The Man Who Slanted Trees

Go see today’s strip
Unless you do not want to
You won’t miss a thing

Day two of this arc
Funky is so out of shape
This is in real time

Be careful Funky
That hillside is full of stones
That can trip you up

Darin trespasses
And finds himself getting shot
Same fate for Funky?

Funky’s four-door car
Back down to two doors just like
All Batiukmobiles

If this turns into
A big rip-off of The Shack
We have still seen worse

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22 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

22 responses to “The Man Who Slanted Trees

  1. spacemanspiff85

    So, obviously going to actually go in the house this week. No way is Batiuk going to rush into this. I just wonder if he’ll actually walk around it or look close at the outside, or if the week will still end with him halfway up the hill.

  2. Dang it, Billy, ya stole my idea. I was going to have Funky discover somebody is making meth in that house, and they pop an Uzi-load of caps in him.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    Coming tomorrow later this week sometime in the near-distant future: After finally scaling Ohio’s seventeenth highest peak, a winded Funky discovers he’s arrived at the ol’ Crawford estate, where Lisa was belittled by her parents as a child. While trying to retrieve Lisa’s old chastity belt from the crawlspace (for “research” purposes re: Les’ new book project, of course) he suffers a serious puncture wound on his arm from a rusty old nail. Despite his doctor’s wry attempts to save his arm, he ends up losing it and with it his ability to properly make Montoni’s legendary crappy pizza. Westview withers and dies, its few remaining residents forced to resort to cannibalism and selling their comic books to survive.

  4. Since nothing (at all) is going on in the strip, I’d like to let everyone know some important dates…

    Today (Tues. March 14th) is Tom Batiuk’s 70th birthday, and March. 27th is the 45th anniversary of Funky Winkerbean’s debut.

  5. Also ICYMI: last Friday’s Crankshaft was a PTSD “gag”:

    …for which he and Chuck Ayers got ripped a new one by a Winnipeg Free Press reader who seems to have actual first hand knowledge.

  6. My call is that Funky will discover a stash of rare Starbuck Jones comic books hidden under attic floorboards. Because he’s Funky they will have rotted from decades of mold, water leaks, rodent droppings and insect infestations. They will crumble into dust, ruining his brief hope of fame and fortune.

  7. billytheskink

    This strip is an apt metaphor for Act III Funky Winkerbean on the whole.

    It would be Sisyphean if it ever made it up the hill it was trying to climb… and even then, what is at the top of the hill is a broken shell of its former self.

  8. Rusty Shackleford

    As predicted, this is going to take awhile.

    @TFH. Wow, that person in Winnipeg sure is ticked off. And they say we take things too seriously over here at SoSF. Obviously, in his other strip, Batty dealt with this topic in his usual heavy handed way so you can’t say he isn’t sympathetic to those with PTSD.

  9. spacemanspiff85

    @WIlliam Thompson:
    Oh, Funky actually finding anything is way more resolution than this strip ever has any more. How this storyline will end:
    Funky steps on a floorboard. It creaks loudly. As he steps out of the house, his knees creak loudly. He turns and looks sadly over his shoulder at the decaying house, lamenting his own decaying body.
    Sunday: a sideways comic cover!

  10. Epicus Doomus

    @TFH: Birthday Boy’s heavy hand strikes again. He really should have known better with that, given how much he put into Wally’s PTSD arc and all. But then again, stupid wordplay is as stupid wordplay does, I suppose. And once again I find that not reading “Crankshaft” is its own reward.

  11. Rusty Shackleford

    I’m still betting that the house has something to do with Lisa.

  12. So…this house doesn’t have a driveway of any kind? Funky has to labor up the hill?

    If there were some crazed person in there, I’d think it would be best to approach via the driveway, rather than shambling through the trees.

  13. Well, so long as all we have is an out-of-shape man climbing a hill towards a crumbling house, I think I’m okay with it. Violence isn’t being done to the language or to history, bad wordplay is not being used to demean people, the old familiar subjects aren’t being bruited about and best of all. we don’t have to look at Dick Facey.

  14. @TFHackett—And, of course, Batiuk will not defend himself.

  15. The Merry Pookster

    Is this place the “Lighthouse”?
    There was a one strip mention of “The Lighthouse” when the Fairgoods were being driven around town reminiscing about old neighborhoods.
    Remember that one TFH?

  16. @Pookster would that I could forget it.

    After leaving Les and Cayla’s Driveway Wedding, Darin and Jess get shanghaied by pre-stroke Fred Fairgood and his wife Ann on a tour of “the old neighborhood.” The tour takes them past the old Lighthouse, and Fred hints darkly about what went on there, but it is never mentioned again.

  17. Rusty

    We will finally meet Funky’s mom, I guess.

  18. Comic Book Harriet

    @Beckoning Chasm.

    THAT is what has me so enraged. I’ve never seen a house, or even a shed really, set back from the road that far without at least a ‘hint’ of where the driveway used to be. EVEN THE AMISH HAVE DRIVEWAYS. Even the abandoned houses of the impoverished Amish HAD driveways.

  19. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Reminds me of the three months it took Duuuhhhren to open the letter from Dead Saint Lisa:

    Day 1: Darvon sees a letter.
    Day 2: He looks again. Letter still there.
    Day 3: Takes a step toward the letter.
    Day 4: Takes another step toward the letter.
    Day 5: Sneezes. Goes back a step.
    Day 6: Takes a step, getting back to where he was on Day 4.
    Day 7: Reaches for the letter.
    Day 8: Picks up the letter.

    Aaaaand so on. You already saw all this.

    Apparently Birthday Boy Batwick still doesn’t know the difference between “suspense” and “nothing’s happening.”

  20. Gerard Plourde

    Given that this is the house he was running past in Sunday’s strip and that according to Les they often run this route, is it too much to ask that some exposition take place to explain why Funky has decided to take this moment to go exploring?

  21. Chyron HR

    Prediction: Lisa didn’t die, Les chained her up in a house in the woods so he could get sympathy for being a widower.

    Why didn’t Les just kill her? Well, he’s not very bright, you see…

  22. Charles

    I’m still flabbergasted by the dumbness of this premise.

    So Funky saw the house on top of the hill from his car while driving around, just impulsively decided right there to pull over and hike up to it, trespassing no less, under the assumption that it’s abandoned? Why does Batiuk think this is a good idea?

    What would he do if someone lived there? What would he do if someone lived there, had a shotgun and/or a guard dog and didn’t like people? What would he do if a police officer saw his car on the side of the road, stopped, and discovered Funky trespassing on a whim?

    And the most amazing thing about this is that if Funky did this properly, Batiuk could totally drag this out! Show Funky looking at the weird house on the hill and wondering about it. Then he goes to the real property department in the county government to look up who owns the place. Then he makes a phone call or two to inquire about it. THEN he gets to see the place without violating anyone’s property rights. Batiuk could have dragged this out three weeks and had the benefit of not having Funky look like an impulsive idiot who doesn’t respect other people’s property!