How Green Doth My Envy Burn For Thee

Link to today’s treacle.

What the hell, Cynthia? It’s already acknowledged that any multicellular lifeform on Earth would bump uglies with you in a heartbeat given half a chance. Why are you so threatened by this unseen nemesis Marianne Winters?

So it seems that this week’s arc is rapidly devolving into another display of Cindy’s insecurities. T-Bats sure does like torturing her. That popular blonde chick in high school must’ve not only shot him down but double-capped him for good measure and he’s been doodling his revenge ever since.

And hey, what are Mason and Dick Facey (heh heh, thanks Epicus) chatting about in the foreground? Let’s listen in…


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

25 responses to “How Green Doth My Envy Burn For Thee

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Talk about violently rage-inducing. No, not the pointless dialog about people we’ve never seen. I’m talking about Les daintily drinking from that steaming cup of what I assume is some sort of smug designer coffee. Other than an actual Les arc there’s nothing I hate more about this strip than when BanTom slips Les in there for no good reason. I feel like he’s personally taunting me, deliberately provoking my ire. What a dick. Just give me sixty seconds alone with Les in a room and a nail gun. I’ll handle the rest.

    Now I don’t want to come right out and say that the female FW characters are weak and very poorly written but man, the female characters in this strip sure are weak and very poorly written, you know? Given the way things work in the Funkyverse, perhaps Cindy can order Mason to demand an uglier co-star, one who isn’t such a clear and present sexual threat. Or maybe she could order Pete to re-write Winters as a lesbian so she’ll only appear in scenes with other women. Problem solved.

  2. Gerard Plourde

    And where are they sitting? It looks like Funky and Cindy are sitting on a couch but why are Cayla, Holly, Mason and Les all faced in the same direction?

  3. billytheskink

    So… uh, is this “raised game” the reason Cindy isn’t, um… isn’t wearing pants? Or did they burn away in the presence of the fire-starting Marianne Winters?

  4. Jimmy

    Is Marianne Winters so hot that the WHS science teacher is going to blame her for global warming? Certainly appears so by the banner.

  5. Fudger's Classic Roast

    Mason must be bipolar. He’s clearly having a one-sided conversation with a douche who is in no way paying attention to anything that he’s rambling on about. All that’s missing is for Les to extend his pinky finger in a way that will delicately signal Mason to please take his conversation over to that side of the room.

  6. Epicus Doomus

    HeyItsDave: Thanks! Dick Facey, the Dick With Ears, DickFace, the Bearded Dick, the Bearded Dick With Ears, Les F*CKING Moore…the most detestable character in the entire history of fiction. WHY is he in the strip today? He has NOTHING to do with SJ AT ALL! Smugly sipping his coffee like he’s too good for his present company and the room he’s in, being a snide obnoxious jerk without saying a word. Ugh.

  7. Les does manage to be pretty detestable today without saying a word, but I think we need to acknowledge Funky’s smug grin/leer in panel two. If I were Holly and I saw that, I’d make him a two-time divorcee.

  8. Epicus Doomus

    TheDiva: Great point. I hate this Act III Funky/Cindy dynamic too. It’s like he’s trying to do a Jerry and Elaine thing there but (in true Batom fashion) it’s more like “sorry and real lame” instead.

  9. Great. Super. More of her being a basket case doing the very stupid thing of giving the asshole who fell into a whisky bottle because he couldn’t handle her calling the shots ammunition against her just because some asshole who failed as an English teacher and as a comics creator because he wouldn’t take criticism got his ass shot down because he didn’t respect the hierarchy.

  10. Rusty Shackleford

    “wow this is a Cindy I’ve never seen before”. Pay attention you stupid rummy, it is the only side of Cindy we ever see.

    Popular, pretty girl has self doubts and gets jealous. Great work there Batty.

    Looks like Cindy is not wearing any pants in panel 1. Maybe Les was servicing her.

  11. professor fate

    In the foreground, Are they sitting on the floor?

  12. Rusty

    I wish Batiuk would spend more time on the plotting and less on forced perspectives.

  13. As long as we’re on the subject of the more interesting conversations going on in the foreground…

  14. 1. What could these clowns all have in common to necessitate a prolonged conversation? When have we ever seen Holly talking to Cayla about, you know, *anything*?

    2. Just to reiterate, for a Hollywood B-lister Mason the Jarr leads an incredibly dull, un-glamorous lifestyle…

    3. Of course we’re going to see a lot more Les and Mason talking… As far as Mason (and Batiuk) are concerned, Les Moore might as well be some kind of Hollywood insider or consultant — Didn’t you see Mason defer to Les’ “industry expertise” a few days back?

    4. So — Are we going to ever clue Cindy in on the obvious, which is that Marianne Winters has already acted in movies with better-looking male leads than Mason, almost certainly has a significant other of her own, and off-set romances are pretty rare for professional actors? Will Batiuk show us a hyper-jealous boyfriend/husband in Marianne’s life who stalks the set and yells “CUT!” any time she uses a little too much tongue in a love scene? Or do the gender dynamics only flow in one direction for the Funkyverse??

    5. I’m guessing Cindy’s obsessive jealousy is just to grease the skids for Mason to back out of the engagement somewhere down the road…

    6. For all this talk about the hotness of Marianne Winters, she’d better be “Cover of Playboy Brasil” hot at the minimum…

  15. 7. What in fuck’s name do you mean by “Raise your game?” Who the hell are you, LeBron James?

    And how exactly have you “raised your game” all this time, when you look exactly the same as you always have? Did you hit the gym? Get elective surgery? Get a makeover? A new wardrobe? Reinforce your love for Mason by doing the little things? Crack open this month’s Cosmo for some new ideas in the bedroom??

    No, evidently the only ‘game’ Cindy is stepping up is her “surveillance game”…


    This is the one of the most bizzare looking panel I’ve ever seen. It almost looks like Batiuk took separate single panels and sloppily dissolved them into one.

    Also, Mason Jar’s head is apparently an Easter Island statue.

  17. HeyItsDave

    @Epicus Doomus “Les daintily drinking from that steaming cup of what I assume is some sort of smug designer coffee.”

    Herbal tea. He’s daintily sipping his SleepyTime herbal tea because let’s be honest, he can’t expect Funky and Holly to bring him cookies and hot chocolate the way Cayla does. So Holly raids her herbal tea stash and serves it up in one of her mother’s old china cups to make Les feel Special.

    It’s very seldom that run into a fictional character who is so punchable.

  18. So, they were in Montoni’s, then they got into Mason’s car, and now they are…where, exactly?

  19. Jimmy

    I think at this point Les could cure cancer and we would still hate him.

  20. HeyItsDave

    Sometimes T-Bats gives us a strip that has endless possibilities when his dialog is blanked out.

  21. Rusty Shackleford


    You make it look easy! Good stuff as always!

  22. @hitorque: Well, since Batiuk never seems to have encountered a jealous boyfriend who resents people hitting on HIS GURL, no such Big Moose like entity has ever appeared nor shall one appear.

  23. Les couldn’t have his pinky sticking out because it would go up Mason’s nose.

    And seriously, where are they? If they’re at Funky’s house, why did Mason have to drive them there? Who drove Funky’s car, or did they just leave it at Montoni’s? Why is Les there at all? (I know the answer to that last one…because of course he is. Can’t have anything happen in Westview unless Les witnesses it.)

  24. Epicus Doomus

    His stupid stories never GO anywhere. They just run in endless circles, looping back upon themselves in infinite cycles of boredom. It’s already been FIRMLY established that Cindy is jealous of Mason’s co-star. So how about we actually SEE Mason interacting and working with the woman?

  25. I think Les has to be sitting on Mason’s lap. There’s no other way two characters could get that close.