Codex Idiotica

Link to today’s strip

Well, MY hunch was right on the money…this arc is like a vacuum cleaner. It both sucks AND blows. This annoying old Crankshaft nimrod has (sigh) found his (sigh) Starbuck Jones (sigh) decoder ring, which as fate would have it just happened to be in his attic with the rest of his (sigh) SJ junk. Who’d a thunk it, eh? I thought that perhaps it was safely tucked away in a vault somewhere, or maybe a landfill, resting comfortably among some half-eaten fifty year old hot dogs or something.

IMO it’s time for Batiuk to start killing off a lot of these useless, unpopular and un-cared-about characters of his. Not like with Lisa either, I mean REALLY kill them off. And the beauty of it is they could be SJ-related deaths too. Like Pam and Jeff. Jeff can’t find the ring and suddenly has a childhood flashback where he remembers his demonic hellbeast of a mother forcing him to swallow the stupid ring whole. Then he develops excruciating stomach pains, is rushed to the hospital and dies during an emergency ring-ectomy. After the obligatory funeral strip we cut to Pam, who falls down the attic stairs while disposing of Jeff’s old SJ garbage and also dies. Then we cut to Crankshaft, who becomes so despondent when Pam doesn’t visit that he dies too. The big punchline would be that the secret message was from Chester The Chiseler, who was offering one million dollars for the exact issues Jeff had. The last panel would have Pam lying dead at the bottom of the stairs with SJ #165 draped over her face. See, it sticks with the SJ theme AND kills off three hated characters in one fell swoop. You’d have SJ covers, funerals, childhood traumas, medical emergencies, old people and death, all in one tidy package. And if he’s (ha) reading this, he can use that idea, no charge.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

18 responses to “Codex Idiotica

  1. Epicus Doomus

    HeyItsDave: LOL, I considered going that way…”no way that harpy was getting her greasy dishpan hands on my birthright….”.

  2. spacemanspiff85

    So all Pam is going to contribute to this “arc” is just asking Jeff what was going on, and then she disappears? She’s the white Cayla.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    “Montoni’s District Conflagration Kills Nine”
    “Illegally Imported Eastern-Bloc Car Plunges Into Ravine Killing Three”
    “Contaminated Botox Claims Jarr, Summers”
    “Faculty Lounge Ventilation System Malfunction Leaves Six Dead, Cutbacks Blamed”
    “Showboat Slam Dunk Attempt Kills KSU Hoopster, Teammate”

    The entire last year of the strip would feature Les talking to himself in front of a mirror about how he was the most popular kid in school, a big hit with the ladies, a terrific teacher, gifted writer and all-around beloved guy. A total retcon job that undoes the entire history of the strip. And to further muddy the waters I’d have Les inexplicably be way younger than he should be, just to screw with everyone.

  4. Didn’t Cliff Anger just sell one of those things of eBay for a ridiculous amount of money? Meaning that they’re rare collectors items, and it’s ridiculous to run a cryptographic ad in the local paper on the off chance someone in the area has one? (Oh, who am I kidding, of course the Westview Metro area has a high concentration of Starbuck Jones decoder rings, each one the prized treasure of an emotionally stunted man-child clinging to the nostalgia of his long-spent youth.)

  5. bayoustu

    @spacemanspiff85- actually, CAYLA is the white Cayla.

  6. billytheskink


    She’s the white Cayla.

    That’s a bit like describing LeBron James as “the black Julius Erving”, isn’t it?


    I know this point has been made, but leaving an untitled coded message in a newspaper is just asking for trouble.

    It brings to mind that Aqua Teen Hunger Force prank that Adult Swim did with the electronic passages.

    Somewhere Cliff Anger is being put on a watch list…then again he probably already was on one.

  8. I’m thinking Tom Batiuk’s point with this arc was something like “So, you thought Darrin Opens A Letter was drawn out and pointless? Well, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!”

  9. Looking at the guy in the masthead, I’m going to assume he’s the guy who “organized” the event.

  10. spacemanspiff85

    At least that Darrin storyline actually went somewhere and mattered. There’s a really good chance that after two weeks we’ll find out the secret message is “Starbuck Jones is the best, and it’s fans are all super cool!”.

  11. The fun thing about this looking at his old crap is that the coloring book stil has the stab mark in it when Rose punished him for having a personality and free will. This dovetails nicely with today’s Crankshaft that uses surreal visual non-humor to show us that his old bedroom is still haunted by his mother issues.

  12. Merry Pookster

    Like the mystery phone call for Les at the Airport… this’ll be a cryptic message from his mother asking forgiveness and love.

  13. @HeyItsDave: Anything that reminds me of Christopher Walken in “Pulp Fiction” is wonderful by me.

  14. HeyItsDave

    @Paul Jones – Jff was so terrified of Rosie Dearest that he had to wait until she was safely six feet under, with a stake through her wizzled black heart, sealed in a coffin, six feet underground in a concrete tomb before he could muster the balls to go back and retrieve his treasured Preciouss.

  15. With nothing much going on in “Funky” per se, let’s look into the author’s guest shot in another long-running strip…

  16. Professor Fate

    Even for strip with weird pointless storytelling this is pretty weird and pointless. To quote Crow T Robot ‘I’m not wondering if there is a point to all this, I’m wondering if there is a point to anything.”
    of on the other strip – we see jff is approaching his ghost childhood hiding in the closet despite the current owner’s objections – I like to think that what happened between strips is that Jff has strangled the current owner while screaming ‘must find the precious! Must have the precious!” – it’s the romantic in me.

  17. The funniest bit of this arc is that he had to drag the paper up to the attic with him. Couldn’t leave it next to the easy chair. ..some comic book hater might have stabbed it.