red Planet, I won’t be a bit surprised. Appalled, yes. Irritated, yes. Surprised, no.

  5. Saturnino

    ” Epicus Doomus
    April 20, 2016 at 12:59 am

    The Batiuk Pie: half-baked, the other half stale, smothered in moldy old cheese. A glass of distilled water on the side for dippin’.”

    Too good to be eaten in just one sitting, requires a five year commitment and table reservation.

  6. HeyItsDave

    So we’re in for a week of grade-school-level pizza/planet puns. Great. Well, let’s go back to being a quarter-inch from reality here:

    Luigi’s in Akron is T-Bats’ inspiration for Montoni’s. Panel 2 of my parody strip today is an actual photo of a Luigi’s pizza from a newspaper article about how Luigi’s is the best “sit down” pizza in Akron. Good god, it’s like no one in Ahia has ever seen a real pizza – it’s no wonder the Montoni’s in NYC flopped on it’s fat, poorly-drawn ass.

  7. Rusty Shackleford

    Does anyone who reads the newspapers even care about this crappy story? Heck, I doubt Clevelanders even care about this tripe.

  8. Rusty Shackleford


    Been to Luigis…yeah it’s not worth the wait. The good thing is that at Luigis, you will never run in to Les, but you may run in to Batty!

  9. Rusty

    That pizza looks like fried dough, or a skinny calzone. Pass.

  10. Meanwhile, Cory is engaged, Cody and Owen are about ready to graduate high school, and Summer and Keisha should be ready to graduate college, and Batiuk and wasting time with this garbage.

    Why Charles Schulz was a great cartoonist #637: PEANUTS never featured a fart joke.

  11. This is what being a great chef is about: not creating food that’s appetizing and appealing, but throwing together random ingredients for the sake of a lousy pun.

  12. billytheskink

    An appropriate strip for 4-20, as stoners are the only group I could conceivably see being interested in Tony’s themed pizzas.

  13. Okay, TB, I’ll bite and ask the really dumb question – Why doesn’t Funky simply buy Luigi out completely and be done with him? It worked for Ray Kroc.

  14. 1. I thought Montoni retired and Funkmeister owns the place now?
    2. I’m just shocked either of them knew Jupiter was a gas giant
    3. But these are space puns, and not directly related to Starbuck Jones? Montoni could have done this for *any* space-themed movie or TV show…
    4. Funky should institute a new rule — Montoni has to personally eat any random-ass bullshit pizza he proposes…

  15. Jimmy

    I love a good fart joke, but this can’t be defended. Anyway, couldn’t this be accomplished via Skype or something? I can’t imagine Super Mario took the bus all the way to Westview to discuss pizza toppings. That probably won’t qualify the trip as a tax writeoff.

    On a side note, it appears the link is still to yesterday’s strip. I had to manually change the 19 to a 20, and now I have to go lie down a bit after that strenuous activity.

  16. Jim in Wisc.

    @HeyItsDave: YUCK!! Talk about unappetizing. If someone served me that, I’d get up and walk out.

  17. And so begins the long-awaited “Funky/Rex Morgan” crossover!

    Rex’s expression in panel 3 makes me think he’s already familiar with Montoni’s “specialty.”

  18. I’m not averse to making food based on a pun…I have occasionally seasoned a hamburger with parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme, dubbing it a “Simon & Garburger.” Still, it shouldn’t have been too hard for a chef to come up with a combination of gassy foods that would actually go together and taste good as pizza toppings, rather than just randomly toss in these ingredients.

  19. 5. And I say this as someone who once ate a homemade cactus+zucchini pizza in grad school (which wasn’t half bad)…

  20. JohnP

    That pizza looks an awful lot like the personal pizzas sold at QuikTrip, a regional gas station chain around here. The QT pies are ok as far as gas station pizza goes (and they are only $5), but that’s pretty sad if that’s the best sit down pizza in Akron.

  21. Six more years of this garbage. Six more years.