Oh No…It IS Mail

Link To Today’s Strip

Oh no…it’s mail…and it’s an entire package too. Sigh, this could take a while, given how Boy Lisa once needed six months to open a single envelope. I really hope it’s evidence proving that Lisa wasn’t his bio-mom (as if) and the entire Funkyverse implodes upon itself, but the likelihood of that happening seems, uh, slim. It’s a Boy Lisa arc, therefore whatever it is it’ll be dumb beyond belief, that much is guaranteed.

And get a load of Pete/Tom’s little “dig” at lawyers. I guess they’re the scum of the earth…unless some humble little blog makes fun of your silly little comic strip, in which case they’re your pals…ain’t that right, Tom? Pete’s whole world-weary act really gets my goat, I mean the guy lives a fantasy comic book lifestyle most overgrown nerds would kill for yet all he does is gripe, bitch and complain about it. Just shut up and write your little Xaxian stories, you mopey nitwit.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “Oh No…It IS Mail

  1. Ray

    What, I ask you what sort of attorneys office on God’s green Earth would wrap a package like that??

    • billytheskink

      Maybe Durwood is getting sued by that comic art-dealing schlub from Rex Morgan M.D. for forgery and decided to have an elaborately drawn subpoena sent out.

    • erdmann

      You mean lawyers don’t usually send rare, original artwork — possibly worth thousands of dollars — via UPS and wrapped in butcher paper tied with Christmas ribbon to the workplace of someone who they think might be the rightful heir but can’t be sure because they’ve had no prior contact? Surely, you jest.

  2. bayoustu

    Lemme guess. It’s some rare artwork courtesy of the- now deceased- Jack Kirby lookalike artist that Durwood drove home from the kids’ party. Naturally, it’ll be worth a fortune (once converted to pizza and comic books) and Durwood will still find a reason to complain about it…

  3. Spacemanspiff85

    I’m betting that artist Darrin gave a ride died and left him some dumb Starbuck Jones crap.

  4. spacemanspiff85

    Also, what happened to the second ribbon in between panels two and three?

    • ian'sdrunkenbeard

      Progress! He already tore off one of the ribbons. At this rate, the package might be opened by next week, but don’t hold your breath.

      Wtf is that huge gray thing in the foreground of panel #1? Is it a Xaxian trreadmill? Xaxian abacus? Xaxian fleshlight? I can’t keep up with the new-fangled contraptions of kids these days. Can anyone help me?

  5. countoftowergrove

    So Pete didn’t get laid, and has gone back to his musty green shirt.

    • hitorque

      Yeah, what happened to that thirsty blonde who instantly fell in love with him because he was her ticket out of Winesburg?

      • Professor Fate

        Let one make a guess – she got out of Winesburg and then dropped Pete like a bad habit and is absurdly happy.

  6. billytheskink

    I can’t wait to see what receiving a package from an attorney’s office was like at Batom Comics in the 1950s. And by “can’t wait” I mean *hacks up a pile of phlegm*

    • Epicus Doomus

      Coming two weeks from today: the tension slowly builds as Retro Boy Lisa finally finds something to cut the tape with.

  7. If I knew where to find it and how to link to it, I could hook you up to Casey Kasem’s ranting about how another boring and annoying thing that went nowhere is just as fucking ponderous as this exercise in tedium will be.

  8. sgtsaunders

    So I guess Hollywood Lawyers are the worst people on earth, save for Frankie Gone To Hollywood.

  9. louder

    Love how the living room of the apartment has: shelves on wall (love the action figures, btw!), indistinguishable crap by the front door, a work station with computer, a treadmill! Add that to the rest of stuff in a normal apartment room, and no one can move anywhere. No wonder Pete The Loser is sitting by the computer — closer to the porn.

    • bobanero

      Is this Durwood’s apartment, or is it their office? If it’s his apartment, why does Pete Rollo have a workstation set up in the living room? If it’s his office, what the fuck is the treadmill and a shelf of action figures doing there?

      • Jimmy

        I’m also confused as to whether this is their office. If so, why wouldn’t this be delivered to the reception desk? If they’re living together, did his boring wife leave him?

  10. hitorque

    1. Okay, fine, we get it… That bitter-assed old-school comic artist now doing sketches at kids’ birthday parties has left this plane of existence and bequeathed something ridiculously valuable to Darrin because if there’s one thing bitter-assed old-school comic artists who got paid pennies on the dollar over the course of their careers appreciate, it’s smug, spoiled, whiny brats who were in the right place at the right time and shot up to the top of Hollywood on nothing more than a wave of brazen word-of-mouth nepotism… Either that, or Darrin’s wife is surprising him and Pete with another two-week romantic couples cosplay getaway to Superman’s Fortress of Solitude… Either way I’ve just saved you three weeks of reading FW

    2. Not for nothing, but I’m just saying that Darrin heard the old man’s sob story knowing damn well he could have gotten him put on the Starbuck Jones payroll with a cushy no-work job after talking to Masone for 30 seconds… YET HE DID NOTHING

    3. All my life, this East Coaster thought of Hollywood as ruthless, cutthroat, and chewing up young ambition naïve Midwesterners who thought they could make a career there… But I guess the reality is you’re just sitting on your ass flinging rubber bands all day with very generous lunch and vacation breaks and every two weeks you get a paycheck for $15 grand? Sign me up, please??

    4. Oh yeah, and motherfuck Pete Rattabastardo just because…

    • Comic Book Harriet

      Judge Parker and Funky Winkerbean are in a groundbreaking new experiment called ‘Tone-Swap,” Funky Winkerbean got all the easy-money luck, and Judge Parker got misery, divorce, PTSD, and fatalism.

  11. The dreamer

    So its rare comic art that Darrin will sell. He will use the money to buy MonToni’s from Funky, and open a Hollywood MonToni’s location