The Fault in Cindy’s Stars

So where in the hell is Cindy? She’s never far away from Mason… Isn’t about time for Mason’s co-star to show up and we get a month of Cindy’s jealousy, self-loathing and depression about her looks despite being a 54-year-old in a 28-year-old’s body?


Good ol’ T-Bats. Such a clichéd and formulaic writer that SoSF readers can see what’s coming a mile away…

Link to today’s strip

She’s on the far side of fifty-five with the looks of a twenty-something. She had a successful career as a television news anchor, and is now becoming a familiar online personality through her work with start-up webcaster BuddyBlog. She’s engaged to an up-and-coming action film star. What more could Cindy want?

Peace of mind, that’s what. Somehow, she knows that every time a shred of happiness is glimpsed or grasped at in the Funkyverse she calls home, The Creator will snatch it cruelly away. The burden of this threat gnaws at her constantly but she is helpless against it, because The Creator has deemed that no satisfaction in life may be had without cost – even if that cost is as simple as constant anxiety.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

22 responses to “The Fault in Cindy’s Stars

  1. spacemanspiff85

    How is a news anchor qualified to create a documentary by herself? Wouldn’t that be better suited for the wife of the storyboard artist, who is literally a documentarian?

  2. Nevermind, of course, the gross violation of journalistic ethics resulting from the fact that her husband is appear in the movie about Starbuck Jones.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    “Cliff Anger starred in the “Starbuck Jones” films of the early 1950s. Then his career hit a slight sixty-plus year long lull, during which he became a weird recluse living in squalor in NYC. And that concludes our documentary.”

    Yep, that’ll eat up a cool sixty seconds. Perfect “Buddyblog” fodder too, or so I am assuming, as it’s never really been made clear what BB is or does.

  4. billytheskink

    Now I have nothing against creative people pursuing their interests, but an America where Cindy can forgoe all of the actual duties of her newsanchor job to pursue a pet project that is completely irrelevant to her audience is an America where The 1910 Fruitgum Company won a Grammy for “Yummy, Yummy, Yummy”.

    That’s an America I don’t want to live in.

  5. Which is totally a project that an internet news channel would send one of its personalities to do. Because this is the Funkyverse, where the universe revolves around comic books, misery, and improbable plot contrivances.

  6. Gerard Plourde

    I’m beginning to think that The Author of the Funky/Crankshaft universe is actually Tommy Westphall from St.Elsewhere.

  7. I don’t know what this is, but it sure as hell isn’t writing.

  8. Epicus Doomus

    It’s always funny how everyone in Westview happens to have a job where they call all the shots and do whatever they please. Les grants Mason permission to use WHS for his movie even though he’s just the English teacher there, Cindy tells BB she’s doing a documentary on NYC’s Cliff Anger in Ohio for some reason, Mason hires extras and writers at will and Pete and Boy Lisa come and go as they like too. No one answers to anyone. Someone has a very unrealistic view of the employer-employee relationship as it works in “real life”.

    Is this “documentary” how he drags Jessica into this? I would assume she’s in Ohio for SOME reason. Then again, with Batom you just don’t know. Documentary film making was Jessica’s dream until she gave it all up because her father John Darling used to call her Barbie when she was little. At least that’s what I got out of it.

  9. It’s sort of irritating to have to remember that Batiuk still fumes about some blond girl no-selling him sixty years ago. It’s almost as irritating as him giving Jeff’s mother Stage Four lung cancer after one puff on a Marlborough.

  10. It’s funny! Everyone is getting a role in Little Hollywood except for the one person who actually wants a slice of that pie, Jessica. Maybe they can shoot the movie on her VHS camera.

  11. Rusty Shackleford

    Didn’t someone here just ask why Cindy wasn’t working at BB, and today Batty has to explain that she is on special assignment.

    I bet he lurks here.

  12. @billytheskink: Another irony is that Whiny McBimbo was replace at her news anchor job by a younger entertainment reporter. Now she’s doing the same sort of crap that wouldn’t even rate two minutes on ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT.


    Three things about this strip

    1. Don’t Funky & Holly own their own fucking car??!! Why are they all crammed into the back seat like orcas in a Sea World tank? The only purpose is to frame this conversation.

    2. I actually misread “Serial Star” as “Serial Killer”. Which got me thinking that Cliff Anger would make a great name for a serial killer. Which got me thinking how much better a plot this would be if that was really what Cliff Anger was!!

    3. Is this potential jealousy really something you want to bring up….IN FRONT OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS EX & HIS CURRENT WIFE???!!! You know if I were Mason I would be eager to collect notes from Funky on all of Cindy’s psychotic quirks!

  14. Professor Fate

    Ha ha how charming insecurity is – or isn’t really.
    one silly quibble came to my mind here – why is the female co-star who we have not seen as yet, involved in the shooting? Is the Starbuck Jones film going to present Cleveland as a dumpy looking planet (Howard the Duck nod) where she’s living? One assumes per the norm of these things she is some sort of queen in outerspace not living on earth. this puzzles me.

  15. 1. Did Mason rent a Nissan Micra or something? They’re packed in there like a flight on Southwest Airlines! I knew he was a cheap bastard, but damn…
    2. So what is it? Is Cindy doing an extended feature story on Anger, or has she been commissioned to do a full-length documentary? By all accounts Anger has done nothing with his professional life after making a couple of movies that remained forgotten in time until the 90s when they were re-discovered by the MST3K crew; so I don’t know what could possibly be so interesting about him… In either case, doesn’t Cindy need like a film crew or something??
    3. Given that Cindy’s last big “story” (in between showing the viral cute cat videos of the week) was announcing to the world that Marianne Winters signed on to do the movie, whatever First Look Media I mean is paying her, it’s too much…
    4. Is Cindy going to be pulling this stunt every time Mason has an attractive co-star? Does Mason really think this is healthy, endearing, humorous behavior from his wife-to-be? I almost want Mason to run off with his co-star just to prove a point…

    BTW: Thanks for the shout out… Always nice to know at least somebody is reading these 😉

  16. @dougputhoff

    LOL at Cindy and “journalistic ethics”…

    You’ll remember that her first “interview” with Mason (i.e., the first time the met) was closer to a romantic date than an actual interview (we never see a notebook or tape recorder or camera) — Cindy even wore her best Fuck-Me Dress and did everything except straddle him in the middle of Montoni’s…

    You’ll also remember that Cindy despite all her reservations took the job at just for the sole purpose of moving out to L.A. and getting her hooks into Mason…

  17. 5. Aren’t we getting close to the time where Cindy has to singlehandedly organize her high school reunion down to the last detail?? I remember it being the biggest undertaking Les had ever done in his life last year…

  18. Jimmy

    I’m guessing the “documentary” includes doing lots and lots of meth. That would explain how Cindy suddenly lost her teeth in panel 2.

  19. @$$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$: “Is this potential jealousy really something you want to bring up….IN FRONT OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS EX & HIS CURRENT WIFE???!!!”

    Well… if you look closely at Funky’s expression in the rear-view mirror in the third panel, he looks pretty cool with the idea:

    He knows Cindy. He knows where Mason Jar-Jar’s going to be after a couple months of marriage to her: hanging his head, hung-over (if not strung out on drugs), confessing to Funky over the counter at Montoni’s what a terrible decision he made.

  20. Rusty

    So who gets to have a fling with Marriane Winters? You know she’s going to fall for one of these losers. Only Mopey Pete is single, God help us all.

  21. Charles

    1. Don’t Funky & Holly own their own fucking car??!! Why are they all crammed into the back seat like orcas in a Sea World tank? The only purpose is to frame this conversation.

    Not only that, but it appears that Mason has rented two cars for his stay in Ohio, since this isn’t the zippy little convertible he was shuttling the dopesy twins around in in sub-40 degree weather.

    I’m also wondering where the hell they’re going. Did Batiuk really need this awkward setup in order to prevent himself from including Les in this stupid conversation?