Swolb Tfahsknarc

Link to today’s strip

Some of you loyal SoSF readers might think it’s all fun and games here at SoSF World HQ in lovely downtown Camden (located in the heart of Camden’s Snark District, right next to the Mark Trail Building), but in reality there’s WAY MORE TO IT than that. Like today, for example, when we were forced to summon our Special Code Breaking Team away from their families, friends and parole officers on a national holiday just to decode BanTom’s mystery puzzle JUST FOR YOU! After many frantic seconds of toil, they succeeded in breaking TomBat’s secret code and, at the risk of receiving annoying letters from a hack law firm, we’re going to reveal those results RIGHT F*CKING NOW, whether Comics Kingdom likes it or not. Ready? It says…..

“IF I CAN MERGE MY TWO STRIPS INTO ONE I’LL ONLY HAVE TO DO HALF THE WORK”

Wow, a stunning revelation about the future of FW and that other comic strip he writes! You know the one I mean, the really shitty one about the obnoxious bus driver. No, really, it’s real, I’ve actually seen it a few times. Obviously that idiotic SJ decoder ring gobbledygook will come into play here, even though a) no one under seventy even knows what a “decoder ring” is and b) even fewer care. Then again, I might be biased as I lost all interest upon seeing these characters from that other comic strip, as I’m sure most of America did as well.

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19 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

19 responses to “Swolb Tfahsknarc

  1. I used to love doing these kinds of puzzles. For those interested, the translation of what we can see is

    CFFVJFQZJ (ATTENTION)
    UECOVDVJ (SPACEMEN)
    ZPQHQJCA (ORIGINAL)
    UQAIVP (SILVER)
    HPQAA (GRILL)
    TGJV (JUNE)
    IZ (VO)

    I’m assuming that “vo” is only a partial, that it’s probably “volume.”

    So, yeah, looks like someone is selling a comic book.

    I’m sure this comes as a HUGE surprise.

    Comic books. Again, comic books.

    HUGE, HUGE surprise. HUGE.

  2. Also, why have we had two days of Crankshaft characters? Mr. Batiuk, no one likes Crankshaft. No one. You cannot make people like Crankshaft by putting its terrible characters into Funky Winkerbean. No one will ever like Crankshaft. Just like people no longer like Funky Winkerbean.

    I think that would be “self-evident” but I guess it has to be spelled out.

  3. HeyItsDave

    Spell it out in code with a shitty made-in-china ring and then maybe he’ll get it.

    (BTW, props for decrypting that so quickly. I know it’s just a letter-substitution code, but still…)

  4. spacemanspiff85

    Knowing Batiuk, Jeff’s probably just thinking he had a stroke.

  5. What do you want to bet this ties into Jeff’s “whaaa, Mommy never loved me” arc over in Crankshaft? I can’t think of any other reason this couldn’t happen to any of the regular male characters in this strip.

  6. I remember that shortly after the second time frog, Batiuk said that sooner or later, he was going to fold the boring, unlikable characters from Crankshaft into Winkerbean. I just didn’t think it would tie into his obsessive love for terrible movies and idiotic comic books and, worst of all, his aggravating mommy issues. It’s bad enough that Jeff is going to have a good long cry with his past self about his evil mother without him spreading his whining into the source strip.

  7. Chyron HR

    DRINK
    MORE
    BARIUM
    SULFATE

  8. “Nadezhda! It’s a cipher from the special branch of the Eighth Directorate! For the first time in 50 years, we’re being activated!! The our orders reads as follows: “Why….. Don’t…..You…. Play….Some….Solitaire?”

  9. @beckoningchasm How the hell did you decode that so fast? You’ve done this before, eh, comrade??

  10. Don

    @beckoningchasm That’s not “IV” at the end; it’s “12.” The last line is “JUNE 12.”

  11. HeyItsDave

    I’m paying way too much attention to today’s strip, but the two “orphan” letters after SPACEMEN would decode to “OP” and the rest of the line is hidden. My best guess:

    ATTENTION SPACEMEN: OPERATION SILVER GRILL – JUNE 12

    Maybe it’s going to be a Starbuck Jones geek meet-up somewhere. Can’t be at a diner called the Silver Grill, though, since the only restaurant in Westview is Montoni’s. Shit, we need to yawn through two weeks of this slobber before we get to the Big Reveal.

  12. Professor Fate

    I think the only contact with decoder rings most people have is the incident of the Orphan Annie Decoder Ring in the movie Christmas Story. It’s not a moment of wistful maudlin nostalgia however.

  13. @Don – Well done. I’d overlooked the possibility that numbers could be involved.

    The larger question is–June 12 is less than two weeks away. Who puts an ad in the paper that interested parties would have to decode this close to the event? Six months ago, sure. But now?

    I’d have to say it would be an idiot in a universe ruled by someone who doesn’t know how things work.

  14. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Yeah, we kind of all predicted that Crankshaft & Funky Winkerbean would merge into a horrific monstrosity of lameness. I’m just surprised it’s taken this long.

  15. A HREF

    And meanwhile in Rex Morgans they have found comic books in the attic. If this results in a Rex Morgan/FW/Crankshaft cross over with Rex and June and Sarah (and her mafia handlers)steal all of Skunkhead John’s, Crazy Harry’s and Jffff’s comic books I will be happy.

    the fact that I typed the above tells me I pay way too much attention to these strips.

  16. HeyItsDave

    Meanwhile, in the Crankyverse, Jff’s hanging out in front of his childhood home…

    …and with all the time he’s spent driving around the block and staring at the windows and standing around at the curb it’s a wonder someone hasn’t called the cops yet.

  17. Jimmy

    @Chyron HR: It’s a crummy commercial!

  18. I know this OT, but I came across this tabletop RPG and thought it would be right after Batiuk’s heart (it’s about a person who has terminal cancer and will die no matter what): https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B4FaHVmQnP2icTNIaElwZzlVbEE/view

  19. Meanwhile, the Funky/Rex Morgan crossover continues…

    Funny how the comic-burning in Rex seems far scarier than the explosions at Cancerdeathview High’s graduation…