That’s Good! No, That’s Bad!

Along with his cloying false modestly, Les’ other key character trait is his fear of success. He forgets that time in his writing career when the only news he got from publishers came in the form of rejection letters. And it was only last month that Les couldn’t produce more than one sentence until Darin showed up to reminisce with Les about “Mom.” Inspired, Les squeezed out the literary equivalent of a stool sample which he sent off to the lab the publisher. Naturally the publisher loved it and wanted more, meaning—horrors!— that Les would be forced to continue working on what he considers his life’s passion.

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11 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

11 responses to “That’s Good! No, That’s Bad!

  1. Doug Puthoff

    And the whinefest continues. PEANUTS could be morose sometimes, but at least Charles Schulz threw in some lighthearted moments. This is just annoying.

  2. billytheskink

    My publisher likes it and wants me to keep going.

    This is pretty much the business model of a vanity press.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    Yup, Dick Facey, forever martyring himself upon the cross of pure literary genius. Unfortunately for Les, he’s kind of pigeonholed himself within a very specific sub-genre, that being people who give a shit about his dead first wife. So the task of writing is even more complex and fraught with self-doubt and angst than it would be for a regular writer who isn’t confined to such limited source material like Les is, you see?

    “Hmmm what to write about today? The time Lisa went to…no, already covered that. Oh, I know! That day we went to the…ooops, “Lisa’s Story”, page 161-164. Let’s see…her wisdom tooth extraction…damn it. Oh, oh! I got one! When I bought AA batteries when she asked for AAA!”

    I would imagine that after “Prelude” is completed sometime in 2030 or thereabouts, it’ll be time for “Epilogue…After The Shoe Dropped”. Then maybe “Pre-Prelude: A Examination Of Lisa’s First Four Years” or something. The pickings are already getting thin, but there’s still some milk in that cow, especially with MoTab on the stool. That guy could and has squeezed plenty of blood from a lot of stones.

  4. As I and others have repeatedly asked, what the hell was in “Lisa’s Story” if not at least some biography of Lisa? How they met, her early years, etc, etc…all that would be appropriate in a deathography so that the reader could see the dying person as a person. But apparently not.

    Lisa’s story, opening paragraphs:

    “When Lisa told me about her diagnosis, I was devastated. Everything swam before my eyes. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t read, I could take no joy in anything. Everything seemed to collapse inward.

    “Maybe Lisa felt bad for me, too. It seemed so–she just couldn’t stop crying. I was going to ask her to keep it down, but I figured she just needed some alone time. So I stared out the window as the twilight deepened. Everything happens to me, I observed. I reached for a pencil.”

  5. spacemanspiff85

    Hey Les, guess what? Nobody is forcing you to write. So either quit writing or quit your bitching, okay?

  6. count of tower grove

    Damn! I thought for sure that my forecast on CK would have moved the arc forward:
    “they sit on the couch and Caucayla points to some bric-a-brack to divert Less’ attention and drops the mickey in his cocao. Less hears the pills drop and diverts Caucayla with another artifact, and flips the cups. Caucayla hears the cups switch and again diverts Less while she clinks the cups. Upon hearing the cups, Less repeats diverting Caucayla and switches the cups back to their original positions. They drink their cocao. Less convulses shrieking ” Eeebbeebbeebee! Dih-dih-dih!” And ensues in a series of forward and back flips end in with Less slamming himself on the floor.”

    This would have filled up the week!

  7. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Here we see a Batyuck woman doing what they do best: Bringing snacks to the men. They’re also adept at silently standing there with dazed eyes and a crooked mouth, like Mrs. Dinkleberry 2.0.

    Today, we’re reminded that writing is HAAAARRRRRRRRDDD and sensitive literary geniuses like Goatee Boy (and by extension, Tommy BatHack) SUFFERRRR SOOOOOOO!

    You have every right to wonder why Crayola plays along with this game where she’s reminded every day that Dead Saint Lisa is everything and she is nothing. I mean, if Crayola got hit by a truck and died tomorrow, Leslie would POSSIBLY dedicate a Facebook post to her:

    “That woman who hangs out at my house and interrupts me when I’m writing about Lisa got run over, and, in the main, has regressed to the mean. The funeral is whenever. I don’t know. I have a lot of writing to do, and writing is harrrrrrd. Here’s a picture of my lunch.”

    Crayola stays with Goatee Prick because, inside Batty’s pointy little bald head, Les is a wildly successful writer and makes money hand over fist. He’s already paid for phases 1 and 2 of her race change surgery. (Go find early appearances of Cayla the school secretary if you are confused about this.) Two more rounds of treatment required! It ain’t cheap, but when it’s over, she’ll look like a young Goldie Hawn.

  8. A HREF

    Just as Durwood and mopey Pete hate not only their jobs but hate that they have jobs, Les hates writing. And hates teaching as well.

    So Lisa’ story is now a trilogy? I can see there might be a chapter or two about how Lisa went for cosmetic surgery and hair straightening

  9. Jimmy

    Getting compensated for providing a service; will the horrors never cease?

    By the way, billtheskink is right about the the vanity press thing.

  10. Professor Fate

    It seems like Les wants to be a writer without actually, you know, writing. One wonders if this is the Author’s fond wish as well.

  11. bayoustu

    @count of tower grove: the image of Less convulsing on the floor like Shemp (Shemp, mind you- not Curly already!) absolutely made my day! And, of course, it’s also way funnier than anything in the godforsaken Funkyverse where NO ONE enjoys ANYTHING!