You’ve urned it

Link to today’s strip.

So, Bull has “one last thing” to do, in order to honor Coach Stropp.  I’m guessing that’s an urn of Stropp’s ashes, and Bull is supposed to spread them on the field, now that…uh…now that…hm.

“Bull, when you retire, I’ll be long dead, but an urn of my ashes will be on top of the lockers.  Not in a case or anything, just sitting there, a banquet for spiders and a favorite spit-ball target.  I want you to spread those ashes out on the field.  Since I died of cancer, my ashes will give all the players on all the teams cancer.  Remember, the most important thing in the world is for Les Moore to write more books, and he can’t write those books if people are healthy.  Now, go in peace, my son.”

Amazing how we’ve gone from celebrating Bull’s career to Coach Jack Stropp, who hasn’t even been mentioned in the strip for many, many years.  This strip lacks many, many things but focus seems to be one of the big ones.

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20 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

20 responses to “You’ve urned it

  1. And we just know this is going to end badly, don’t we?

  2. spacemanspiff85

    Since Stropp asked Bull to do something with his urn, don’t you think maybe he would’ve mentioned “don’t just shove it into the corner of the locker room and let it get covered in cobwebs”? Or maybe Bull would’ve just done that automatically, cause he’s a decent person?

  3. Epicus Doomus

    All of this WHS football-centric nostalgia might have had a bit more of an impact with the readers if BanTom had bothered to write something relevant about Bull’s career at WHS instead of killing a week on inane banter between Les and Funky. Too late for that now, though. I like how Bull has already totally given up hope and just assumes he’ll be a vegetable in the very near future, unlike Lisa who went on an ambitious video-creating tear as she patiently waited to die.

    I guess ol’ Coach Stropp didn’t merit a ceremony or anything, they just stuck his cremation urn on a row of smelly gym lockers for years on end instead. I guess if Bull happened to die suddenly those ashes would remain there forevermore, or at least until someone needed a spittoon. Real classy there Tom, but again, I guess it’s all OK because they’re just dumb jocks…right?

  4. spacemanspiff85

    @Epicus Doomus:
    I think possibly the only time Stropp’s been mentioned, since he died, was when Les silently read the paper and saw his obituary.

  5. Epicus Doomus

    spacemanspiff85: Wasn’t there a Sunday memorial service or something? Or am I just imagining that? It had to have been at least four or five years ago if I’m remembering it correctly.

  6. Gerard Plourde

    So I guess we’re to assume that Coach Stropp had no immediate family who would have taken custody of his ashes. And that the school district had no problem allowing cremated human remains to sit on a row of lockers in the locker room.

    Life in Westview can be as weird as Twin Peaks.

  7. Jimmy

    I’m just wondering how in Hell this thing gets dragged out to Saturday. You know there will be at least two days of Bull looking silently at the urn.

  8. Charles

    So I guess we’re to assume that Coach Stropp had no immediate family who would have taken custody of his ashes. And that the school district had no problem allowing cremated human remains to sit on a row of lockers in the locker room.

    And it was left with so much disrespect that they allowed cobwebs to form on it. Westview is a weird and unsettling place.

    I wonder if Jim Dumbshitdick has some human remains sitting in a jar of formaldehyde in his homeroom, seeing as how the distastefulness of such a thing isn’t a deterrent.

  9. Rusty Shackleford

    That’s an urn? Thought it was a chamber pot, and Bull’s last duty is to fill the thing with his duty.

  10. I’m only amazed that a clay urn can sit in a boy’s locker room on top of some lockers for 25-30 years and no kid fucks with it, ever…

    I mean, come the hell on! I’ve played high school sports, and I know what goes on in locker rooms…

    So why is the urn sitting unlabeled in the locker room anyway? It’s not like Westview doesn’t have a trophy case in the main hall like every other American high school… If that was Stropp’s final request, isn’t that really really really pervy?

  11. timbuys

    I am going to assume that Bull is about to do the Westview equivalent of the Cinnamon challenge with the ashes.

  12. Well, I guess we didn’t get to see Coach Stropp’s final wishes:

    I, Jack Stropp, being of questionable mind and body, do hereby bequeath that my earthly remains should be cremated, and regarded with the same level of respect that Westview High School has given to the football program throughout my career. And upon the occasion that any coach is able to wrest any degree of success from this clusterfuck, upon their retirement (no doubt due to the onset of some tragic illness), I request that he take my ashes and publicly dump them over the head of one Lester Moore, so that I will have eternal knowledge that I was able to provide some small bit of satisfaction to the Westview High School community.

  13. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    The most hilarious thing is that the jar appears to be open. If Stropp’s remains are in there, roaches have been breeding in their for years. Although at least something has found joy in Jock Stropp’s life.

  14. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Crankshaft

    This strip would be a lot more effective if they were hiding a copy of “Lusty GILFs XXX”

  15. Comic Book Harriet

    @Hitorque
    I was thinking the same thing vis a vis the perv factor of wanting your cremains to be placed high in the corner of a locker room so you can watch all the young people. Their young nubile bodies in various states of undress and showering, constantly taunting and teasing each other about the myriad ways puberty manifests itself in different young men.

    “Yes, put me in the corner of the locker room. Watching. It was the only place I knew true joy in life.”

  16. billytheskink

    What I got out of this is that Coach Stropp either had no family or a family that hated him. Left his ashes with a former player and assistant coach, to be placed in the locker room of the football team he lost hundreds of games coaching? That’s harsh, even for this strip.

  17. HeyItsDave

    I wonder if Jim Dumbshitdick has some human remains sitting in a jar of formaldehyde in his homeroom, seeing as how the distastefulness of such a thing isn’t a deterrent.

    Jim has a fetus in a jar of formaldehyde which was his high-school science fair project – it’s a barometer. The fetus floats when fair weather is coming, and sinks to the bottom when a storm is coming.

  18. Don

    So, of course, in the time between when Stropp died and now, Westview switched from a natural field to an artificial one, so when Bull spreads the ashes, they either just lay there or get blown away by the wind

  19. Yet again, Batiuk totally fails to understand how to make a touching gesture. The only thing that would be worse is Bull howling with grief and rage behind a statue of Joe Paterno.

  20. The Dreamer

    I’ve got it. Plot twist! It turns out that Bull secretly switched Jock Stropp’s ashes for St. Lisa’s. Les actually buried coach Stropp’s ashes, which was what the uber private Stropp wanted, to be buried anonymously. Now Bulli is going to fess up and give Les back Lisa’s ashes!