And So It Begins

Link to today’s strip.

Good news, everyone!  We’re not going to have a week of airline jokes!

No, because it turns out that Funky has cancer!

I don’t know what to say about this one.   Probably something like–

  1. “Look, Mr. Batiuk, you didn’t get a Pulitzer award when you killed Lisa, and you’re not going to win one (or even be nominated) for killing off Funky.”
  2. “Mr. Batiuk, if you want to kill off one of your main characters, Les Moore is right there for the taking.  You could draw it out slowly.  Hell, I’d buy that volume.”
  3. “Why are all the professional people in your comics portrayed as callous and uncaring?   If that’s from a personal story, maybe you should tell that one.”

Personally, I have a feeling this isn’t going to amount to anything.  Probably Funky had a donut in his pocket, or someone spilled coffee on an x-ray…something along those lines.  Because the way this strip operates, nothing can ever change.  Les can never let go of Lisa.  The Starbuck Jones movie can never be finished.  The groan-a-day format is too deeply ingrained in this strip for anything to actually, you know, happen.

People have noted in previous comments how much Tom Batiuk seems to utterly, clutchingly despise Funky.   There isn’t a single regular character who gets as much concentrated vitriol as Funky; this must be especially perplexing to new readers, who can see in Les, Dinkle, DHS John, Darrin and many others, much more suitable targets for ire.

Bonus content!  Fearless Leader has done what I fell asleep trying to do–he’s found the Dallas Super Clinic!

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20 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

20 responses to “And So It Begins

  1. spacemanspiff85

    My guess it’ll turn out that the nurse did the CT scan on a smartphone app, somehow, and it’ll turn out to be wrong, because technology is terrible.
    And can Batiuk just flat out not draw people who don’t have receding hairlines anymore? Sure seems that way.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    A cold, unfeeling health care professional drops a horrible reality bomb in the most dispassionate way possible…a common theme in FW. Ditto the various masses and lumps that are always cropping up. I mean what can you even say at this point? God forbid Funky should ever find a scratch-off lottery ticket worth $100 or win tickets to an Indians game or something, it’s always another major health trauma and at this point it’s more laughable than anything else.

    Maybe he has a big kidney transplant prestige arc in the works. Bull might be a match as he won’t need his for too much longer, plus he’s also fat. Becky could be a donor if for no other reason than enhanced balance. Or maybe his old pal Les will force Funky to grovel for one of his, although I just don’t see Les giving one up (or Funky being that desperate).

  3. Gerard Plourde

    Great job by Fearless Leader! It appears to be solely a research facility, without any kind of diagnostic or treatment programs. I wonder what is Batty’s connection to it.

    Curious about the quarter-sized growth statement. In kidney cancer this would be infinitesimal since a small stage one tumor is 7 cm (just under 3 inches) across.

  4. spacemanspiff85

    @epicusdoomus:
    It’ll be revealed that Lisa had her (noncancerous) organs frozen. Les will fret about what to do for two weeks, before smugly deciding to donate Lisa’s kidney to Funky. The storyline will end with Les looking sad and complaining about how jealous he is of Funky, since he’ll always have a piece of Lisa inside of him.

  5. billytheskink

    I was going to question the results of a CT scan performed at Monticello, but apparently this place does exist.

    Panel two appears to be an MC Escher tribute of dubious quality.

  6. Max Power

    After smirks, google-eyed horror is the second most frequent expression in this strip.

  7. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Oh, this is just idiotic. The tech doesn’t discuss the CT scan with the damn patient. The doctor reviews the results and discusses them directly with the patient. Clearly, someone at a large clinic — the kind you fly to because there are none within driving distance — pushed Batty down and took his lunch money. Why else would he portray the employees as blithering, unprofessional idiots?

    I hope I’m wrong, but I have a feeling there’s a tie-in between Flunky’s Cancer Scare and that Cancer Cancer Cancer Marathon he was asked to run in. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but I’m pretty sure it will be quite stupid.

  8. count of tower grove

    A thumb print on the scanne most likely.
    BTW, over the weekend, in my non-Ohio Midwestern state, I was walking in the park and encountered a heavyset man wearing a Browns’ cap just like Fungy’s.

  9. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    He was wearing a Browns cap because they were all out of “I’m a Fuggin Loser” caps.

  10. sgtsaunders

    That’s just a bruise where he got kidney-punched by several TSA employees.

  11. Great. Another medical professional being depicted as a callous incompetent because someone wouldn’t indulge Batiuk’s idiotic beefing about being a special snowflake when he had to have his prostate removed.

  12. This isn’t how they do it, Tom.

  13. Rusty Shackleford

    Well Crankshaft wasn’t bad today. But wow, FW sure took a turn for the worse. What is it with Batty and cancer? He could have done a joke about the dreaded wallet biopsy, but no, he has to make Funky’s life worse.

    Why won’t someone fire him already.

  14. Rusty

    Ever since Batiuk had nut cancer he has been obsessed with it. All of funky’s jogging and working out is probably tied to this place.

  15. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Boy! It’s a good thing you did all that jogging with Le Moore, huh, Funky?

    BTW, isn’t there supposed to be a mass on top of your kidney’s. Aren’t those the adrenal glads or something. Sorry even though I am a doctor, I failed basic anatomy. 🙂

  16. bobanero

    Your CT scan looks very good, Mr Winkerbean. I’ve never seen such a crisp image of a giant tumor before.

  17. Professor Fate

    He’ll have cancer but Les will kill him because only Lisa dies of cancer no one else! His is the only suffering. And the rest of the strip is a long arc showing Les on the run from the police which climaxes with Les being gunned down on the top of the Brown Derby, because reasons.

  18. Professor Fate

    An additional thought – “all the professional people in your comics portrayed as callous and uncaring.” this could be from a personal story but maybe perhaps, professional people all act this way because they have been dealing with him?

  19. Hitorque

    Maybe that growth on Dr. Funkenstein’s kidney should start insulting comic writers and Hollywood starlets on social media… Maybe then Batiuk will treat it more seriously?

  20. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    “As you can see, Mr. Winkerbean, there’s a quarter-sized mass on your left kidney. Let me zoom in on it. Wait a sec…”E Pluribus Unum”?? Did you keep your pants on during the scan?”