Computer Dating

Link to today’s strip.

It seems the slavering monster I was hoping for yesterday has been revised into an old piece of computing equipment.  I’m guessing this is the old Act I computer which was obsessed with Star Trek, and um, had, uh, other characteristics I’m sure.  Those of you who guessed this, please collect your prize money at the gate.  Of course, I think that was everyone who looked at this week’s banner, so form an orderly line, folks.

Normally this would be a welcome thing, seeing this relic from the good old days of the strip…but I don’t know.  The last time something from then was brought back…well, I can’t remember what it was but I seem to recall that it was ret-conned into being something terrible.  Maybe it was Donna as the Eliminator, or Franky going from dumb jock to out-and-out rapist, or…something.   These strips are so anti-content that I honestly forget most of them seconds after reading.  (Or at least I give it the ol’ Westview try.)  Thus, whenever anything from the “funny” days appears, my reaction is not “Oh boy, we’re going to lighten things up!” but “Oh, God, we’re taking this out of the closet so we can smash it.”

At any rate, the fact that the computer “sighs” can’t be a good sign.  Perhaps it has some horrible, debilitating virus, and it wants to be smashed into flinders.  Which makes me wonder why Tom Batiuk has never done an “assisted suicide” arc, the story of someone who finds existence so painful that they can’t continue.  Certainly there must be a lot of folks in Westview who feel that way and can’t see pain as an opportunity for a pun.  Seriously, if he carried it through it might get him that Pulitzer.  I’d nominate either Cayla or Funky himself.

Finally, once again, Les hovers over the proceedings like an evil angel of death (even though he’s the shortest one there, a virtual midget).  He contributes nothing except making the reader hate this comic even more.  Look at him in panel one: “The hate is swelling in you now. Take your weapon. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant.”

Wouldn’t it be great if Kibblesnbits accidentally tipped the computer onto Les, and it smashed his ribcage into a thousand fragments?  And he made a noise like “Guuuhhh” and everyone thought that was so funny, and they couldn’t stop laughing?  And they picked up the computer, and dropped it again, just so they could hear that noise and enjoy themselves?

I mean, it’s long past time Les did something funny, isn’t it?  That would work for me.

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18 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

18 responses to “Computer Dating

  1. spacemanspiff85

    Ten times the processing power? These people must have the crappiest smartphones ever made.

  2. 1966tvbatman

    Next up the spray painted rock in front of the High school will get demolished, so there is no humor whatsoever in Westview.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    It’s not really a bad gag at all by FW standards. Stupid yes, but he’s done way, way worse than this. But look how much better my amended version is.

    See how easy it is? You remove that one monstrously horrible detail from the strip and absolutely nothing is lost and oh so very much is gained.

    spacemanspliff85: “Ten times”…huh? Wow! And here I though my trusty Atari 5200 was cutting edge!

  4. HeyItsDave

    T-Bats really should take a look at his own old work before bringing old “characters” back. That computer looks only vaguely like the old sentient machine that was such a Star Trek fan.

  5. I never expected the rise of the machines to happen in Westview, and yet I can’t imagine it happening anyplace else.

  6. HeyItsDave

    I kind of like that rendition of Les in the first panel. Look at that lopsided head…looks like he’s been smacked in the head with a shovel. Makes me smile.

  7. spacemanspiff85

    I also think it’s pretty hilarious that Westview lets a random science teacher keep a computer that’s decades out of date in the teacher’s lounge just for the heck of it.

  8. Epicus Doomus

    spacemanspiff85: It’s a nostalgic reminder of a time long gone by, like Starbuck Jones itself. That’s life in Westview: one part nostalgia, three parts incessant complaining.

  9. billytheskink

    Given all of the school levy failures we’ve seen over the years, I’m surprised this thing isn’t still in use.

  10. Gerard Plourde

    “Ten times the processing power? These people must have the crappiest smartphones ever made.”

    Another example of things The Author doesn’t know about and didn’t bother to research. If that’s supposed to be the Act I computer, when it was operational a gigabyte of storage would have taken up an entire room.

  11. On this side, we have Batiuk suck at understanding a smarter Moore’s Law so he can turn a character into a prop. On the other side, Jeff is sulking because the obit column is forbidden from using “HELL HATH RECLAIMED ITS OWN” when describing someone’s passing.

  12. Rusty Shackleford

    I keep an old FW strip posted on my wall to remind me of how Little FW has progressed .

  13. “Wouldn’t it be great if Kibblesnbits accidentally tipped the computer onto Les”

    I’m picturing something like the scene from “Breaking Bad” with the junkies and the ATM. My day has brightened.

  14. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Wow! So Jim kept a vintage era computer worth thousands of dollars to collectors just sitting in the teachers lounge.

    I now know why the school has troubles with the levy.

  15. Despite the fact that the entire premise of today’s strip is forced and outlandish, it was actually amusing, and had a bit of the old FW whimsical charm.
    Without a doubt, the Epicus version was far superior.

  16. I’m sorry, but WHY are those two assholes wasting time in the teacher’s lounge talking about bullshit when they should be out shooting their movie? Aren’t the locations costing them a fortune? And isn’t the crew on the clock?

    Also, are we *EVER* going to finally meet Marianne Winters? She’s somewhere in Cleveland or Westview right now, isn’t she?

  17. Saturnino

    “Also, are we *EVER* going to finally meet Marianne Winters? She’s somewhere in Cleveland or Westview right now, isn’t she?”

    Cindy has her spreadeagled and tied to a rotating round tabletop and is throwing knives at her as we type…………….

  18. The Dreamer

    Its the Hal9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey! It turns out Stanley Kubrick had Hal played by the old data processing computer at Westview 🙂