Sentences Batom Rarely Hears For $100, Alex

Link to today’s strip


BOOM! Look at Cliff, trying not to crack up. Sometimes NomBat makes this way too easy.

“Yeah, the feds got wise to us while we were filming “Starbuck Jones Leads The Righteous Lunar Proletariat In A Galactic Revolt Against The Decadent Capitalist Space Bourgeois” and long story short, I spent the next thirty-two years working a floor buffer at Leavenworth. Even worse, my cell was in the Right Wing so all day long I had to watch my back in case someone wanted to trade currency for goods or services. It was hell on earth. Really good grilled cheese sandwiches though, it’s all in the quality of the paper you’re using when you heat them on the radiator.”

“Oh how I waited and waited for my dearest Clifford to call after his parole. So many years spent watching my neck waste away, hoping to hear from my beloved Starbuck. Then I learned he had a computer and could have looked up my number in like two seconds. I began to see things in a different light after that. But still, this is too good to pass up, the studio pays for everything no questions asked and the food is fantastic.”

“When Dashiell told me to meet him at on Marx St at the old Lenin building over on the communist side of town I was a little apprehensive and when he asked me to wear all red I thought “hmmm, this guy could be involved in some far-out stuff here”. But he was very engaging and persuasive so I eventually agreed to obtain the blasting caps for him in spite of my misgivings.  But I wasn’t anywhere near the bald eagle sanctuary on the evening in question and you can put that on the record.”

“I tried to tell him “Cliff, darling, this Hammett guy is a pinko, he associates with more Reds than Ted Kluszewski, he’s a goddamned f*cking commie to the core. But that’s my Clifford, a dear man but quite frankly dumber than a pillowcase full of broken toasters.”




Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

12 responses to “Sentences Batom Rarely Hears For $100, Alex

  1. Jeez, Epicus, why not just shove Tom Batiuk’s face in the fact that you can outwrite him at a moment’s notice?

    The thing about this comic strip, no matter how stupid, infuriating, or both–it’s like one of those “What if?” science fiction stories, like “What if the south had won the Civil War” or “What if the Roman Empire still ruled the world.”

    In this case, it’s “What if it was a world where you could tell who was ‘good’ because they were really knowledgeable about comic books and regarded them as a truly awesome art form, and they talked about them all the time and collected them and treasured them forever. And of course everyone who was ‘evil’ just disparaged comic books and thought they were trivial, if they thought about them at all, and they’d, like, stab comic books and would never admit that they, secretly, wished they were cool enough to like them. And, get this, the whole story is told through a comic strip. I think we’re talking Pulitzer material here…”

  2. billytheskink

    “That comic strip he’d written”
    “Along with another actor”

    Oh, so we get Dashiell Hammett name drops and the unabridged history of Batom comics for weeks upon weeks but now we get a level on non-specificity that Herb and Jamaal wouldn’t stoop to?

  3. spacemanspiff85

    Oh man, Batiuk’s imagining himself as Dashiel Hammett here, isn’t it? “Engaging”, “persuasive”, having Hollywood beauties praise his comic strip. This is sad.

  4. sgtsaunders

    I’m confident that on Saturday, the “other actor” will be revealed. My guess is that the “other actor” will be either Humphrey Bogart, for maximum name-dropping effect or Steve Reeves, because comic books.

  5. Great. Not only do we have to hear this bullshit story and this fan-wanking and await a stupid sideways Sunday thing, we have to remember that Jessica is filming the damned thing. Since her head’s full of air, we’ll going to get a close-up of her thumb talking about its past as a failed radical.

  6. Rusty Shackleford


    Batty indeed imagines himself as a writer at Hammet’s level. Check out his blog where he talks about getting that signed book for someone because it is nice to have some culture at Christmas.

    Back to the strip, I’m sure Cindy’s videos will be as popular as Couric’s Yahoo videos.

  7. The Merry Pookster

    Communist Martyrs High School that’s who.

  8. timbuys

    How are we supposed to read Cindy’s expression? I would normally expect her to reflexively smirk, but she looks like she is actively frowning while listening to this charade.

  9. Gerard Plourde

    What a historical mess we have here. Hammet did create the strip and wrote the first four stories that ran in 1936 (or about two decades before mythical Batom Comics was founded and Starbuck Jones was created). Other writers in 1936 were Don Moore and Leslie Charteris, who is famous for creating Simon Templar AKA The Saint. Authorship of stories between 1936 and 1942 is not known. In 1940, Mel Graf took over the artwork and took ever writing the strip in 1942, with full charge of it until 1960. Graf is also responsible for giving X-9 the identity of Phil Corrigan. Two serials were spun off, one in 1937 and the other in 1945. The 1945 serial starred Lloyd Biridges who, ironically, was briefly blacklisted in the 1950’s, but was able to relaunch his career in 1957 playing scuba diver Mike Nelson in the successful syndicated TV series “Sea Hunt”.

    So, while Hammet created the strip, the writer most likely associated with it by the early ’50’s would have been Graf.

  10. Gerard Plourde: Exactly. If Vera was in her 20s during the filming of this 1950s serial, it’s just barely possible that she read Hammett’s comic strip as a child, but it’s unlikely that a child that age would have taken note of the creators’ names.

    Also, I can imagine somebody meeting Dashiell Hammett and not wanting to say “I loved ‘The Maltese Falcon'”, because it’s too predictable and obvious, and he’s heard it a million times. But out of all the other works she could have mentioned instead, Vera chooses to single out “Secret Agent X-9”? I can’t imagine Hammett was too impressed…

  11. And I’m just trying to figure out whether is point is “This proves that comic strips are a great art form because Dashiell Hammett wrote one,” or “This proves that Dashiell Hammett was a great writer because he wrote a comic strip.”

  12. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    Ah, Buddyblog. Nothing says “professional production” more than shooting an in-studio interview using a hand-held camcorder with a built-in mic. If they can’t afford a cheap tripod, even a broom or mop used as a makeshift monopod would greatly improve the quality. Perhaps they’re going for that “Blair Witch” vibe (vibration).