“The Paper”…that’s real cute, BanTom. I had to double check and make sure this is actually a FW strip and, sadly, it is indeed. Although I am aware of Pam and Jeff, I know almost nothing about the Crankyverse and honestly I’d prefer to keep it that way. I checked it out a few weeks ago and saw a funeral and a woman stabbing a comic book and that was enough for me. Where is this going? What is the point? Beats the hell out of me. I’ll be moderately surprised if it doesn’t have something to do with a certain fictional comic book title. Then again I’ll be moderately surprised if it has anything to do with anything.
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Son of Stuck Funky · The web's premiere source for Funky Winkerbean snark
Son of Stuck Funky 
Great. Pam and Jfff, visiting the old fossil in the nursing home. Maybe, since T-Bats killed off Rose in the Crankyverse last week, he’s gonna kill off Crankshaft in the Funkyverse this week. Then Pam can have her own existential crisis, and she and Jfff can have awesome senior sex while calling each other “mommie” and “daddy.”
Or, it could be just another thin arc stretched even thinner with lots of filler and single-panel dialog crammed into three panels.
Last week I thought nothing could top “what’s that in the corner?” as a lame “cliffhanger” to stretch out a strip, and here comes “huh?” to take the crown.
Help me out…did Pam and/or Jeff look this old when we last saw them in Funky Winkerbean (during the whole “Lisa’s Rape Diary” episode, IIRC)? I want to say no, and yet everybody in the Funkyverse looks so devoid of life and happiness that their physical age is almost immaterial.
Maybe the twin formerly from Centerville who was dating Wedgeman and wore his oversized ring suspended from a chain around her neck was killed during the Westview graduation/”alien attack”.
On behalf of everyone, I ask, “What the hell is this crap?”
You just know that Batiuk sat back and ran the bases in his mind after that “cranky” line.
“Oh, not much Pam. It’s an article about how a movie studio was about to lose the rights to a potentially lucrative intellectual property, so they slapped together a bare bones, shoestring, production to make a film they never intended to release, simply to retain those rights, so they could sell to another studio later. And all the while the actors, and writers, and even director, thought they were going to be famous. They called it Fantastic Four, Rise of Starbuck Jones.”
Great. He’s letting this whiny, self-absorbed asshole bore people in two strips. While it was probably no fun growing up with someone with mood swings, his letting that define his life got real old real fast. Having him inject himself into the Starbuck Jones thing so he can continue to whine about his awful mother is simply beyond the pale. It’s bad enough that he’s boring the crap out of his shrink without this blatant attempt to shill another collection of boring and unsympathetic gits who should also be drowned in a bucket.
So BanTom would have us believe that Funky goes to Bedside Manor not to visit his dad but rather to read the paper The Paper. Also, that Crankshaft in the Funkyverse has improved from drooling to cranky.
I’m assuming that’s Funky reading the newspaper. It could just as easily be Mort.
Whose name is French for death.
@jim
This crap is the syndicate good ol boys club in action. How else to explain why Batty continues to get a check for the crap he puts out?
Unbelievable. I finally started reading Crunkshit (no, thats not auto fill) only to be confronted with some thoroughly unappealing characters who always have these hangdog, unpleasant looks to them. Not to mention a bizarrely overwrought story arc about death and a lifetime’s worth of issues that isn’t particularly interesting. Now I have to see these same broke down excuses for characters 10 years on and not having “grown” in 10 years? Bah.
How old are these people supposed to be? I thought there was a 10 year gap between Crankshaft and FW. It looks closer to 30.
I’m guessing that this maybe has something to do with the Crankshaft flashback a couple of weeks ago that showed Jfff as a boy with an obsession for Starbuck Jones, and his evil monster mother desecrating his comic books and not giving him money to see the Starbuck Jones serials. Jfff is probably reading about the filming that is taking place at the High School (25 High School Seniors killed in poorly planned Graduation attack scene), and will somehow end up getting a role in the movie.
Next, DSH and Crazy Harry will be involved in the comic book store fight scene.
Ok, here’s a Pam ‘n’ Jfff template. C’mon guys, do your worst.
“Anything interesting in the paper?”
“WHO are the Cleveland Cavaliers and WHAT in the hell is a ‘NBA Finals’? What happened to the Akron Firestone Non-Skids of the NBL?”
I also see that the almighty vintage comic book idolatry has seeped over to “Rex Morgan, not a *real* M.D.”
@bobanero: You’d think some highly anticipated, hyped, mega-budget, star-studded Hollywood blockbuster filming in Ohio would be state news, and not some four-inch blurb on page B-11 of the local fishwrap…
@hitorque “I also see that the almighty vintage comic book idolatry has seeped over to “Rex Morgan, not a *real* M.D.”
The more I read interviews with cartoonists the more I think there’s a Dead Tree Cartoonists Club where they all sit on the floor around a Charlie Brown figurine and circle jerk.
I think bobanero has hit the nail on the head. Jff will read about the filming in Westview, decide he wants to go and watch it happen.
He’ll meet Cliff Anger, who will tell him, “Oh, I used to know your mother. She told me once she loved you more than anything” and Jff will get some kind of closure, via Starbuck Jones of course.
Plot twist, bc: Cliff Anger bumped uglies with Rose back in the day but the relationship didn’t work out. Jfff was their unfortunate sprog who grew up idolizing Starbuck Jones without ever knowing his hero was actually his dad!!
Hell, no wonder Rose used to stab the poor kid’s coloring books and only grudgingly give him dimes so he could follow the serials. It was because of Cliff that she had to raise a child on her own in an era when divorced single mothers were considered tramps.
Ah, who am I kidding? T-Bats hasn’t got the chops for that kind of story line.
One more…then I’ll stop, I swear.
I’m telling you, the old dude they found who was In the original Starbuck Jones movie is Crankshaft’s long lost brother! That’s where this is going
The Ka-Boom at the bottom really sells it for me, HeyItsDave. I don’t know why, exactly, but it’s the cherry on the sundae.