Oyb Hsit Omcic Pstri Wsblo

Link To Today’s Dismal Experience

I’ll take a stab at decoding Cliff’s “secret message” using nothing but my extensive knowledge of the Funkyverse and nothing more. OK, here goes nothing…

THIS STORY IS GARBAGE AUTHORED BY AN UNIMAGINATIVE AND POSSIBLY DELUSIONAL HACK WITH NO DESIRE TO ENTERTAIN ANYONE BUT HIMSELF AND NO ABILITY TO DO SO EVEN IF HE WANTED TO

That’s what I came up with. I’m estimating it’s at least 125% accurate, more or less. How many times will he go back to THIS well? It was a movie prop, Tom. The guy is ninety f*cking years old, that goddamned f*cking decoder ring isn’t his whole…oh, wait. My bad, I forgot who and what I’m dealing with here. Of course that f*cking stupid decoder ring is Cliff’s whole life, as he’s a woefully one-dimensional and contrived character with all the depth of a pizza box who was conceived by a lazy shameless hack who must have been absent when they covered “plausibility” in vocabulary class. It’s only natural that Cliff’s entire life centers around some moronic old toy. Like they say, write what you know.

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23 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

23 responses to “Oyb Hsit Omcic Pstri Wsblo

  1. billytheskink

    It is blindingly, painfully obvious what that coded message is.

    This is kind of like when the clue given in the little comic in Jumble makes the answer so easy to guess that you don’t bother working the puzzle, except that this also makes you want to punch someone in the jaw.

  2. spacemanspiff85

    Obviously the message is “Starbuck Jones is awesome”. Come on, people.

  3. I set my decoder ring to a different setting, and I got this message:

    COMIC BOOKS ARE THE BE-ALL AND END-ALL. IF YOU ARE NOT OF THE BODY, THE FLASH WILL ESCORT YOU TO YOUR EXIT…OF DEATH!

    FOOLISH FEMALE, HAD YOU CHOSEN DEATH, YOU WOULD HAVE CHOSEN WELL.

  4. Charles

    Obviously the message is “Starbuck Jones is awesome”. Come on, people.

    No, it’s much more obviously “Drink More Ovaltine, Your Chicken Neck Can’t Support The Weight Of Your Huge Head”

  5. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Leaving a coded message to the woman you love isn’t cute. It’s something the goddamn Zodiac Killer would do!

  6. DOlz

    I love her expression in the second panel. “Oh yeah that’s why I dropped this guy when he went to prison. Damn my alzheimer’s for forgetting what a loser he is.”

  7. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    No, BatYecch! No! Two 90 year olds acting like juvenile Komix Kollecters is not romantic, endearing, and quirky. It’s just stupid and weird and, needless to say, forced and contrived.

    And quite frankly, these aren’t characters we particularly care about.

    But I’d love it if the coded message were:
    UBLF PVU ZPVS GBMTF UFFUI BOE TVDL NZ EJDL.

  8. Gerard Plourde

    “Forced and contrived”. That about cover it.

  9. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    “GERITOL…MAALOX…DEPENDS…Huh?”

    “Oh Wait. Sorry. That’s my shopping list.”

  10. As the dead walrus on the table that is this contrived and idiotic mess of a proposal continues its decomposition, let’s head to Crankytown where Max is talking about hateful and wrong stunted fungus-people are to complain about the ensuing stench. Batiuk isn’t a pea-brained idiot whose life is centred around shiny trash to the exclusion of all else, bad people are picking on him.

  11. Rusty Shackleford

    Over on Crankshaft, another stupid story, but he does take a swipe at the trolls. Anti social media, how nice. If you don’t agree with Batty, you are a troll!

  12. Chyron HR

    VERA: (sighs, throws away paper unread) Yes, Cliff, I’ll marry you.
    CLIFF: YOU HAVE TO DECODE IT REEEEEEEEEEEEE

  13. Rusty

    It makes my head hurt thinking about this, but didn’t Cliff sell his ring on e-bay, and Mopey Pete bought it? Maybe he has a pallet of this crap back in his apartment.

  14. Vera: “That’s nice, Cliffie dear! But you know I can’t really see the characters on the decoder because they’re too small… And even if I could, the arthritis in my hands is acting up so I’ll see if my great-granddaughter can decipher your message the next time her parents bring her for a visit!”

  15. Krankenschaaftenland — So where do I start? A “weather camera” on the school roof, which students evidently have to climb up and clean themselves? “Antisocial” and “webcam” are supposed to be funny? I’m supposed to believe teenagers talk this way in real life?

    Since the folks on some generic “anti-social media” service are commenting on the weathercam, that at least means they’re watching and that’s all that matters, right?? And are spiderwebs really that much of an issue in the midst of a harsh Central Ohio January?

    I know CS takes place in a neighboring town, but is this high school Westview or what? Because if it’s a different high school, then we need something different than the generic “student broadcast news team” silliness…

  16. Please, you’re too generous. Even a pizza box is deep enough to contain something delicious and ennoyable. Unless it came from Montoni’s, of course.

  17. sgtsaunders

    You can tell by the look on her face in P2 that’s she’s losing her buzz. Shit is getting real in a most bizarre way, the the lady will have none of it.

  18. billytheskink

    I know CS takes place in a neighboring town, but is this high school Westview or what? Because if it’s a different high school, then we need something different than the generic “student broadcast news team” silliness…

    Crankshaft drives buses for the Centerville school district, which has its own high schools separate from Westview. I say “schools” because Crankshaft has driven buses for both Centerville and Teddy Roosevelt high schools as I recall. The high school scenes once had their own cast of characters; in addition to the Murdoch children there was a group of tough poor kids called the “Roughriders” (’cause they went to Teddy Roosevelt high, get it?) who agreed to study hard and graduate if Crankshaft would help pay for their college education. Crankshaft was all set to retire until he realized that he had forgotten to save money for the Roughriders college fund… and that is why a WWII veteran who once played baseball against Fidel Castro is still driving a school bus in northern Ohio. In a crossover with Funky, the Roughriders encountered Pete at the mall and decided to beat him up. Darin stepped in and told them they couldn’t beat him up because it was Pete’s birthday (Darin was lying). The Roughriders went along with this for some reason.

    Anyways, Max is long graduated from high school and works (or “worked” now, I guess) for Channel 1, Cindy’s and (Max’s uncle) John Darling’s long time place of employment. His not-girlfriend-now-girlfriend Hannah, who owns the Valentine theater with him, also works/worked for Channel 1. Seems like that would be mentioned in this story arc, but you can’t expect TB to remember all of his own details… or any of them, really.

  19. This entire week could have been done in three panels. I’m guessing tomorrow Vera will translate the WILL YOU MARRY ME? message, and maybe Sunday will be a special comic cover, or Funky and Less jogging in the snow.

  20. Gerard Plourde

    @ hitorque – It’s even worse than that. Crankshaft’s grandson works at a commercial television station. Channel 1 is the station Batty created for the John Darling strip and the one Cindy went to work for after she was fired from her New York anchor job.

  21. A HREF

    @bobanero in a throw back to Darren opens his mail this will stretch out for months as Vera decodes each letter panel by panel. Oh the suspense.

  22. Professor Fate

    I presume the Author thinks I’m going to be charmed by this. Why? What makes him think that? We’ve already seen the decoder ring used in that weird reunion of people who stopped getting on with their lives years ago because of Starbuck Jones story arc – why pull it out now? This isn’t whimsical or charming, it’s baffling and insulting to the audience at the same time and makes one suspect that the deep secret of all of FW characters is that they are Lizard people wearing human skins and are aping human behavior but not quite getting it right – What else could rationally explain the obsession with comic books? It’s that or the Author just doesn’t really care to be an honest storyteller, which seeing as he regards the folks who wrote the Flash comics in the 60’s as the masters of the art form is more likely.
    Still prefer the Lizard People explanation – make a great arc for the farewell strip.