Too Old To Rock & Roll, To Young To Die

In an unusual turn of events, today’s comic finds us for the second consecutive week in Westview, without a hint of comic books or Batiuk’s fanfic cesspool Star*uck Jones. And look who’s back! It’s Rachel, and she needs to leave work a half an hour early so she can go to the Monsters of Metal concert tonight.


We know that Funky’s going to say “yes.” I mean, the restaurant is so dead today that Rachel’s folding pizza boxes and Funky is noodling around PornHub on his laptop. I just can’t wait for the hilarity of a full week of T-Bats’ Get Of My Lawn ranting about loud music.




Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

12 responses to “Too Old To Rock & Roll, To Young To Die

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Good old hatchet-faced Rachel, bailing on her (chortle) job to go out headbanging. Seriously though, she’s been working there since forever now, I guess all that “lifer” stuff from a few years back was no joke. I’m assuming this “Monsters Of Metal” tour is more of a nostalgia-type thing, as Rachel is a tad old to be much of a scene queen. Then again, Boy Lisa suddenly went from being a nearly forty year old washed-up MBA to a “young artist just starting out” overnight, so who the hell knows?

  2. spacemanspiff85

    So I guess the store selling Rachel’s blonde dye went out of business, like everything else in Westview.

  3. This could have been amusing, if it was tied to the characters somewhat. If Rachel had said, “It’s karaoke night at Bland’s Saloon!” then Funky’s rejoinder would be a kidding way of saying Rachel can’t sing. Not insulting, but just Funky’s rather bleak sense of humor.

    Instead I guess the joke is that Funky doesn’t like metal music. Which is kind of odd, given that I’m pretty sure he liked it back in Act I, and people never really stop liking the music they liked in their youth.

    In fact, it would make much more sense to switch the dialog between Rachel and Funky, so that Funky was going to the concert.

    Good lord, I can’t believe I’m thinking all this crap up. Why can’t Tom Batiuk do this?

  4. billytheskink

    This is a bold move by Rache, since I’m relatively sure this is the first time we’ve seen her back at work since she married Wally.

  5. spacemanspiff85

    I’d say the odds are pretty good that this is a setup for a comic cover. If I had to guess, I’d say a ripoff of the Metal Men.

  6. I know why the caged turd hates headache music: Mort’s into it. We know that Morton wishes he were a rock god instead of the father of a fat, whiny loser who’s sterile. He probably reminds Funky of that fact as often as possible.

  7. I think we’ve got it wrong here. This isn’t a music concert – she’s actually going to see monsters made out of metal. With any luck they’ll destroy the coliseum and the crowd within.

    And where’s Wally going to be in all this? I would have to assume that since they’re now married, they’ll be attending these events together – unless this is a girls’ night out for Rachel, and she’ll be going with her middle-aged high school goth chick friend (who’s name I can’t be bothered to remember). Are we going to find any of this out, or will it just be a week of “Metal music sux. Give me Frank Sinatra”?

  8. Ray

    The Coliseum? What year are we in?? The Coliseum has been gone since 1994.
    While I will say that place had way more character than its replacement, Gund Arena/Quicken Loans Arena, it’s been gone far too long to use as a reference point.
    And given the state of that era of music, not many of those bands are filling arenas on their own, so we must assume that the “Monsters of Metal” is a festival-type show.
    Now I’m all nostalgic for my old Richfield Coliseum.

  9. When did Rachel decide she was going to the concert? It was probably scheduled months in advance. And she’s just telling Funky this?

  10. HeyItsDave

    The Coliseum? What year are we in?? The Coliseum has been gone since 1994.

    I’ve long since lost interest in trying to pin down specific timelines for Funky Winkerbean and/or Crankshaft. T-Bats plays fast and loose with crossovers and interactions, and even if you accept the “official” BS about Crankshaft taking place x years in the past with FW set in a sort of nebulous “now,” there are still too many anomalies and anachronisms for any sort of real accuracy.

    It’s my own explanation that both strips are set in a kind of AU “present day” with it’s very own temporal quirks and reality, and that any attempt to perfectly align Batiuk’s half-assed timelines with each other or reality are futile and not worth the bother.

    In fact, it would make much more sense to switch the dialog between Rachel and Funky, so that Funky was going to the concert.

    That would actually make the gag work. T-Bats has an almost magical way of writing “antijokes.” though. I can picture him reading this blog, seeing the suggestions and criticisms we write here, and muttering angrily to himself, “Yeah, well fuck you because I’m a goddamn writer and you’re not.”

  11. Spacemanspiff85

    I think that’s the only way the past couple years of this strip come close to making sense.
    “Oh, so they think this strip would be better with less comic book stories? I’ll show them! I’ll show them all!”
    And then he cackles maniacally for way too long.

  12. Actually, what would have worked as a joke would be if Rachel asked to leave early, and Funky said he was thinking of closing early anyway, and it turned out they were both going to the concert. Then Funky could have smirked and said “I promise I won’t sit near you.”