The Loan Punman

Welcome, everyone, to that damn Crankshaft theater. Today’s strip finds us back in the middling maudlin morass that came to define this strip during Act II. It certainly says something about the relentlessly positive Comic-Con arc that it failed to provide much refreshment in its departure from this strip’s trademark tone.

“Valentine’s Day may be over.” Heh, cute. Doesn’t explain how you’ve been making your loan payments for 10 years and are only now in danger of default… maybe you’ve been driving customers away by needlessly questioning them instead of taking their money.

Meanwhile, Ann Fairgood Pm nd Jff play the “Incredible Hulk” TV show’s closing credits music in their heads as their son walks out the door with his oversize copy of yesterday’s strip.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

20 responses to “The Loan Punman

  1. Epicus Doomus

    billytheskink: Hall Of Fame post title!

    So it’s even worse than “let’s hold the premier at this crappy old movie house”, it’s actually shaping up to be “let’s use the premier to save this crappy old movie house”. AND it directly involves several characters who AREN’T EVEN IN THE STRIP!!! I mean fine, wallow in nostalgia all you like BanTom but sorry, nothing you can ever do will ever generate even a speck of interest in these Crankshaft people or their dumb antics. Not even close. Perhaps it’s time for these “Murdoch” people to face reality and abandon their pathetic old-timey movie house dream and get real jobs.

  2. spacemanspiff85

    It’s just hilarious that he’s moaning about paying the bills while his theater getting ready to air a sci fi serial that even the biggest fans of that franchise had never heard of before seeing it there. Maybe if you want to make money, show stuff people want to see instead of airing Starbuck Jones serials over and over.

  3. Hey, Tom Batiuk? Are you listening? I should point out that no one is going to nominate you for any kind of an award for this. I mean, the plot will be “comic books save comic books.” It doesn’t matter how dour the outlook is.

  4. billytheskink

    I like how the events of last week completely destroy the suspense that this strip is trying to create.

    By simply lasting through the time gap between Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean, the Valentine Theater is already a more successful venture than Montoni’s – New York City. So kudos on that, Max.

    • Epicus Doomus

      That’s hilarious, now the only “suspense” involves waiting to see the character’s reaction when he discovers what we already know. And my educated guess is that he’ll be delighted and end up making more than enough money to cover this month’s loan payment. Call it a hunch.

      Coming to Crankshaft, sometime next month: After failing to make the monthly loan payment, the Valentine is repossessed and mercifully shuttered, never to be spoken of again.

  5. ian'sdrunkenbeard

  6. Jimmy

    As I try to avoid reading “Crankshaft,” I would have no idea what was going on in this strip of it weren’t for this site.

    That being said, the real surprise is that someone taking on a terrible business venture would be operating after a decade. I have experience in failed businesses.

    I also think the foolish party who loaned money to this guy also deserves to be out of business.

    • That’s for sure. People who make terrible business decisions shouldn’t be rewarded for their failure. Case in point: the current occupant of 1600 Penn Ave.

  7. What Batiuk does not especially want to admit to himself is that there’s a good reason that what he fixates on is not as popular as he’d like it to be. He does display flashes of awareness by being cravenly apologetic but deep down, he moans in despair because people give garbage its right name.

  8. Rusty Shackleford

    Gosh things move quickly here, spent a few minutes wonder who these people were, then I remembered the time jump.

    Wow, so SJ will save this crappy theater. Is there anything comics can’t do?

  9. bobanero

    Maybe Jff will sell his decoder ring to help cover the loan payment, then they won’t be able to decode the message that has the news about the premier, the whole thing won’t happen, and the Valentine goes out of business anyway.

    • Max Power

      That’s unfortunately plausible. Comic Book John sold his beloved…(sigh)…comic book rack once to buy an engament ring for Becky. This was during the first time Wally was MIA and Iraqistan.

      • billytheskink

        And then Wally was found and returned to Westview right as DSH was about to propose, causing him to back out. Lefty would then marry Wally. No one escaped late Act II unscathed.

  10. Comic Book Harriet

    Has anyone else notices that Act III Batty has a weird fixation with ‘salvation’ storylines? Cliffe Angere, the Valentine, Starbuck in general, etc. Elderly, decaying, almost forgotten things ,rescued from obscurity and death at the last minute to become successful and universally celebrated…

    • Jimmy

      Is he putting together a pitch for the Pulitzer committee? “If you get it right this time, this could be YOUR storyline, esteemed members of the committee.”

  11. Hitorque

    Nice to know the windfall from a once in a lifetime exclusive world premiere of a billion dollar movie is only going to keep his lights on for a couple months at the most…

    Or is Batiuk gonna Batiuk and make the SJ opening such a one-day success that every big budget movie from every studio now has to open at the Valentine?


    My personal head canon for this is that Hipster McBeardy her hung himself in that closet shortly after.

    Yeah, I know that was too dark, but this is coming from a guy who did a strip where Jff talked to a psychiatrist about his abusive recently dead mother. The darkness meter passed with these strips years ago!

  13. Charles

    Heh, apparently I was right the other day. Since Pm nd Jff’s son can’t make his loan payment, it’s a damn cinch that when something breaks in that dumb ol’ theater (and it’s an old theater, something’s always breaking and running down), it doesn’t get fixed. You can’t pay a plumber or an exterminator or an electrician when you’re having trouble paying your mortgage.

    So yeah, broken toilets, a water fountain that doesn’t work, a grease trap under the popcorn maker that’s disgusting, roaches and rats – the sky’s the limit for the horrors of this theater that the director, sight unseen, decided to use to launch his blockbuster film!